[color:"#33cc33"] K here it is, if you know of,
or can remember <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />
any good one liners, or sayings, anything quick, witty, and to the point!
any language ... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />
that'd be neat to see.....
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />
[/color]


"An incompetent lawyer can delay a trial for months or years.


A competent lawyer can delay one even longer."

oldie but goodie:

"do you believe in love at first sight or should I come by again??"

"Sir! I do believe you are drunk!"
"Indeed I am madam, but in the morning I'll be sober, wheras you will still be ugly!"

"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about!"

A man can't deny what he is.
He can convince everybody else he is someone else, but never himself.




"We don't live in the world of reality,
we live in the world of how we perceive reality."

"He's such a bitch I could have sex with him and not be gay!" - Some DJ on the radio

"If I were your wife Id put poison in your tea"
"Madam, If you were my wife, Id drink it" -Winston Churchill

A sad one that is used more often than not:

"Do unto others before they get a chance to do unto you.

errrrrr...
"too many cooks spoil the broth"

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> sounds like <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/div.gif" alt="" /> to me

ummmmmmm....
" a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/sleepey.gif" alt="" />

do not speak until spoken to........ <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />


here's one i don't really get......


i don't give a rat sass !.... What does this mean? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

or maybe....

bob's your uncle.......WTF? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />


piece of cake?


dollars to donuts?....same category.......WTF?


frost yer socks................why?

Oh one more........

a month of sundays..............OK why not say ....a month,
it's a lot shorter, but maybe not as funny.....


is a frog's sass watertight? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wave.gif" alt="" />

'do not speak until spoken to........ <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />' ugg





'i don't give a rat sass ! What does this mean?' <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> I have no clue, and I don't give a rat sass about it!

WTF to all of these!

"Never get caught with you pants down" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Sincerity is the key. If you can fake that, you've got it made. - George Burns

"The person who talks most of his own virtue is often the least virtuous."

Last but not least:
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/badsmile2.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

I guess I'm not a wise man. Damn unicorn almost got my [nocando] with that horn! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

that was a nice one DQ, the unicorn thing, no need to picture that in my head... DOH, just did <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ouch.gif" alt="" />

"be wiser than others but don't let it show"

"may the bird of paradise, reward you with a drumstick" -Johnny Carson

"hit me with your rhythm stick" - but not to hard

there's no time like the present.


moving along like a herd of turtles.


if i'm not back in 5 minutes...just wait longer! - Ace Ventura

You can't make your candle burn brighter by blowing out the other fellow's.

Beautiful hands are those that do.....
deeds that are noble, good, and true.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time.
But also to leave the wrong thing unsaid at the most tempting moment.

Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earning his salt that he forgets his sugar. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

errrrrr.......
"two wrongs don't make a right"

"Trouble in mariage often starts when a woman gets so busy thinking of sugar she forgets about the pepper."

-equal crossing my dearest queeny?
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

not pecker? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/badsmile2.gif" alt="" />
Menstruation, menopause, mental breakdowns...
Ever notice how all womens probIems begin with men? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

DQ doing a small victory dance (probably prematurely) <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Probably becouse men dunno anything about those. (they panick enough about those as it is)
Only women make them worse than they are. Blessings in disguise? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" />

Post deleted by LewsTherinKinslayer13

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/offtopic.gif" alt="" />Lews, I recommend you go into the thread for the mentally ill and take further lessons from Setharmon - and if he decides to take his coaching day off - here's mine:

Posts consisting only of smilies is not very imaginative

You've done this a bit too often for my liking - same goes for posts just repeating something that has been posted before, specially in the help section. Lews, your post behaviour is starting to annoy me severely! And I won't accept an apology - you've done this too often with zero consequences for later posts.

Change your behaviour - you're angering a lot of forum members, including me. And you're very lucky, I'm no mod either.
Kiya


To Jurak: Sorry, for spoiling your thread <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shame.gif" alt="" />

To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.
- Henri Bergson

We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, "Why did this happen to me?" unless we ask the same question for every joy that comes our way.
- Philip S. Bernstein

We are tomorrow's past.
- Mary Webb
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wave.gif" alt="" />

Those were some nice positive ones DQ <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mine are nihilistic

"Dont get mad, get even"

"Revenge is a dish best served with a chainsaw"

"yours is not to who or why, yours is but to do or die"
Mmmmmm.... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" />

no use crying over spilt milk

don't worry...


what's done is done...


there is always tomorrow...


don't worry.....it'll be fine....


yes, they are ALWAYS open...


nah, that'll NEVER happen !....


don't i feel like a horse'sass !...


s#it or get off the pot?...........what.......?

she had two 45's pointed at my chest......she also had a gun!


she said she had a flat tire.......
i pumped a little, she pumped a little,
then we fixed the flat! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />


<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Some oldies

Life is a bi**
S*** Happens

I use those a bit to often nowadays <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/disagree.gif" alt="" />

umm, 'better late then never'?

"a rolling stone gathers no moss"

a classic:
mess with the best (=Viper), die like the rest <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Viper's do as Viper's please <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

you've been a naughty girl! go to my room.

It ain't my fault, the community made me do it

IF everyone was juymping off bridges, would u?

why put off till tomorrow, what you can do today.........

or......

why do today, what you can put off till tomorrow




I'm a schizophrenic.........and so am I. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink"

you sure about that?? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/badsmile2.gif" alt="" />

does a bear s#it in the woods?


apparently......not around where i live! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

the logging road would be more precise! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"I know what your thinking, have I used 5 bullets or have I used 6 bullets. You know, in all the excitement I kinda lost track myself. You gotta ask yourself, do I feel lucky. Well, Do ya?, punk!" - Harry Callahan

clint the man <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Heh! I love those movies. Well, the Dead Pool was pretty awful, but the rest were good.

Since we are on movies.......

"Ill be back!" - If you dont know this, go and brush up on your pop culture.

"Dead or alive you're coming with me" - Robocop

"Thats it, game over man. Game over" - Hudson, Aliens

Have I gone....... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/offtopic.gif" alt="" />?

nope you haven't, it are still 1 liners <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

yep <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> they are!

"ark at the pot calling the kettle black!"
erh..
"if it ain't broke, don't fix it"
ummm...
"people in glasshouses shouldn't throw stones"
aaa...
"dipping you nib in a pot with no ink"

I a tree falls over with no living soul in a 10 miles radius, does it make any sound?

Things my grandmother used to say....

"If the wind changes, your face will stay like that!"

"Put a sweater on! You'll catch your death!" (no matter what time of the year... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />)

The infamously stupid: "Its too cold to snow..."

And of course: "Back in my day....."

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

this will be your contact.....

her name is Alotta......

alotta fagina! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"it wasn't my fault! He told me to do it!"

if he was half the man he used to be,
he would still only be half a man....

"People in glass houses shouldnt walk around naked."

people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones in other glass houses.

[color:"brown"] sounds like someone doesn't have a glass house <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> [/color]

Worse, I have ugly neighbours who live in a glass house and dont wear clothes.

"If noses grew on trees, would you pick them?"

