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! -->JOKES<-- ;P #130082
23/11/03 09:54 PM
23/11/03 09:54 PM
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 64
Halfway to Heaven
Propheet Offline OP
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Propheet  Offline OP
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Propheet's illfamous jokes, part 1

----->NPC's in questions and answers:

Kistandalius:

Q:Ever wondered why he is wearing jesters hat?
A:And have you seen his prices?

El'Gammon:

Q:What is the last fake item to be bought from him?
A:It is his tongue. (trader's tongue)
Q:So why he still can talk?
A:As I said, it's just as fake, as the previous ones.

Corinna the Summoner:

Q:Why was Corinna unable to control the demon she summoned?
A:She didn't follow the Ragons advice to eat all of her straw hat. Oh, yeah, and she forgot to put a tomato at the tip of her head; as you can see in her avatar, she has put there a bunch of grapes instead.

Q:Ok, so I made it to get this branch, wine and the book. Is there anything else I can do, to summon a demon?
A:Yes; try the Archmages Ragons advice. Go to nearest grocery to buy tomatoes. Straw hat can be found in Departament Store. If you are to lazy to actually go there, try hex editing your position...:P

Merchant Blake:

Q:I read in a "Spoiler Quest Guide" that he is to be found in merchants area, but I still can't find him, so I can't solve the Nericon Garden quest...
A:It is the only guy that can't be pickpocketed. If you still have problems, even after you edited your save to get the maximum level of pickpocketing, try learning reading. To do this go to nearest nursery school. Again, if you are to lazy to move, try hex editing your position...

----> F.U.C.Q.(frequently unasked curiosal questions):

Q:I get the message screen that says: "Please put the divinity game cd in CD drive". What should I do?
A:
step 1: Remove coffee cup from the coffee cup tray.
step 2: put the mentioned cd FACE UP in the CD tray(if don't know where this is, refer to your coffee cup tray manufacturer for latest drivers and sugar/cream).
step 3: close the tray. Avoid using your leg, your sword or any of your guns to do so. This might cause losing your coffee tray's warranty.


Q:My game frequently crashes, and the game pace is !@#$#$% slow!!!
A:Buy a new computer.
A:If you are running Windows:
1)close all programs
2)in start menu choose "close system"
3)choose "restart in DOS mode"
4)type FORMAT C: and press [enter]
5)follow the instructions
6)press [ctrl]+[alt]+[delete]
7)install any Linux distribution.
8)forget about Divine Divinity, or use "Wine". This may make a slight improvement in game pace :P...


Q:What is the silliest death in the game?
A:Summon a 1st level skeleton("skeltington"), then use any of the statues to transform yourself.

Q:Why pressing alt+tab is malfunctioning?
A:You didn't install your pirated version of the game correctly;) if you did, then your computer should've blown up.
A:You forgot to switch your PC off. Pressing the keys THEN is perfectly OK.
A:This is not Diablo. IF you purchased this game as Diablo, contact your coffee cup tray manufacturer, as we told you 2 questions earlier.

Q:What is the latest patch to the game?
A:1.34; if you still discover a lot of bugs, :divinity: proposes all-new anti-bug engine, called "Did It Erself By Userz Gunz" (D.I.E. B.U.G.); to activate it see "Larian Armor Quest"

Q:What is...
A:Stop asking these silly questions!!! Ask Raze, Lynn, or anyone else...

---->Known game BUGZ:

1) Infinite Loop
2) Not Activated
3) Out of Range


---->now, the "Bash the kitty" threads quote:
Quote:

"Why would you want a second copy? [of divinity]" plowking

oh, that's easy. multiplayer.

via telepathic link that can be purchased from larian for those who buy more than one copy of DD.


(by Janggut)

Quote:


Plowking:

I'd like to recite a poem if I may.....it's called:
Where have all the kitties gone!!

Ahem!!

Oh where have all the kitties gone,
I can't find any, in Rivellon.
My blade is stained with kittie blood,
I hurt a few more, than I should!

