Larian Studios Forums General Chat Chat (Anything) Funk up the news

Take a news event and make a funny headline.


examples:

news: Patrick Stewart recovering heart surgery

funked headline:
Patrick Stewart recovering from angioplasty, a complicated procedure that involves Ensign Crusher recalibrating the shield harmonics by beaming plasma from the warp nacel off of the deflector array and creating a tachion pulse

news: George Lucas may make Star Wars sequels

funked headline:

George Lucas may make Star Wars sequels. Great disturbance in Force felt, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror but were suddenly silenced



Now you give it a try

Genesis spacecraft crashes on reentry, screams of "KHAAAAAAAAAAAN!" heard from mission control center

Recently the USA acquired a new science, according to our local reporter, the new science is apparently very "hush hush" and thus will not be made available for study.

A spokesman for the Goverment stated, that in due time when the science will be better known by the various institutes, the possibility may exist for further exploration.

This reporter, has found out thru private sources that wish to remain unidentified, that the science is not science as such, but rather a study of former wrongdoings of elected members of state, and since nobody can make head or tails about this important subject it has been classified as science and thus can be put under the Act of Social Secrets, to which point it will eventually become mute.

However no-one wished to respond to this reporters question in regards to the 25 year Freedom of Information Act, which states that all secret information must be made public after an expiry of 25 years, except for one anonymous statement, which said " that if it doesn't exist in the first place then it can not be made public in 25 years or any other time period.

To which this reporter concludes that if ppl would believe that, then it is entirelypossible that ppl will believe this, and ergo is making a living by reporting totally inaccurate rubbish that will be read none the less and thus sell newspapers and keep the afore mentioned reporter in a job so he pay off his house mortgage .

News: Low-carb diets bad for stomach?

FUNK!: After a year of this new Low carb diet sweeping through our nation people are finally beginning to realize that Carboydrates are essential for healthy human life, and by depriving themselves so sharply most diet-goes have the following symptoms.
1) are too cool for school
2) have accute brain malfuntion
3) Have died
But they are happy that the loss of muscle tissue is vcausing them to "look thinner"

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> funny morbo...

Hooked up my satellite dish 5 days ago and i think i'm going deaf! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

got to catch up on all that music i've been missing....

...eh?.....what's that...

...oh, i thought i heard something! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

U.S. official says North Korea blast was not nuclear. "No, Mr. President, it's not nucular either"

Study proves there is love at first sight, still no cure for cancer

Headline:
Iraqi elections to go ahead

The Iraqi Prime Minister, Iyad Allawi, says elections will go ahead as scheduled next January, even if some Iraqis will not be able to vote.

Funk:
Iraqi elections to go ahead after a terminal delay

The Iraqi Prime Minister, Iyad Allawi, says elections will go ahead as scheduled next January, even if some Iraqis will not be able to vote.
Iraqis that are not able to vote where nominated as;

1. Saddam Husayn GEN President / Revolutionary Command Council (RCC) Chairman Captured December 13th

2. Qusay Saddam Husayn al-Tikriti Chief, Special Security Organization/special Republican Guard (SSO/SRG); Commander, Central Region Commander Killed July 22nd

3. Uday Saddam Husayn al-Tikriti Member Of The National Assembly, Olympic Committee Killed July 22nd

4. Abid Hamid Mahmud al-Tikriti GEN Saddam’s Personal Secretary, National Security Advisor And Senior Bodyguard/inner Circle Taken into custody June 16th

5. Ali Hasan al-Majid GEN Revolutionary Command Council (RCC) / Commander, Ba'ath Party Regional Command / Inner Circle/ Presidential Advisor/ Head Of Central Workers Bureau Taken into custody August 21st

6. Izzat Ibrahim al-Duri LTG Revolutionary Command Council (RCC) Vice-Chairman / Northern Region Commander / Inner Circle/ Deputy Secretary General, Ba’th Party Regional Command / Deputy Commander, Armed Forces

7. Hani abd al-Latif al-Tilfah al-Tikriti COL Director, Special Security Organization (SSO) And Responsible For Security And Investigations (MUDIRIYAH NUMBER TWO); Assistant To Qusay; Saddam's Nephew

8. Aziz Salih al-Numan Regional Command Chairman For Ba’ath Party Baghdad Taken into custody May 22nd

9. Muhammad Hamza al-Zubaydi Former Secretary Of Ba'ath Party Northern Bureau, Former Deputy Prime Minister, Former Member Of The Ba'ath Regional Command Taken into custody April 20th