"If apples grow on apple trees, and oranges grow on orange trees, what grows on countries?"

what grows on countrys? hmm. I'll think about it, and poor u with those neighbors, I remember my OLD neibors, ugg. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/sad.gif" alt="" />

if i said you had a nice body......would you hold it against me?

nice jeans.....can i talk you out of 'em?

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Back in line <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/badsmile2.gif" alt="" />

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one . . . It wasn't doing what I was doing.

I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

All BY Steven Wright: <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Counts right? As in dracula? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Yes, counts. Of course thats what I meant! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/suspicion.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/suspicion.gif" alt="" /> Yeah, right <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/suspicion.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/suspicion.gif" alt="" />

A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, "Wish you were here." <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

People who invite trouble always complain when it accepts.
- Lane Olinghouse

good one <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Famous last words: <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/badsmile2.gif" alt="" />

"A crucifix? Oy vey, have you got the wrong vampire!"

"Ding dong, the Lich is dead." "Of COURSE it's DEAD!" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ouch.gif" alt="" />

"Hi! I'm a Nameless Horror, but you can call me Fred!"

"it's like deja vu..all over again!!"
"i'll tan your hide(spelling?)"...one of my Dads favourites,at me!
"I'll give you a clip round the ear if i catch you"...another!
and if i asked for something like a magazine or a toy he would answer such.."i'll give you a bloody action man" in a threatening way!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" />

Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow we diet

and thay are GOOOOOOOD DQ

*mod* I was talking about the shadow ones

and jesus said "come fourth", but he tripped and came fifth!!
..Jesus wept, and broke down sobbing bitterly. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

no comprendre english

same goes for 'no habla Espanol'

kee-feh-sah-hah-ma-drah-ha ! ? --- i forget! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ouch.gif" alt="" />

[nocando] my [nocando] I'm going home!

south park rules eh? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

my alltime favorite South Park:

"I would never let a bitc-h kick my as-s, if she tried anything I'd be like [color:"red"] EEEY you get you bi-tchass back in the kitchen and make me some pie !!!!!! [/color]

If this is too [nocando] Lynn, please lemme know

Cartman ROCKS!

[color:"yellow"] RESPECT MA AUTHORITA!! [/color]

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"If the universe is infinite, then everything is true somewhere"

"stop sitting on the fence"
"the grass isn't always greener on the other side"
"don't paper over the cracks"

is that a banana in your hand,
or are ya just glad to see me?

"your talking out'a your as-s"

Masticate 22 times before swallowing

"This is another fine mess youve gotten us into"

how can you have any pudding...
if you won't eat your meat?-

I am Cornholio and I need some TP for my bunhole!

-You don't like any famous person I can morph into,?
+No
-What do you want me to be then?
+what about a Taco that craps icecream?

Does your scrotum needs kicking?

I am NOT a fig plucker!


Aach....it's only a flesh wound!

my all time favorite movie quote:

Yes! I can see again *runs into tree* now I don't (men in tights !! sweet sweetness

- they moved the castle,
- Oh I tought it was a bit drafty

I'm not fat I'm big boned <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/alien.gif" alt="" />

"you couldn't hit the side of a barn"
"when in Rome do as the Romans do".. i really agree with this one(B-loody foreigners!) <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

"Conan, what is the best thing in life?"
"To crush your enemies, to drive them before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women!"

• Others may strip you of
  your defenses and weapons
  but only YOU can deprive
  yourself of your freedom - "said by a good friend!" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Translation: Jurak says it in the mirror, with typical orcish aplom
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" />b (For some reason that involes a severed head)

ya got that right and it's not my bloody head either!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat.
- Rebecca West, 1913

"Never trust anything you can eat." - Old dragon proverb

"What're you going to do," laughed the dragon, "arrest me for smoking?"

Famous Last Words: "But it's only a LITTLE red dragon."

Famous Last Words: "I think the dragon's asleep..." <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/badsmile2.gif" alt="" />

Doormats all over the world - arise! Shake off men's dusty traces on your back and let them trip over you!
Kiya - in reverance to Jvb (Rebecca West, 1913, modernised in 2003) <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

oooooooooohhhhhh........aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

nice <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"I never trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die!" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

lol kiya <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />
i saw that quote somewhere and i just couldn't help using it <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/badsmile2.gif" alt="" />

nice quip Womb!.......... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />



He that hath a beard is more than a youth,

and he that hath no beard is less than a man.

And he that is more than a youth is not for me,

and he that is less than a man -- I am not for him.

- Beatrice in William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing

Doormats of the world - arise! Trip Womble and let his nose bleed for 5 days <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />
Kiya <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" />

"oooooooooh the bitterness of defeat"


or is that "the agony of de feet".

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/suspicion.gif" alt="" />

did we have this one yet: "When it's done"

If you love something,
set it free,
if it comes back to you
it's yours
if it doesn't
it never was man! -george carlin- <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

If you love something,
Set it free
If it doesn't come back,
Hunt it down and kill it! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/badsmile2.gif" alt="" />

Okay, I really don't think that way but .... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

to quote my mother "Don't do as I do, do as I say"

'go pound salt'

stick it where the sun doesn't shine

my father to an old boyfriend after he climbed out my bedroom window
"I'll jack your sass over your shoulders"

those who can, do....
those who can't, teach....

definition of pain:

sliding down a razorblade,
using yer balls fer brakes
and landing in a pool of iodine! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ouch.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ouch.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ouch.gif" alt="" />

what about this one?

I'm with stupid! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" />

From my dad about ugly people:
"They've got a face like a burnt rubber boot"

Got a few of them:

"A face like a bag of spanners"

"A face like a bulldog chewing a wasp"

"A face like a fire-damaged stickle-brick!"

Anybody know what a stickle-brick is? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Womble: <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/offtopic.gif" alt="" /> Are you originaly from the UK? I cant imagine that many other people would know what a womble is. Besides you said spanner rather than monkey wrench.

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/offtopic.gif" alt="" /> Yeah! I'm from Necastle in the UK originally, I try to keep that a secret though <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shhh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"your face looks like you tried to do a facelift with a screwdiver"

Yellow river by Ipee Nightly

Rusty bed springs by Ipee Dayly

Cowabungwa dude

tha tha tha thats all folks

yaba daba due

One of These Days--Bang, Zoom to the Moon

"you look like you got beat with the ugly stick."

"does your face hurt? cause it's killing me."

jack of all trades......master of none! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/suspicion.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/offtopic.gif" alt="" /> what is a Womble then, I'm curious

these are wombles........


http://womble.designwest.com/

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wave.gif" alt="" />

LOL <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

TV or Movie quotes - I have no idea why I thought of these <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> :

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." ~~~Deanna Troi, Star Trek; the Next Generation

"Hell hath no fury like a woman on PMS." ~~~Rynnfox

"It's so much fun to be a bitch when you want to be." ~~~Blaise Harman, Spellbinder by LJ Smith

Especially if it's all in fun!
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/badsmile2.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/badsmile2.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/badsmile2.gif" alt="" />

"Underground, overground, wombling free. The wombles of Wimbleton common are we. Making good use of the things that we find, things that the everyday fold leave behind"

Sheesh, I remember the song, I need help! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" />

I never forget a face; but in your case, I'll let it pass. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"It is appallingly obvious our technology has exceeded our humanity."