Tis not my fault, they attacked me thus,
I had little choice, but to crush the puss.
Now they're gone, to kitty heaven,
It's time to find, the council of 7!

Oh where have all the kitties gone,
There are no more, in Rivellon.
But hey, you know, it's not a total loss,
Least I showed them who's the boss!!

I thank you!! (bows)



(Plowkings original, CD-Kiyas forum version)

Quote:


Ode to Kitties!!
Oh were have all the kitties gone,
there are no more, in Rivellon,
'Tis not my fault they attacked me thus,
I no choice, but to crush the puss!

With sharpened sword and shield of steel,
I turn the kitties into a meal,
They claw and scrape, meow and hiss,
They are not something I shall quickly miss!

Oh were have all the kitties gone,
there are no more, in Rivellon,
Oh well tis not a total loss,
Least I showed them who's the boss!!



(Plowkings recent update to a poem. A minute of silence as a tribute to DEAD kitties required. You may leave Your hats on, still...:P)


----> from the Spiders thread quote, about the size of spiders made in the game...:
Quote:


Ya, it was more like rooms full of very agressive/poisonus Mini Coopers! Sorry, all the spiders I have come into contact with were not soft and cuddly! Maybe they could be transformed into kittens? That would be nice




by MSlynx (BTW, nice nick; sort of geneboosted OS hybrid, is it not?)

----> from the "Small Laugh" thread, about the inventory...:
Quote:


Although many games do put a limit on the amount of objects or the weight, it's still the most common thing to walk around with 3 swords, 2 shields, a bow with unlimited arrows, 50 flasks, 20 keys, scrolls, books, an entire bed ( ) etc... I've always wondered how Ms Croft and colleagues put those granade launchers, desert eagles, shotguns... in that small backpack

And then I didn't mention the medipacks yet, or how Blazkowicz (or whats-his-name)[agent Blaskowitz] in Wolfenstein 3D can instantly recover from gunshots by eating a bowl of dogmeat




by kejero
-----------------------------------------------------
PS.: Have any fine joke? Post it after...Let's have some fun, this game is INDEFINITELY worth it :P !!!


PPS.: Anybody have seen my doggie? signed: Timmie.:#
now, about this hat. If anybody, and I mean: reallly!!!! anybody should find nice bonnet, fork, spoon(which, of course, there is no...), pot etc.. please - put screenie herein...!

Last edited by Propheet; 24/11/03 04:57 AM.

You will have a gun on you; but are not to use it under any circumstances- it's only to strengthen your authority. (EH)
Re: ! -->JOKES<-- ;P [Re: Propheet] #130083
24/11/03 01:40 AM
24/11/03 01:40 AM
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 2,111
Graz - Austria
bernhard Offline
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Guess we are in the wrong forum here, but...

Last words of Divinity chars. :

mhhh. I like tea...

Why did I gave this bloody axe to the orc, let´s get it back...

Josie, now you´ll die!...

pigs bring XP...

elite orcs are also only dumb orcs...



to be continued...






bernhard live and let die!
Re: ! -->JOKES<-- ;P [Re: bernhard] #130084
24/11/03 01:51 AM
24/11/03 01:51 AM
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 64
Halfway to Heaven
Propheet Offline OP
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Propheet  Offline OP
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yup. nothing like old-styled in memoriam....:

"Now, where was that darn potio..."


"Otho, why did you put this roast pork receipt near your aaaargh..."

"No worries...You gain all mana and hitpoints back at the level up..."

"Why use this spellshield? I killed Josie plenty of times already..."


You will have a gun on you; but are not to use it under any circumstances- it's only to strengthen your authority. (EH)
Re: ! -->JOKES<-- ;P [Re: Propheet] #130085
24/11/03 02:21 AM
24/11/03 02:21 AM
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 1,878
Germany
Marian Offline
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Well, our first F.U.C.Q.(frequently unasked curiosal questions).

Very nice, but indeed, a bit misplaced in this section...




