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Kids say the funniest things

Posted By: Arokh

Kids say the funniest things - 06/06/12 08:38 PM

I went over to see my nephews today and as soon as I got through the door the youngest asked if I wanted to play a game with him. I said I'm off to the toilet first but he followed me in and pointed to the flush buttons.

He said "you press the small button if you have a wee, the big one if you have a poo and both together if you have a really big poo" which cracked me up. Thought it was funny enough a 3 year old showing me how to flush a toilet but the comment he came out with was just class. My reply was "yeah OK.. right. Now Ill be a minute, go out and please close the door."

Anyone else have any examples?
Posted By: Divine Avenger

Re: Kids say the funniest things - 15/06/12 08:03 AM

My nephew keeps plotting to have me kidnap him lol, my sister asked me to babysit my nephew while she went into hospital for her checkup. My nephew is only 4 but 2 day's before my nephew said to me

"auntie squir, when you ring a taxi to go home, tell me & I'll hide. When mummys not looking I'll run into the taxi & hide on the floor so mum can't see me then I'll come home with you ok".

So when I went up to babysit him 2 day's later I had to pick him up from school. On are way home he said to me

"Auntie squir, we go home now & we'll grab Jack & we can go down your house before mummy comes home ok"

(jack is my sisters dog) I just laughed & said "ok mate whatever you say" so when we got back to the house my sister rang to see if everything was ok & I told her Chaces plan to have me kidnap him. I told he all this in front of Chace & he just stood there with his hands on his waist & said in a very serious tone

"Now she won't let me go"

of course it made me burst out into a fit of laughter & tears when I could finally talk I told my sis what he said & she laughed her head off as well.

My nephew has since stopped the kidnap plot because I've assured him he can stay down mine on the weekend during the holidays....bless him.
Posted By: Demonic

Re: Kids say the funniest things - 15/06/12 10:58 PM

"You fucking lair." - My nephew, aged 5, in reply that I go to college and not school like he does.

If he was my son he would be getting spankings for use of such words. Sadly my grand parents - who look after him - aren't great on the discipline front and often allow him to do and say what he wants. Apparently when my mother washed his hair once he got upset - he's afraid of going under water - because she had promised that she wouldn't do it, so in retaliation he apparently said "You bitch!" while crying.

Seriously. I don't know where this kid is getting all these words from. I think the treatment that the University of Minnesota Spankalogical Protocol provides would sort him out good and proper though.

Hmmm...I reckon that non-stop spanking for 8 months would deal with a lot of children...

Would defo like to do this to my nephew.
Posted By: Raze

Re: Kids say the funniest things - 15/06/12 11:53 PM

I know someone who moved from the east coast to western Canada for a job. Some time later, talking to his son's kindergarten teacher, she asked 'So, what part of Nova Scotia are you from?'. He replied, and, not having a distinctive regional accent, asked why she would ask. She said 'well, from time to time when kids get hurt or things don't go well they can use some colourful language... I think today was the first time I've heard a 4 year old use the phrase "lord thundering Jesus".'


I was once in a store standing by a counter with a 30-ish woman holding her 3 or 4 year old son, who said "Mom, your hair is brown.... brown and grey." I'm sure she was thrilled her son pointed out the couple grey hairs that he was probably the cause of in the first place.
Posted By: Arokh

Re: Kids say the funniest things - 16/06/12 11:03 AM

My nephew has said something in the supermarket that was very embarrassing and very racist directly to another shopper so I won't repeat what he said here but it required a lot of talking out of it.

It probably comes from the nursery / kindergarten as I live in a part of the UK where British people are becoming a minority. The nursery he goes to does not have many white kids there. His parents don't do the spanking (it's kind of illegal here) so he has the 'naughty corner' or just gets his toys taken away. Most cases this is enough.

It's changed a lot at school. When I was there one kid was made to stand with his hands on his head in just his underpants in the middle of the playground for an hour when it was snowing with temps below zero.
We got spankings - Maths teacher was worst. Stand on your chair pull down pants and spank bare arse with a metre long plastic ruler. Or electric pencil sharpener thrown at you. All this is illegal now.

Posted By: Demonic

Re: Kids say the funniest things - 16/06/12 12:33 PM

"Lord thundering Jesus"? LOL

Spankings aren't illegal in the UK last I heard Arokh. It's just frowned upon by the Government and pussy groups. So long as no mark is left, a parent can smack or spank their child.
Posted By: Arokh

Re: Kids say the funniest things - 16/06/12 01:08 PM

That's what I meant by kinda illegal, suppose I should have worded it better. But yes there is too much 'pussy' groups, the health and saftey gone mad and political correctness here.

In schools, corporal punishment towards a child is definitley illegal.

One example of H & S gone mad is a local council cut down all the horse chestnut ('conker') trees to prevent children from becoming injured whilst playing conkers. If they did play at school they had to be supervised by an adult and wear full eye and face protection.

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