"To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself."

"A mind once stretched by new thoughts can never regain its original shape."

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent.
It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction." ........

......AlBerT EiNsTeiN


============================================================================


"I don't care to belong to any social organization which will accept me as a member."

"I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book."

"Women should be obscene and not heard." .....

....GrOuCho MaRx

Definition of a Canadian:

An unarmed American with a health plan! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

poor canadians, no guns, well; George Bush has all of ours in the section of the world labled, OIL. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

canadians do have guns, in fact they are real hunting freaks

yeah, I guess they are. BOOM! there goes one of my canadian neighbors now!!! how come ur avatar ain't there???

"A happy man has no shirt."

I think its- "The grass doesn't stay golden forever."


<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/offtopic.gif" alt="" /> Some student from my highschool "Its all coming back to me now. Said the blind man that pissed into the wind" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/offtopic.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

Lifes a bitch, then marry one,(me).

Smile and the whole world smiles with you,
Cry and you cry alone.

Minsc is Boo, Boo is Minsc...

I should know this, I hope its right...- "There is method in this madness."

"With power comes great responsibility"

"Full speed ahead"

"Whats up doc?"

I took three years of spanish, I don't need to remember how to spell see you later <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> ...-"Hasta La Vista Baby."

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer"

"Who is more foolish, the fool, or the fool who follows"

"Ancient weapons and hokey religions are no match for a good blaster at your side"

"Nazi's, I hate these guys"

"how can you tell something is real or a dream? if you can't even tell if you are awake or asleep."

"It's not what it looks like, ceci n'est pas une pomme"

Heres a good olden french one
"je pense donc je suis."

Or in english:
i think so i exist.

i know, this is not a 1 liner <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shame.gif" alt="" />


<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/offtopic.gif" alt="" />
Q: What is the difference between a midwife and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/offtopic.gif" alt="" />

Here are some:

"If not now, when? If not you, who?"
'There are those who see things as they are and say, "Why?" And there are those who dream of things and say, "Why not?"
What do you say'
"Dream of a world in which love is the answer to every question, the response to every situation, the experience in every moment."
"Betrayal of yourself in order to not betray others is betayal nonetheless. It is the highest betrayal."
"To thine own self be true, and it must follow as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."
"Change is a constant."
"Your message is your life, lived."
"A little 'humility theology' is what the world needs."
"If everything is equal, then nothing is equal- for the very idea of "equalness" is something which cannot be experienced, inasmuch as there is only one thing, and it is all equal in itself."
"If you know everything and know that you know it, then you can know nothing. Look deeply into this truth and you will understand it."
"Love means never having to say you're sorry."
"Even when a thing is apart, it is still a part..."
"You have nothing to fear, but fear itself."
"Failure is a fiction. Every trying is a success, and every effort is what achieves the victory, with the first no less honourable than the last."

you mean: "I think, therefore I am"

Also possible translations Viper <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

here's another good one:
when a fly drops a poopy in my eye,
i dont weep, i dont cry,
i just pray the lord that cows dont fly <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

still love it

Viper....Jolie.... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Lockmar......nice lines! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />

thought provoking..... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Hey Viper thats my saying!! Give it back thief <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

But what the heck, they already knew that one <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Just to follow on from some of Mandrake's classics.

"Size matters not...."

oh, it doesn't eh?

it doesn't young padawan

'do or do not; there is no try'

Deep thoughts of Homer Simpson:
"If something's HARD to do, then it's NOT worth doing!"

The more you run over a cat, the flatter it gets. (--> Alf <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" />)

The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

muhahahahah!!

"To be or not to be that is the question."

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> Lynn...... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wave.gif" alt="" />

what are you doing in canada?

-that 70's show reference, anybody know it?

Huh? faile....... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

ah, nevermind, i was just watching it today and it made me laugh.

every cloud has a silver lining.......

then why is mine lined with BuRLaP! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/suspicion.gif" alt="" />

I know of that 70's show - what is the reference?

C'moN.!!!....i'm goin insane.......

they go to canada to buy beer, fez loses his green card and the border cops are questioning them. tommy chong's questioning goes like this:

canadian- what are you doing in canada?
chong- what are you doing in canada?
canadian- what's your business in canada?
chong- what's your business in canada?
canadian- leave canada please
chong- you leave canada please!
canadian- dirty hippie.

ok, so it's funnier when you actually see it.

Ahhhh Cheech-n-Chong......memmmmreeeeees... !! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />. as homer simpson says (very good avice) "dooooonut. mmm." (drooling)

"Im pink, therefore Im Spam"

lol

Are we there yet?

Before we leave......did everybody go to the bathroom?

Just double-checking...are you sure you've got everything?

Please sir, may i have some more?

who's on second?

Am i next?

What's this extra piece for?

Did you read the manual?

Well it was working fine!!....no?,... i didn't change anything! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"Keep out of children" - Actual warning on a knife package

thats a very good warning.........

Instuctions on a bag of airline peanuts:

1. Open bag
2. Eat nuts

If a person needed those instructions Id be wondering how the heck they managed to get on the plane in the first place.

you tried your best, and you failed miserably, the lesson you learned is never try

Ahhh!!.......I See, said the BliNd MaN, to the DeAf MuTe.

That 70's is great!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Unfortunately they've put it back at 6pm here (at Ka2, fellow Belgians!), so I often miss it as that's feeding time <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/disagree.gif" alt="" />

Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/badsmile2.gif" alt="" />

Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue.
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette

lol, were are we getting these from???

I hope feeding time isnt after midnight, you know what happens if they feed you after midnight.

hmm. its great, but I'm just confused now. after midnight. hmm.

Go rent "Gremlins"

isn't this one-liners and S#it....! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/offtopic.gif" alt="" />

yeah, go back on topic!

there is always someone to ruin it for the rest!

what r u doing Jurak??? run away!!!

some people never learn.......

back ontopic, (I don't htink this, tis from a book) "men always think from the hair on there chest, homer's always think with there stomahcs".

"Asps, very deadly, you go first!"

"Snakes!, why did it have to be snakes?"

"keep your distance, but don't look like you're trying to keep your distance. I don't know! Fly casual".

"I don't think the Empire had Wookies in mind when they designed her Chewie".

A one-liner a day, keeps the doctor away <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Hehe <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

A man walks into the psychiatrists office wearing only cling wrap, the shrink says "I can cleary see you're nuts!"

ha ha ha! I'm being cracked up hear, I have to leave this post for abit!

the indian goes to the shrink and says...
.i'm mixed up i keep thinking of
a teepee or a wigwam, teepee or a wigwam..

...and the doc told him he was too tents! Argh! OMG... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />


if anyone wants me i'll be in here...

Yeah... My stomach is active and I can't sleep for the next two hours! Sheesh!

(No really! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> )

"how do YOU do"
"could it BE anymore worse?"