Wenn sie so überlegen sind, warum sind sie dann so tot?
Re: ! -->JOKES<-- ;P [Re: Marian] #130086
24/11/03 02:32 AM
24/11/03 02:32 AM
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 64
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Propheet Offline OP
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Q: Why is this post here, and not in chat or general section?

A: Because most of the important and funny people who play are bound to see this section more often than the other sections. and then laugh their heads off, so that they are unable to make any more spoilers....:)


(ehem, ehem...I know, I know....I shouldn't play on the ambition of folks here...but still, a piece of flattery is as good, as 5 socketed 380AC shield of the dragon is...)


You will have a gun on you; but are not to use it under any circumstances- it's only to strengthen your authority. (EH)
Re: ! -->JOKES<-- ;P [Re: Propheet] #130087
24/11/03 03:42 AM
24/11/03 03:42 AM
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 907
Interpreting Divine Will ; )
Mslynx Offline
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Interpreting Divine Will ; )
Should we take Marians advice and move this thread Lynn? It is funny. LOL! Don't we already have 1 similar in anything?



Step away from your senses! Your senses blind you!
Gaming In The Divine

Re: ! -->JOKES<-- ;P [Re: Mslynx] #130088
24/11/03 03:55 AM
24/11/03 03:55 AM
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 7,702
Germany
K
kiya Offline
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Divinity Help desk, click here

Yep, Mslynx, you're correct.
Kiya

Re: ! -->JOKES<-- ;P [Re: kiya] #130089
24/11/03 04:05 AM
24/11/03 04:05 AM
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 64
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Propheet Offline OP
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Propheet  Offline OP
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come on!!!
Can anybody give a hellpin( ;;; ) hand out here??? This is tragical!!! help desk is toooooooo funny for me!!! Got any spare ropes to hang on here? or everyone has already completed the Larian armor quest and had used the ropes out?????


You will have a gun on you; but are not to use it under any circumstances- it's only to strengthen your authority. (EH)
Re: ! -->JOKES<-- ;P [Re: Propheet] #130090
24/11/03 09:31 AM
24/11/03 09:31 AM
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 4,357
malaysia
janggut Offline
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i always suspect that i look like a joke.
now i know that my posts are jokes, thanks to propheet.



......a gift from LaFille......
Re: ! -->JOKES<-- ;P [Re: janggut] #130091
24/11/03 01:17 PM
24/11/03 01:17 PM
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 19,669
Rogue Squadron
A
AlrikFassbauer Offline
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I once had a spoon (found it in the cursed Abbey) which had the "life absorb" spell or so.


In the Abbey, breakfast for everyone in the kitchen.

First Monk : "Ouch ! What was that ?"
Second Monk : "Oh, nothing, only a spoon of mine ...."



When you find a big kettle of crazy, it's best not to stir it.
--Dilbert cartoon

"Interplay�.some zombiefied unlife thing going on there" - skavenhorde at RPGWatch
Re: ! -->JOKES<-- ;P [Re: AlrikFassbauer] #130092
25/11/03 09:31 AM
25/11/03 09:31 AM
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 5,016
Melbourne, Australia
HandEFood Offline
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I still like my Kitchen Pot of Hell Spikes. I can just imagine little Timmy using it in a mock battle!

Re: ! -->JOKES<-- ;P [Re: HandEFood] #130093
25/11/03 12:44 PM
25/11/03 12:44 PM
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 64
Halfway to Heaven
Propheet Offline OP
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Propheet  Offline OP
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Hiya guys(and gurls:)!!
Now this is a bit embarassing, for the creator of the post to have to look it up in search, but that's what I had to do, when I came here;) LOL, THAT is a joke on your side this time....BTW, - Lynn, Kiya - your response to Marians and others idea to move it was so surprisingly quick....;)
Anyways, I've almost prepared the second part of DA JOKES, it is upcoming (for anyone who is interested) in a couple of days, this time I'm making fun of the skills in the game....How would you like to see "The way of economist" with glorious "Powers of commodity and budget" as well as "Alimental powers"???
coming up shortly, let me just hang myself out a bit (someone had this spare ropes, after all.....)