10. Kamal Mustafa abdallah Sultan al-Tikriti GEN Secretary, Republican Guard/special Republican Guard (RG/SRG); Inner Circle Taken into custody May 17th

11. Barzan abd al-Ghafur Sulayman Majid al-Tikriti Bg Commander, Special Republican Guard (SRG) Taken into custody July 23rd

12. Muzahim Sab Hasan al-Tikriti LTG Commander, Iraqi Air Defense Forces / Deputy Director Organization Of Military Industrialization (OMI) Taken into custody April 23rd

13. Ibrahim Ahmad abd al-Sattar Muhammad al-Tikriti GEN Chief Of Staff Of Iraqi Armed Forces General Staff & Army Taken into custody May 15th

14. Sayf al-Din Fulayyih Hasan Taha al-Rawi LTG Iraqi Republican Guard (RG) Chief Of

15. Rafi abd al-Latif Tilfah al-Tikriti MG Director, Directorate Of General Security (DGS)
16. Tahir Jalil Habbush al-Tikriti LTG Director, Iraqi Intelligence Service (IIS)

17. Hamid Raja Shalah al-Tikriti LTG Commander, Iraqi Air Force Taken into custody June 14th

18. Latif Nusayyif al-Jasim al-Dulaymi Former Member Of Revolutionary Command Council (RCC) / Central Ba'ath Party Member / Deputy Secretary Of The Ba'ath Military Bureau/inner Circle Taken into custody June 9th

19. abd al-Tawab abdullah Mullah al-Huwaysh GEN Director, Organization Of Military Industrialization (MIC/OMI); Deputy Prime Minister Of Iraq Taken into custody May 2nd

20. Taha Yasin Ramadan al-Jizrawi Iraqi Vice President Taken into custody August 20th

21. Rukan Razuki abd al-Ghafar Sulayman al-Nasiri Bg Saddam’s Senior Bodyguard/head-Tribal Affairs/inner Circle

22. Jamal Mustafa abdallah Sultan al-Tikriti Saddam’s Personal Security/ Deputy Chief-Tribal Affairs/inner Circle/ Presidential Diwan/saddam Husayn’s Son-in-Law Taken into custody April 20th, turned over the Coalition April 21st

23. Mizban Khudr al-Hadi Member Of Revlutionary Command Council (RCC)/central Euphrates Region Commander/ Ba'ath Party Regional Command Member/secretary Of Central Peasants Bureau Taken into custody on July 9th

24. Taha Muhyi al-Din Maruf Vice President, Member Of Revolutionary Command Council (RCC)

25. Tariq Aziz Deputy Prime Minister / Revolutionary Command Council (RCC) Taken into custody April 25th

26. Walid Hamid Tawfiq al-Tikriti GEN Governor Of al-Basrah, Former Special Security Organization (SSO) Chief Surrendered April 29th

27. Sultan Hashim Ahmad al-Jabburi al-Tai GEN Iraqi Minister Of Defense; Inner Circle Taken into custody September 19th

28. Hikmat Mizban Ibrahim al-Azzawi Deputy Prime Minister / Minister Of Finance Taken into custody April 18th

29 . Mahmud Dhiyab al-Ahmad Iraqi Minister Of Interior Surrendered on August 8th

30. Ayad Futayyih Khalifa al-Rawi Quds Force Chief Of Staff Taken into custody June 4th

31. Zuhayr Talib abd al-Sattar al-Naqib LTG Director, Directorate Of Military Intelligence (DMI) Taken into custody April 23rd

32. Amir Hamudi Hasan al-Sadi LTG Presidential Advisor, Scientific And Technical Affairs Surrendered April 12th

33. Amir Muhammad Rashid al-Tikriti al-Ubaydi LTG Presidential Advisor Taken into custody April 28th

34. Hussam Muhammad Amin al-Yasin LTG Head, National Monitoring Directorate (NMD) (SINCE AT LEAST 1992); Former Minister Of Interior Taken into custody April 27th

35. Muhammed Mahdi al-Salih Iraqi Minister Of Trade Taken into custody April 23rd

36. Sabawi Ibrahim al-Hasan al-Tikriti Presidential Advisor; Half Brother Of Saddam Husayn

37. Watban Ibrahim Hasan al-Tikriti Presidential Advisor; Half Brother Of Saddam Husayn Taken into custody April 13th

38. Barzan Ibrahim Hasan al-Tikriti Presidential Advisor; Half Brother Of Saddam Husayn Taken into custody April 16th

39. Huda Salih Mehdi Ammash Central Ba'ath Party Regional Command Member, Head Of Professional Bureau And Student Youth Bureaus (MAJOR PLAYER IN BIOTECH/GENETIC PROGRAMS) Taken into custody May 9th