[color:"orange"]
[color:"6b8e23"]Dragh......where ya been, hidin'?[/color]

SoMe CaNaDiAn GeMs..........only in canaDa ...eh?



.........................

"I think computer viruses should count as life.
I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life
we have created so far is purely destructive.
We've created life in our own image."
-Stephen Hawking

took this from someone " [color:"green"] große grüne Klumpen
[/color] "

"To live by the sword is to die by the sword."

"My honor is my life."

"There is nothing to fear except fear itself."

"God save the king."

God, save my hide!

I once thought i was wrong, but i was only mistaken...... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

one of my favorites

"Speak friend and enter."

Oh !!...my achin' head!


Don't dwell on it!

No....sure, thats o.k.!

"i got the poo on me!"

Hehe! Joe Dirt <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

(Or should I say dee-art-ay?)


"If you're trying to tell me you dont make mistakes, you just made one in thinking Im stupid enought to believe that"

Double your drive space - delete Windows!
Assassins do it from behind.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past you again?
My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.

yay, mandrake! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" /> good job! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

ya can't win em all...


but you can die trying....

Yo! Adriiiennnnee!!

Here's one:

"If something is everywhere, then it is also nowhere in particular."

How about this one:
"dont call anybody nobody, because nobody is perfect."

ah...good one
"Divine Dichotomy states that it is possible for two apparently contradictory truths to exist in the same space."
examples:
"I am everthing. Therefore, I Am what I Am, and I Am What I Am Not."
"The greatest complexity is the greatest simplicity. The more 'complex' a system is, the more simple is its design."

That's probably why people tend to experience the phenomenon where it is easier to make things complicated and harder to keep things simple...

"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."

"When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?"

"Anything that can go wrong will go wrong."

"If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane." <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"When everything is lost..they will find you"
"God is like my girlfriend, i don't have one"
"when i see in the mirror , i think to myself, Wow what a ugly mirror"
"S-h-i-t happens ,but not always toilet paper"

and offcourse:

"They say don't judge a book by its cover, and in equal measure don't judge a game by its name"

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

it's not whats on the box.....it's whats in it! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />

"Dont eat the yellow snow"

And dont name your sons Dweezle or Moonunit for that matter <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

well, if you're last name is zappa, what can you do?

Another 'ethicly' one

"its nice to be important, but its more important to be nice."

when opportunity comes knocking....just answer the door!

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/offtopic.gif" alt="" /> "hello??? door???" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" /> couldn't resist, sorry for that <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/offtopic.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/offtopic.gif" alt="" /> yes hello, here's this offer to make a bundle....what say you.....?? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/offtopic.gif" alt="" />


"if you see a chance....take it!"

thx faile <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ouch.gif" alt="" />
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

saved me the trouble, jurak. thanks! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

"Time has only a relative existence."
........Carlyle........

"People everywhere confuse what they read in newspapers with news."
.........A. J. Liebling.........

"Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile."
.........Albert Schweitzer.........

"That which does not kill you just makes you more cynical"
- Me

A very sentimentel one

"love is a feeling that you feel
when you feel a feeling that you never felt before"

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kissyou.gif" alt="" />"Love is weird thingy" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kissyou.gif" alt="" />

"If You 're patient in one moment of anger,
You will escape hundred days of sorrow"

that fits wonderfully with your sig, zloty. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

faile: <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" /> Nice one indeed <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

* * *

If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.

Got me <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />
I didn't think of that even for a while <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"Be kind to Your enemies,there's nothing that could make them more mad" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"Its time to kick [nocando] and chuw bubblegum and all out of gum."

I'll let you guess were i got that one <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"Stand and deliver, right Boo"

"Full plate and packing steel"

In memory of Minisc and Boo, I got them killed in the game <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/badsmile2.gif" alt="" />

You forgot one:
"Go for the eyes, Boo. Go for the eyes!!"

ps: i killed them too. Hes aws way to enoying for my well being <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/badsmile2.gif" alt="" />

For those who dont want to be enslaved:
"If You dont have courage before death,life is slavery"

"I don't mind coming to work -- I just don't want to stay when I get there."

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."

"We must, indeed, all hang together, or most assuredly we shall all hang separately."

"It is better to be lucky than to be good!"

"We're on a Mission from God!"
-The Blues Brothers-

"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up
and hurry off as if nothing had happened."

"It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit."

"Couple million here, couple million there,
pretty soon you're talking about serious money."
Sen. Everett Dirksen

"The jail runs because it has to"

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
Mark Twain

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"It is better to be feared than loved"

The golden rule:
"He who has the gold, makes the rules"

Machiavelli

Why, thank you Jurak for using my quote but I have to be honest and say that I didn't come up with that...I got it from another source. Anyway, some more quotes:

"Passion rules reason."
(The Wizard's Third Rule from Blood of the Fold)
"The best intentions can create the greatest harm."
(The Wizard's Second Rule from The Stone of Tears)
"Wizard's First Rule: People are stupid; given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything. Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie because they want to believe it, or because they are afraid it might be true. People's heads are full of knowledge, facts, and beliefs, and most of it is false, yet they think it all true. People are stupid; they can only rarely tell the difference between a lie and the truth, and yet they are confident they can, and so, are all the easier to fool."
(From Zedd in the book, Wizard's First Rule)
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."
(from Nat King Cole in the song Nature Boy)
"It's hard to get into a rut when you rarely take the same path twice."
(Dan Lee Dimke)
"A trick, if done properly, is magic."
(From the book, Wizard's First Rule)
"Sometimes, you have to lose yourself in order to find yourself again."
(Stuart Wilde)
"Failing to prepare is preparing to fail."
(Wayne Gretzky)
"Ninety percent of the game is half mental."
(Yogi Berra)

A few for all you drinkers out there.... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." Frank Sinatra

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk in order to spend time with his friends." Ernest Hemingway

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." Henny Youngman

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" Brian O'Rourke

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." Dave Barry

Cheers. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

I shall seek and find you . . .

I shall take you to bed and control you . . .

I will make you ache, shake, and sweat until you grunt and groan . . .

I will make you beg for mercy . . .

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I leave . . .

And you will be weak for days . . .

All my love . . .




The Flu <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/puppyeyes.gif" alt="" />

wow, he looks like a king!
how can u tell???
he doesn't have S#1T all over him.

"If you build it, they will come."

And now more Minsc and Boo. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

"The stuff of legends right Boo?"

"Don't teach my hamster to suck eggs."

"Squeaky wheel gets da kick" - More Minsc

this here's my boomstick!

gimme some sugar baby.

baby, you got reaaal ugly.

aw, that's just pillow-talk, baby.

you ain't leadin but two things right now, jack and s**t. and jack left town.

shop smart. shop s-mart.

groovy.

--ok, who knows these? hmm? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

Can we have a hint?

Third from last sounds familiar.