You will have a gun on you; but are not to use it under any circumstances- it's only to strengthen your authority. (EH)
Re: ! -->JOKES<-- ;P [Re: Propheet] #130094
25/11/03 04:53 PM
25/11/03 04:53 PM
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 7,702
Germany
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kiya Offline
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Lynn is a fast mod
Kiya

Re: ! -->JOKES<-- ;P [Re: kiya] #130095
26/11/03 01:21 PM
26/11/03 01:21 PM
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 1,943
Misty (smoggy) Mountains
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The old Kiya avatar is back i like...and i would like to say that my female warrior used a broom as a weapon for a long time because it reminded me of the old western housewife chasing chickens around with one...vrey funny

Re: ! -->JOKES<-- ;P [Re: NeroJB] #130096
28/11/03 04:05 AM
28/11/03 04:05 AM
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 4,357
malaysia
janggut Offline
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hey kiya, does this mean u're not nutty anymore? i miss the nutty u, though it was more recent than the bow-to-me-mortals drow.

what i found in bioware forum & it's the list of english subtitles used in Hong Kong kungfu movies. maybe winterfox can verify these.

1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
2. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
3. Gun wounds again?
4. Same old rules...no eyes, no groin.
5. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
6. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!
7. Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.
8. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
9. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.
10. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.
11. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
12. You daring lousy guy.
13. Beat him out of recognizable shape!
14. I have been scared ***less too much lately.
15. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg hairs!
16. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
17. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
18. How can you use my intestines as a gift?
19. This will be of fine service for you, you bag of scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and leave them out on the dessert flour for your aunts to eat.
20. Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your gynecologist for a thorough extermination.
21. Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some *** of the giant lizard person.
22. I am about to choke you like a chicken!

Last edited by janggut; 28/11/03 04:21 AM.


......a gift from LaFille......
Re: ! -->JOKES<-- ;P [Re: janggut] #130097
28/11/03 05:17 AM
28/11/03 05:17 AM
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 5,016
Melbourne, Australia
HandEFood Offline
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That's great! I'm passing that one around!

JOKES: PART 2 [Re: HandEFood] #130098
28/11/03 12:37 PM
28/11/03 12:37 PM
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 64
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Propheet Offline OP
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Propheet  Offline OP
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Propheet's illfamous jokes, part 2

Yes folks, WE FINALLY DID IT!!! This is a *geniune* sneekpeek at what Riftrunner will offer as the spells are concerned!!! (read it, our major hackers worked tirelessly for weeks to get it, da%%mn guys from Larians jinxed the server, we lost our xp-crackers when internet firewall appeared to be something more than just a software obstacle...poor fellas... but we have it just below!!!, AND you don't have to join anywhere for free, WE PROMISE!!!)

-->WAY OF THE ECONOMIST<--
path: Alimental Powers

Meteor Strike - Casts your guild's will to heavens, to get no respond at all, then bring forth some meteors on strike, so that they picket and demonstrate for the raise.
level 1: upon protesting, each metor will do nothing until given a raise, or a promotion.
MANA COST: Never enough!

Alimental Strike - a coctail of alimental strikers and members of professional unions is hurled with petitions and ultimatums towards the boss, who is picketted, barricaded or voted against in parliament randomly.
MANA COST: More, more, more!!

path: Powers of summoning money

Vanish - Sends the money from your never paying boss directly into your wallet, where it(the bucks) should be.

transfer amounts of money(passive) - the vanishing money gets some of your abilities to form larger groups;)

Summon demonic accountant - summons an accountant of the demonic realm to help you in never ending battle with VAT, IVA, ICT and other income tax forms.
level 1: summon an honest dreadaccountant
level 2: summon money-wasting dreadaccountant
level 3: summon the professional in embezzlement and squandering
level 4: summon a dishonest dreadaccountant.

->a word from our sponsor:
"Sword Enlargement pills - visit www.largeandindestructiblesword.com to join for only 9,95$ a month!!! don' forget to prepare your CC, just to check that your honourable deeds are still remembered"


path: Powers of commodity and budget

Buck leech - drain the purchasing force from your opponent and add it to your own reserves

Shopkeepers sight - use the power of economy to cast your view in the ares your greedy hands have yet to tread.