40. abd al-Baqi abd al-Karim al-Abdallah al-Sadun Central Ba'ath Party Regional Command Chairman, Diyala Region

41. Muhammad Zimam abd al-Razzaq al-Sadun Central Ba'ath Party Regional Chairman, Ninawah And Ta'mim Governorates Taken into custody Feb 16th 2004

42. Samir abd al-Aziz al-Najim Central Ba'ath Party Chairman, Baghdad al-Resafa District Taken into custody April 17th

43. Humam abd al-Khaliq abd al-Ghafur Minister Of Higher Education And Scientific Research Taken into custody April 19th

44. Yahya abdallah al-Ubaydi Central Ba'ath Party Regional Chairman, Basrah Governorate

45. Nayif Shindakh Thamir Ghalib Ba'ath Party Regional Chairman An-Najaf Governorate

46. Sayf al-Din al-Mashhadani Central Ba'ath Party Regional Chairman, al-Muthanna Governorate Taken into custody May 24th

47. Fadil Mahmud Gharib Central Ba'ath Party Chairman, Babil Governorates Taken into custody May 15th

48. Muhsin Khadr al-Khafaji Ba'ath Party Chairman, al-qadisiyah Governorate Taken into custody Feb 7th 2004

49. Rashid Taan Kazim Central Ba'ath Party Regional Chairman, Anbar Governorate

50. Uglah Abid Saqir al-Kubaysi Central Ba'ath Party Regional Chairman, Maysan Governorate Taken into custody May20th

51. Ghazi Hammud al-Ubaydi Central Ba'ath Party Regional Command Chairman, Wasit Governorate Taken into custody May 7th

52. Adil abdallah Mahdi al-Duri al-Tikriti Ba'ath Party Regional Chairman, Dhi Qar Governorate Taken into custody May 15th

53. Husayn al-Awadi Bg Ba'ath Party Regional Command Chairman, Ninawa Governorate; Bg In Chemical Corps Taken into custody June 9th

54. Khamis Sirhan al-Muhammad Ba'th Party Regional Chairman For Karbala Governorate Taken into custody January 11th 2004

55. Sad abd al-Majid al-Faysal Ba'th Party Regional Chairman For Salah al-Din Governorate Taken into custody May 24th

Lots of BAD PEOPLE!

no, they're not bad people. they're just people. who happen to be bad. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

YOull say anything to defy me. grrrr

argh you guys kill me <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

New "Linux Standard Base" announced to help stop fragmentation of Linux. In other news, Tux the Penguin to re-unite all protestant churches under one faith

New book says there's a 67% chance that God exists. Also, 83% chance Jesus did Mary Magdalene, and 99.999% chance the Buddha looked nothing like Keanu Reeves

Look left, look right...look up?? Taking the concept of "wrong place at the wrong time," 63 year-old man killed by flying boiler whilst crossing the street

Viagra users getting younger and younger - Pfizer soon to change blue diamond pills into Flintstone chewables

Stolen U2 lyrics returned after 23 years. Bono: I just found what I've been looking for

Scientists intoxicate honey bees to study alcoholism. Bees claim they aren't drunk, just buzzed

Cher issues Bush warning -- thank God she's talking about the president

events of the day:

Arafat -- who was deathly ill, not deathly ill, in a coma, not in a coma, dead, not dead, brain dead, not brain dead, awake and communicating, now reportedly dead again

Yasser Arafat is finally dead, say Palestinian sources. Should be alive again by this afternoon

French medical services insist Arafat is still alive and playing Halo 2

And may favorite of the day:

Arafat -- who was deathly ill, not deathly ill, in a coma, not in a coma, dead, not dead, brain dead, not brain dead, awake and communicating, dead again, alive again. In other news Jesus consedes defeat.

Very dark humour. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Acomplia a wonder pil, recent results show that this drug helps ppl loose almost 4 times as much weight as those fed placebo's, not only is it a diet drug it also helps poeple stop from smoking, no long term side-effects are known. What is 100% sure is that by the time the drug will be made commercial it would be to late for Arrafat. As some claim this miracle pill to cure any addaction world peace may be at hand.

VP Cheney rushed to hospital. Bush notified, ready to assume power if necessary

Patrick Stewart dating woman almost 40 years younger - Make it so