Bruce Campbell... the man with the chin....
that's from Evil Dead <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

like I said... I love my horror flicks <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"A good friend will come bail you out of jail. But a true friend will sitting next to you saying 'damn, we f*cked up'." <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" />

The one who s**s on you is not nessassaraly your enemy and the one who gets you out, is not nessassaraly your friend.

there is no time like the present

hope for the best

expect the unexpected

keep your chin up

grin and bear it

they're all from army of darkness. it's been too long since i've seen evil dead to quote it. i love bruce campbell. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

heh yeah i have the special edition dvd in the creepy Book of
the Dead case... the picture quality is SUPERB compared to the
original on VHS... i can't even watch the original anymore,
it's too misty... had an Evil Dead Trilogy-fest with some buddies
not too long ago, as well... it was 'groovy' <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />

"You know out here, they got a name, for rain, and wind, and fire. The rain is Tess, the fire's Joe, and the call the wind Mariah" - Paint your wagon

One I've heard on latest party
"If You wanna be my friend take my ........... in Your hand"

If they would make hippo's smaller your parents wouldn't give you such a hard time about getting one as a pet.

"Age can come with wisdom, or it can come alone."

"Our wisdom comes from our experience, and our experience comes from our foolishness."

Wealth and wisdom are seldom seen together, for one who has achieved one has no use for the other.

Talking comes by nature, silence by wisdom. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shhh.gif" alt="" />
-- Unknown



<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

If one had true wisdom, would we be online looking for it in a thread on one liners?

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shhh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

"Wisdom can come when one least expects to find it" - anon

"women can come when one least expects to find them" - <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> single anon

On Debate and Arguing...

"A man never tells you anything until you contradict him."

"I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends.
I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent.
People know this, and steer clear of me at parties.
Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me."

"The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either
a fool or he is getting ready to skin you."

On Computers....

"All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors."


"I do not fear computers. I fear lack of them."

"If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer,
a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get one million miles to the gallon,
and explode once a year, killing everyone inside."

"Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk?"


"What goes up must come down.
Ask any system administrator." <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wave.gif" alt="" />

Hello everyone,

"I've been poor and I've been rich and now that I know which is which, I'd rather be rich."

Thanks, <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />

"Do I feel bad about this? Tell me, do you feel bad when you flush the toilet" - Tommy Monaghan, shooting inmates in the cells of Arkham Asylum.

a few toasts......

"here's looking up your old address."-Anon

"Here's to the whole world, lest some stupid person take offense."-Anon

"let us wet our whistles." -Petronius

"here's to good friends,
tonight is kind of special."- Lowenbrau commercial

"let us toast the fools; But for them
the rest of us could not succeed."-Mark Twain

"Here's to you, as good as you are,
And here's to me, as bad as i am;
And as bad as i am, and as good as you are,
I'm as good as you are, as bad as i am."-Old Scottish toast.


Cheers <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" /> ...

screw this
I'm out of ehre
Who cares?
What the -?
hmm, I think we should do...


thnx for the drink <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"The belief in a special destiny is one of the most rampant and harmful delusions on earth"

"There is one purpose to life and one only: to bear witness and to understand as much as possible of the complexity of the world - Its beauty, its mysteries, its riddles. The more you understand, the more you look, the greater your enjoyment of life and your sense of peace. Thats all there is to it. Everything else is fun and games. If an activity is not grounded in "to love" or "to learn", it does not have value"

Both from "Servant of the Bones" by Anne Rice.

You wake up in the morning, get something for the pot
Wonder why the sun makes the rocks feel hot
Draw on the walls, eat, sleep, get laid
Back in the good old days

Then some damn fool invents the wheel
Listen to the white walls squeal
You spend all day looking for a parking spot
Nothing for the heart, nothing for the pot.

- Me Or Him - Roger Waters

That is kinda strange...

Hey, when our ancestors lived in the caves, they were the first verse.

Some [nocando] discovers the wheel and here we are, I know how much that sucks because I live near major road <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

roger waters <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

there's always one more!

@Jurak: Hehe! At least someone knows Roger Waters <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
That track is from a solo album "Radio Kaos". Good stuff <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"Scientists..have isolated the gene for a fruit fly that is eyeless. And when they take his genes and inject them into other fruit flies -God have mercy on his tiny creatures- do you know these fruit flies produce eyes all over their bodies? Eyes on their elbows? And on their wings?. Doesnt that make you love scientists? Dont you feel tenderness for them and respect for them?" - Servant of the Bones, Anne Rice

what? is that for real? cool!

I think it might be true. I just thought it was a good quote. Id look for info on the net if my comp wasnt being a slow piece of crap <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

Servant of the bones....

and the official site of annerice.com

with some absolutely lovely <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> ...Tchaikovsky's "Violin Concerto in D, Op. 35," performed by Leila Josefowicz on the CD "Violin for Anne Rice."

very nice page.

and for that my one liner would be.....

there's always a page out there you've never seen yet!......... [color:"#33cc33"]Jurak the green filantroop surfer extraordinare[/color]

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

@mandrake;That track is from a solo album "Radio Kaos". Good stuff <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />

i've got these:

in the flesh
Goodbye Mr.Pink
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />

Hmm! Interesting review ,though he obviously doesnt like Anne Rice much. This is the only book of hers Ive read so I cant really comment on how similair it is to her other stuff. But it doesnt take a genius to see the similarities between an undead servant spilling his guts to a writer, and a vampire doing the same thing to a reporter. Still her style is pretty good and if the other books a similair I might read them. Maybe <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

What the heck is a filantroop?

no time like the present <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

People in glass houses shouldnt walk around naked.

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kitty.gif" alt="" />

I think that depends... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

on.....

who what when where and how...

cuz...


if you got it flaunt it! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

smoke 'em if you got 'em cause we're never gonna learn

can't dance...and too fat to fly... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

No way I'm reading this whole thing to see if it's been posted before so here's my simple philosophy.

Nothing risked, nothing gained.

repitition is a necessary form of learning

Especially around here. Er, what were we talking about?

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kitty.gif" alt="" />

If you give someone a watch and they like it does that mean there's no present like the time? Or if you give them a brain its presents of mind?

No, dont bother hitting me. I'll hit myself!

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kitty.gif" alt="" />

"Run that by me again"

2 short of a six pack <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wave.gif" alt="" />

missing something upstairs

lights are on but nobodys home.... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shhh.gif" alt="" />

as thick as two short planks <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

The wheel is spinning but the gerbil is dead!

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kitty.gif" alt="" />

Who am I ?

A Different Drum.

Who am i to argue

takes two to tango.... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/badsmile2.gif" alt="" />

Three's a crowd <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kissyou.gif" alt="" />

fours an orgy

five's quintuplets.

more than a handfull's a waste.....

but more is merrier

Too many cooks....

too many chiefs and not enough indians <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

You just don't know how to use it!

Am I Very Wrong ?

WoW!! 1968 eh? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />
I was 10 <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
but know what?... still good music to this very day! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

if i want your opinion I'LL give it to you <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/badsmile2.gif" alt="" />

Don't listen to what I say. Listen to what I mean!

you talking to me ,or chewing a brick.

that's

do as i say ......not as i do! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Are you questioning my authority?

Yes

Hope I translate it right. Good old russian expressions.