Restoration - Send your purchasing energy coursig thru your reins to restore your accounts after a fiscal year.

Howling curse - cast ethereal bills and cheques at your opponents and watch as they lose their posessions.
level 1: target loses one mobility at random
level 2: target loses immobility at random
level 3: target's wife/husband leaves him/her because of lack of mobilities and immobilities to live on.
level 4: target loses in the court to his/her wife/husband and gets to pay horrifying alliments forever.

Aura of banking - a bright, smart bunch of bank clerks protect the caster from all forms of economical attacks.

Fade from town - a powerful and useful villa in Switzerland, hiding in which will leave your debt-owners bemused.
Level 1: when activated, money is consumed at 1000 bucks a day(netto).

->a word from our sponsor:
"Hottest pix of Duke Janus and Elona exposed coming to your email weekly! put your e-mail,telephone number and address, and pray, that this is not considered children pornography... visit www.janusXXXelona.com/marian/private/galleryxxx.html "


path: Powers of Marketing

Telekinesis - discover the power to manipulate workers and send memos at a distance.
level 1: objects must be within 3 cubicles from the caster.

Advert discs - three vicious "Divine Divinity" promo' CDs bristling with adverts and pop-up banners, spiral outwards of the caster striking the unexpecting potential purchasers within range.

Pollymorph - transform your opponent into a harmless customer ready for marketing.
level 1: target must have at least 25% economy resist, or be turned into an old lady who has just received her pension.

Limbs of lead - Once cast, the smart-guy customers, who try to sneak out of your marketing range, are slowed down, and offered T-shirts and other gadgets that generally come for free, and told- today there's a special 200% raise, it's a BARGAIN!

->a word from our sponsor:
"Sword Enlargement pills - visit www.largeandindestructiblesword.com to join for only 9,95$ a month!!! call us on 1-801-DA BIG SLASHER almost toll free!"


path: Powers too dreadful to mention*

*(not available in the demo version!)

Divinity help desk - Cast your opponent into the realm without a way back - "the Divinity Help Desk" universe, where not one of his/her questions will be answered, and his/her frustration will lead to a suicide or a genocide. Only works on morons and munchkins.

Summon The Bean - Summon a dreadful and powerful jester, who will cause the target die from laughter.
MANA COST: 10.000 (you have to cheat to get him into business)

The Guarding Secretary - Summon a powerful woman to call off your meetings, slow down the guests or block the incoming fiscal controls.

level 1: Summon a young attractive dummy(some extra bonuses INCLUDED!!!-never visit Magdalena again).
level 2: Summon a roaring 30's lady, that will spend a lot of time on her hygiene and questioning you about whether she is fat).
level 3: Summon a spinster (your computer might crash if you are operating Windows, the burocracy level is WAY too high for the FAT or NTFS file systems)

The Giant Kirills Flood - call to the netherlands and pray he will wake up to answer...otherwise, a giant flood will consume the land, causing havoc and destruction amongst your friends and foes.
tip: use empty honey jar to keep breathing.

->a word from our sponsor:
"Sword Enlargement pills - visit www.largeandindestructiblesword.com to join for only 9,95$ a month!!! press [ctrl]+[d] to self-destruct in five seconds - this is your last chance to get a BIGGER peni...I mean, SWORD!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
all avatars are property of their respectful owners;) no offence meant, the Bean, I hope? ;-)

Last edited by Propheet; 29/11/03 04:32 AM.