The further in a wood, the guerrillas are thicker.

or another version:

The further in a wood, the third superfluous.

can't see the wood for the trees.

are you not hearing the words that are coming out of my mouth, don't you see my lips moving?

Whats a matter? Cat got your tongue?

hmm had a friend who used this 1 liner with the girls;

Xcuse me, but would you like to have your navel tickled from the inside??

Moral of the story; hey he got slapped in the face 9 out of 10 times, but 1 out of 10 he got Lucky <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Luckybone <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/suspicion.gif" alt="" />

yes,and it was a 85 year old woman, with a navel probably hanging down her ankle somewere <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Yep <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />
and it was reported on the news the next morning
that the man reportedly
chewed off his own arm just to get away!
cuz she was some butt ugly! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

it may have been a dog or some other animal that couldn't say no. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" /> was he drunk every time he said those 1 liner?

You can't fool all of the people all of the time.

But you can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

we're off like a herd of turtles... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/stupid.gif" alt="" />

Men! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

"Are you deaf or stupid?"

From my favorite Bud Spencer & Terence Hill movie "Who Fiends A Friend, Finds A Treasure" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

One fool can ask more questions within a munute than hundred wisest man can answer.

Worse things happen at sea.

How bad can it be?

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kitty.gif" alt="" />

Loose lips sink ships.

"better to ask a stupid question, then to make a stupid mistake"

See what happens when you get me thinking!!

"...and her's looked like they'd just given birth to a cow."
- The Year My Country Broke

i'm not the fig pluckers father,... i'm the fig pluckers son! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

This is another fine mess you've gotten us into...

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kitty.gif" alt="" />

There's a Fly in the ointment.

Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we diet!

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kitty.gif" alt="" />

I highly recommend the "Epigrams" by the roman poet (poet ? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> ) Martial (originally he was from what is now spain).
They are a gem among ancient literature and so much ... "sex & crime" - type, that they've been censored for centuries now. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> The whole life ! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> I don't really know whether you can buy an un-censored book of the Epigrams - I doubt so.
The style in which Martial writes is so higly cynical that it proves him to be a Master of Cynism. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> Truly ! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/exclamation.gif" alt="" />

He was a friend of Pliny the Younger (right spelled ?), whose Letters I practically adore. The total contrast to Martial's "Epigrams", the "Letters" are very simple in a way, and personally I love them because of their ... style. I can't describe it, but they are kind of the other side of the coin (considering both Martial and Pliny the Younger).

Mmmmm....OKAY Alrik.
You can lead a horse to water , but you can't make it drink.

"There Aint No Such Thing As A Free Lunch" or better known as TANSTAAFL accorded to the late, great and very missed Robert A Heinlein

Eat sh-it, 1 trillion, million Fly's can't be wrong ? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" />

"Some girls wonder by mistake."

Eldritch (The sisters of mercy)

Here i sit all broken hearted, went to sh#t and only farted. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" />

Here in Oz we have a phenomena known as BYO, means you can bring your own bottle of wine to a Restaurant, from this spawned a phrase that seem to be particular to blondes (Present blondes excepted of course);
BYOB = Bring Your Own Brains <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" />

A lot of house parties in England are BYO.I used to hide my booze in strange places at parties because i always took some good stuff campared to the cr-ap some people took.
.
.
Don't throw good money after bad.

Better that way than the other! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

True, true.
Truth is in the eye of the beholder.

stick your head bewteen your knees and kiss your as* good-bye.

Takes one to know one.

You are what you eat, and I'm a chocolate cake!

Don't talk with your mouth full.

shake it, don't break it

Doesn't that hurt ?

Don't pick at your food or it'll never heal!

where i lay my head is my stomping ground. anyone who gets in my way shall get stomped. the stomping shall be quick. the stomping shall be painful. and i shall show no mercy in all my stomping.

stop pouting or your face will stay that way

I'm pink therefore I'm spam!

i recalled this from one of the south park episodes where stan's teacher (i think it's mr garrison) said ...

there's no such thing as stupid questions. only people. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

We're not playing on an even field.

"I do not trust people who pick on children as far as I could toss them, even if I could toss them very far, and toss them I shall"

Minsc

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kitty.gif" alt="" />

Eeeeww...you got a bare faced cheek. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/puppyeyes.gif" alt="" />

Only if you're the beholder. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

You're right though, Alrik.
[color:"yellow"] Beauty [/color] is in the eye of the beholder.
But that might hurt too, eh.
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" />

"Ignorance is Bliss"

In which case I know a lot of ppl named Bliss <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

old chinese proverb...

no tickee....no washee! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

There's two sides to every story.

every picture tells a story.......don't it! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"I'm always happy because ignorance is ... Umm..."
"Bliss. Ignorance is bliss."
"Oh great! Now it's gone!"
"Sorry..."
- Dilbert

"im just a Q without a U"...Ned Flanders

like a dog without a home <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/puppyeyes.gif" alt="" />

i used to be indecisive, but i'm not so sure now.

once i thought i was wrong, but i was only mistaken.... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

You can all go to hell in a handbasket.

too really appreciate this phenomena, one should read some of Pierce Anthony's books <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Aside from that, " a handbasket"? I mean really why not a purse or a suitcase <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

doobee doobee dooooooooo

it's not the heat...it's the humidity! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

or

dentist to over-anxious gabby patient.....

"madam would you please shut your mouth, and open your mouth!"

It's too cold for snow.
look's like snow.
Never eat yellow snow.

it'll be a great day if it don't rain.... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/stupid.gif" alt="" />

I don't know wether i'm coming or going <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/badsmile2.gif" alt="" />

"Man doesn't the time fly!"

another one of those curious english sayings ??

Time and tide wait for no man.
There's no time like the present.
Time is on my side.

Today is the Tomorrow that we worried about Yesterday

"If one drinks from a bottle marked poison, it is sure to disagree with one's self sooner or later."

time flies when yer havin fun..! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Time flies like knives. Fruit flies like bananas.

Never in a month of Sundays.

hee! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

i tell u this game will rock u! it'll blow your mind!
it's a breakthrough! it's like nothing u've ever seen!

-- by all game developers.

"Women are the reason I became a monk... and the reason I changed back..."

You've got more lines than Crewe railway station.

"You know, if I could click you, you wouldn?t know a moment?s peace!" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

" Always trust Microsoft Content"


Err today MS made public that there was a huge flaw in their operating system ... but they didn't say which one <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/question.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/question.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/question.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/question.gif" alt="" />

That WAS the flaw. there operating sytsem <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Hey, don't shoot the messenger.

"Honestly, what program would require more than 640kb of RAM?"
- Bill Gates, 1980

haha!! i remember that. even my teacher quoted that.

life's a bitch than you marry one

Windows logo on startup

- What do you want to reinstall today? -

HA HA <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/badsmile2.gif" alt="" />

Good one Egin

My tongue's as dry as a Pharoah's sock.

Wheeww! At least at was his sock :P

"No gnu's is good gnu's!!!"

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kitty.gif" alt="" />

"She's as rough as a bag of spanners" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

She's got a face like a burnt rubber boot!

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kitty.gif" alt="" />

You can please some of the ppl some of the time, but you can't please all the ppl all the time <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Imay not always be right but I am never wrong <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

She's got a face like a fire-damaged stickle-brick!

Probably Spick will only understand that one.... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"She's got an ar-se like the back end of a bus"

Which is why you see a lot of women with Bulldogs <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

she's so smart she thinks chocolate milk comes from brown cows! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />





why's that?? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

I'm just a squirrel tryin' to get a nut <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" />

Shes got an ar-se like a bag of spuds.

when i was born my mom said "what a treasure",

and my dad said "yeah, let's bury it! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

I'm so bright , my mother calls me sunny! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

"We don't stop playing because we grow old...we grow old because we stop playing." G.B. Shaw

Well the saying goes that Bulldogs have such flat faces cause they chase parked cars/busses <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

On thin lady's..."Iv'e seen more meat on a Butchers pencil."
On fat lady's..."There she blows"

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" /> PMSL! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

I spilt spot remover on my dog and now he's gone. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/disagree.gif" alt="" />

"You've got more front than Brighton beach"

"the early bird gets the worm, the early worm ...well gets eaten" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"the early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

As dead as a do-do.

"Flying is easy, just jump of a building and ... miss"

From THHGTTG

it's as easy as ABC

"If you are a welknown personality, don't dangle babies in front of Balconies or Crocodiles"

News Reporter <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

That whole episode with Steve Irwin was crap. I think his response is the best thing that could be said:

nice on Rince! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

is a frog'sass watertight! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" />

but .... i'm kinda <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" /> ing ......no it's not......
maybe that's why you can only see their heads sticking up out of the water! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

If a tree falls down in the Woods and there is no-one there to hear it, does it make a sound??? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" />

"If a tree falls in the woods, and lands on a mime, does anyone care?"
- Gary Larson

Curiosity educated the cat!

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kitty.gif" alt="" />

It ain't over until the fat lady is on a diet <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"I didn't do it, it wasn't my fault" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Morbo says it's cool to talk in the 3th person about yourself

Who is.... "not me?" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" />

"I don't think that story holds much water" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" />

are you trying to give me a snow job!

or
Are you trying to pull the wool over my eyes?

or,
I'm tellin you man, trust me...I know what i'm talking about!

or...
never buy anything made on a Friday or a Monday!

or...
if I go real fast maybe nobody will notice!

"you shouldn't start what you can't finish"
After belching..."More tea Vicar"
or after swearing..."Pardon my French"

"Never talk to strangers"

Hmm if you can't talk to strangers, then how do you get to meet ppl????

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" /> Dance with them! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

Slap them with a large herring!!

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kitty.gif" alt="" />

smack the daylights out of him!

"got to see a man about a dog"

"Gotta go and shake a hand with my best friend" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

After a double entendre(Sp?)...."as the actress said to the Bishop"

gotta drop the kids off at the pool.

Right now? Make sure you wipe properly.... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
Gotta 'pinch a loaf' myself. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

i got a turtle pokin.


i speak my mind, because biting my tongue hurts.

oh and ...my back teeth are floatin.... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />


"still shakin boss, still shakin..." ......Cool Hand Luke <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"Nip it in the bud"

my fav......Back when i was kneehigh to a grasshopper....

and

if you had half a brain....... it would die of lonelyness! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/puppyeyes.gif" alt="" />

"Don't count your Chickens 'till the eggs have hatched"

she looks like 7 miles of bad road.

person 1--where is it?
person 2--if it was in your [nocando] you would know.

take a long walk off a short pier...

"take a hike"
"Hit the road"
"On yer bike"
"Shift yer butt"
"get outa my face"

"If at first you don't succeed try and try again"

"If at first you don't succeed try and try again" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"It's like Deja-Vu all over again. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

If at first you don't succeed, sky-diving isn't for you.

As sure as Eggs is Eggs.

"Eggs....they're not just for Breakfast anymore!" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"The grass is always greener at the otherside of the fence"

You are telling me, I have a friend who is growing some grass in his backyard ... next to a police station, the funny thing is in the yard at the police station they have taller grass plants than at my friends backyard <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" />

Some Dork at work always comes up with this one when you mention something that you've done recently, like for instance , if there's a new woman in your life....."I've had more WOMEN than you've had hot dinners"...Dork <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/suspicion.gif" alt="" />

"I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people." <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

A camel is actually a horse as designed by a committee.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

I have an inferiority complex. But it's not a very good one.

What if the "Hokey Pokey" really is what it's all about? ... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" />

Well, then just tell him you got syphalis... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

"When in Rome, do as the Romans do"
I strongly believe in that one, but unfortunatly my country sucks up to every Tom ,Di-ck or Harry that comes to our shores !! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/down.gif" alt="" />

your country's used to be an empire that had colonies suck at its brit empire toes. so now it's in reverse. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" />

Can a stupid person be a smart-a[nocando]ss? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Never argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and then beat you with experience!

If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />


You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.

A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.



<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Albert Einstein (sp?) believed that Space and Time were fundimentally the same thing. That's why he was always arriving 5 miles late to press conferences.

You could be right there Janggut <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" />, personally i think it's the politically correct subject again, "Don't upset the minorities"
.
.
Rome was not built in a day.

Let me win.

And if I cannot win.

Let me be brave in the attempt.

"You're trying to get a round peg in a square whole"

Ever wondered what a smart a=s=s= is?
simple it is an educated a=s=s=hole <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

If the universe is infinite, then everything is true somewhere.

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kitty.gif" alt="" />

not true!

(so, if my statement is true, that means somewhere your statement is not true, which means somewhere my statement is true, which makes your statemnt somewhere untrue which makes-)

oops, i think my head just exploded. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" /> <--- those are my brains flying out of my head.

Come again. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" />

@ faile: Great, I have a perfectly illogical theory and you have to come and bring paradox into it! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />


<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kitty.gif" alt="" />

The question is: What's the universal definition of "true" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/mage.gif" alt="" />

Someplace truth will mean truth but someplace truth will mean false.. Even if it has the same meaning.. Just like one place in the universe chicken is mushroom.. But taste the same.. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" />

Hmm if memory serves me right some Greek guy has been debating that for ages:

"What is Truth?"

The the smart a** from before came around and said; a five letter word you moron!"

or in Jessica Simpson's case Chicken of the Sea is really tuna..... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

"Don't beat about the bush"
"spit it out"
"say it straight"
"Give it to me in words of one silable(SP?)"
Oh and i saw this one above a urinal ,in a bar i was in the other night..."We aim to please,will you aim too please" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Yeah that cracked me up too <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> "I know this is Tuna, but is it fish or chicken?"

Man a whole new meaning for BYOB (Bring Your Own Brains) <roflmao>

syllable. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Cheers for that faile. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />
"Cut to the chase"
"crack on"

oh boy, spick is really on a roll with quips & 1 liners! dude, u have ways with words. i bet that's how u got your now wife. u smooth talker! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />

lol.

i got one.

"er"

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

"hey, i know u!"
"we've met before, haven't we?"
"i say, old boy, isn't it time for tea?"

"no you don't!" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" />

"This time, whatever we do, let's make sure this never... happens... again!"

WHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


faile still drunkie!!!! can't see keyboard, all i see is blurry little letters. but i can still kinda spelll!

faile, u should lie down on the portable bed u found in the house north of haunted abbey. i'm sure the intoxication effects will go away after the nap.

if not, look for raze for technical advise. i'm sure he'll ask u to get rid of all the files in the dynamic folder before proceeding further.

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

How drunkie is drunkie?

"your teeth are like the Stars....they come out at night" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

seems i was fairly drunk... i keep finding little messages from me everywhere. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ouch.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shame.gif" alt="" />

Drunken posting...... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"that's just not crickett, ol'boy!"

Things my granny says:

'If the wind changes your face will stay like that'
'Its too cold to snow' ....its -40deg C in the arctic and they have plenty of the stuff there!

There are many other classics, I'll have to call her and get a few. I can't stop sniggering as I write this. Ah, those were the days... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"I want to speak to the Organ grinder , not the Monkey"

"The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know"

Why in heaven's sake anyone would wanna know a devil in the first place is a mystery ! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"I'm on cloud 9"
Where does that one come from??
and this one..."Every cloud has a silver lining"

"Don't put all your eggs in one Basket"

Hmm .. a carton with 12 eggs isn't a basket but ...

"Don't count your chickens till they hatch ...

Hmm .. how can you count chickens when they aren't hatched?

failes cool.

thank you. *bows* <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

at least last night i was too drunk to even get on the computer. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ohh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Were you..."Drunk as a Lord" ?
or..."Pis-sed as a fa-rt" ?
or maybe "Bladdered" ? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" />

well, i was [nocando]-faced, pissed, trashed, smashed, and definitely drank myself stupid. it was awesome.

"life is never wasted when your wasted all the time"

That's okay. They're uncomfy to sleep/pass out on.

I am happy you were having a good time <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"a good time was had by all"


<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kitty.gif" alt="" />

"I'm happy, you're happy, we're all happy....ha-ha-ha-ha"..Rocky Horror Picture Show. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" />

"You're wet." "It's raining!"


"Is it!" "Clever!" "Slight teething problem, it goes back six seconds..."
- Rex the Runt

"Frankly Scarlett, i don't give a damn! "

hot water burn baby!

Sign in Toilet...PLEASE LEAVE THESE TOILETS AS YOU WOULD EXPECT TO FIND THEM.
Do they mean through the door? it's not as though you're going to get in through the window is it. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" />

Signs in toilets;

while sitting down you read in front of you "Look left"
when you look left you read "Look Right"
when you look right you read "Look up"
when you look up you read "Look behind"
when you look behind you read " Careful you don't make a mess on the seat!!"

for a good time .....call thor... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
more fun than a barrel of monkeys! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

More face than Everest.

NO WAY!!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Here, here. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/down.gif" alt="" />

"as the blindman said to the deaf" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"Now the shits gonna hit the fan"

"The excrement's hit the oscillating ventilator!"

"you're the Boss"

"whatever dear <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />"

are you sure? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

"for the Millionth time....stop exaggerating"

I can do that!!!

Two wrongs don't make a right.

Three rights makes a left.

poo.

"Did I do that"

"It's as plain as the nose on my face"

* if little Kenny Dingleberry jumped off the Burlington Bridge, would you have to jump off the Burlington Bridge as well??*


"eat your vegetables"
"you can't have any pudding, if you don't eat your meat" -PF
"are we almost there"
"everyone else has one"

"you! yes you! stand still, laddie!"

I din't do it

As my English teacher used to say:

"As dry as a nun's twat!"

"You should try and turn over a new leaf, if you don't roll it up and smoke it first."

Hey that's not fair! give me back my underwear! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Keep a lid on it.
Thats between me and the gatepost.
keep that under your belt.
Walls have ears.
It's on a need to know basis, and you don't need to know.!
Keep that to yourself.
Mum's the word.
keep your nose out of it.
Mind your bees knees.
Name, Number,Rank.
loose lips sink ships.

** are you lost? **
No I am not lost !


** Old Startrek Quip **

You are lost aren't you ?

err I don't think so, but if we are, we are making goood time ! ***

how YOU doinnn' (joey from friends)

If you can't be good, be careful.
Keep your legs crossed.

If you can't be careful.....name it after me! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Gotta go....

"Some Days!!"

Two swallows don't make a summer. (no crude remarks please)
You can't have your cake and eat it.

Yet so many people try... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/disagree.gif" alt="" />

"Whatever you say is between me, you, and anyone else I choose to discuss it with."
- Lewton, Discworld Noir

[quote"Whatever you say is between me, you, and anyone else I choose to discuss it with."
- Lewton, Discworld Noir [/quote]

Lovely <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

"Bunch of Cowboys"
"Fly by night"
"Jack of all trades,Master of none"
"Bodge it and scarper"
[color:"yellow"] Anybody know of any other terms like these? [/color]

"I love it when a plan comes together"

Hannibal - The A-team


PS: this is my 5000th post

"I'll keep this short"

that [nocando] is wack!

i think we can say [nocando], can't we?

no guess not.

can we say.... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" /> that shitandcaboodle is wack? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />
..

...thar we go! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />

"whassup with the whack playstation, bro"

You lot are a few crumbs short of a biscuit.

i'll biscuit you!!

look at my knees trembling

"well shiver me timbers !!"

"yeah your strong......but smell aint everything!" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

DUDE!! That DUDE is freaking me out!!

"You and who's army?" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" />

oh my- GET DOWN! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> just joking <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

I'm supposed to be the only afro american in this movie bro.

you're sure funny, but looks aren't everything!

I'm so bright my mother calls me sonny! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

silence woman and take what's comin to yah!!

When a lady friend is looking pale and off colour try this one.."You could do with some meat in ya" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/badsmile2.gif" alt="" />

I was born ready! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Help! i'm a helpless turtle and i can't get up! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

All things come to those who wait.

"A fight to death with only zombies has some inherent problems" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

i am king of my castle..

said to a Japanese friend:) "Holy Macaroni, Batman!"
Japanese friend reply: "I know what macaroni is, but what is Batman?"
Cracked me up no end <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

easy come easy go.

there can be only one

supringly many movies etc use this.

Nah!!! There can be at least two, maybe even three, but then you're gettin' kinda kinky <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

That's the best thing since sliced bread.
You don't get many of those to the pound.
That's a bit half baked.

"Never say never, if you intend to live forever!"

Do I look stupid, or somethin...? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/stupid.gif" alt="" />


and what is......"or something"? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" />

"Do i look like i was born yesterday"
"Are you taking me for a mug"
"You pulling my leg?"

maybe i've posted this one before: "who's your daddy" (supahfly !)

"You're the man"
"The king is dead,long live the King"

If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to here him, is he still wrong?

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" /> I love it! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

"If a tree falls in the forest, and it lands on a mime, does anyone care?"
- Garry Larson