You will have a gun on you; but are not to use it under any circumstances- it's only to strengthen your authority. (EH)
Re: JOKES: [Re: Propheet] #130099
28/11/03 04:07 PM
28/11/03 04:07 PM
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 6,899
Somewhere between Here, ..and ...
Jurak Offline
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Jurak  Offline
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Somewhere between Here, ..and ...
Once upon a time in Singapore, there lived a happy couple,
Mr. & Mrs. Ng with their 3 lovely daughters; Elaine, Ena & Ella.
The 3 daughters were brought up in a prim-and-proper way and
When they reached 20, they were still virgins. Years passed, and it
was Time to get them married.
So, the parents found them the most suitable "leng chais"
(handsome guys).
They got married and were preparing to set-off on their honeymoon.
As 'concerned' parents, Mr.& Mrs. Ng were curious about
their daughters' first-night experience. So, before the
daughters went on their respective honeymoons, Mrs. Ng told
them......" Your father and I want to know about your 1st night encounters
and whether you are satisfied.
Write a letter to us, but as not to raise your husbands'
curiosity...you all must use a code-name to describe your experiences".
So, the excited daughters were off.
A week passed. Mr. & Mrs. Ng got the first letter. It was from
Elaine. They opened the letter and found the word "STANDARD
CHARTERED."
They immediately took the newspaper and looked for the
Standard Chartered advertisement.
"Ah! here it is!", exclaimed Mr. Ng. The motto for Standard
Chartered was.... "BIG, STRONG & FRIENDLY"
Mr & Mrs. Ng were happy.
A week later, they got another letter. This time it was
from Ena. The content was simple. "NESCAFE". So, again they took the
newspaper and looked for the Nescafe ad. "Ah! here it is. 'NESCAFE:
PLEASURE TILL THE LAST DROP". Mr. & Mrs. Ng jumped in joy.
Another week passed. A month passed. And another. There
was still no letter from Ella. The Ngs became worried.
Finally, the letter came. It was scribbled and could
hardly be read, but Mrs. Ng managed to figure it out. The code-name
was "SINGAPORE AIRLINES".
Why Singapore Airlines? Mr.Ng rushed
to the nearest store and got a newspaper. He flipped the pages
frantically. "Ah! Here it is!"
Mrs. Ng grabbed the page and read aloud.
Before she could finish ...THUMP!!!...she fell off her
chair.
The motto was ..."7 TIMES A WEEK. 4 TO 6 TIMES A DAY. NON-STOP".







[color:"#33cc3"]Jurak'sRunDownShack!
Third Member of Off-Topic Posters
Defender of the [color:"green"]PIF.
[/color] Das Grosse Grüne Ogre!!! [/color]
Re: JOKES: PART 2 [Re: Propheet] #130100
28/11/03 08:21 PM
28/11/03 08:21 PM
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 19,669
Rogue Squadron
A
AlrikFassbauer Offline
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Rogue Squadron
Brilliant work of satyre !


When you find a big kettle of crazy, it's best not to stir it.
--Dilbert cartoon

"Interplay�.some zombiefied unlife thing going on there" - skavenhorde at RPGWatch
Re: JOKES: PART 2 [Re: AlrikFassbauer] #130101
28/11/03 09:24 PM
28/11/03 09:24 PM
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 64
Halfway to Heaven
Propheet Offline OP
journeyman
Propheet  Offline OP
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Halfway to Heaven
ehem, ehem....Did you mean my jokes, or the other peoples, or just a general comment??/
And how come all those generally fun-loving never-ceasing-to-jest people who visited this thread around 100 times by now don't comment, or post any of their own???
COME ON!!!
The fun-site of life (the fansite of life?) should always be promoted!!!!
Best regs, still hanging on that rope - Propheet


You will have a gun on you; but are not to use it under any circumstances- it's only to strengthen your authority. (EH)
Re: JOKES: PART 2 [Re: Propheet] #130102
29/11/03 04:14 AM
29/11/03 04:14 AM
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Mandrake Offline
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*Warning: Mature audiences only (Which means noone here will read it)*






For the third day running, Mr Benson has rung his boss and said he wont be in for work because he is very sick. His boss is getting a little worried and since Benson lives near him he decides to check on how he is doing on the way home. He goes to knock on the door and is surprised to find it is open, curious he enters and hears noises from the bedroom. Pushing open the door he sees Benson going hammer and tongs with a naked woman. There are sex toys and condoms strewn about and its obvious these two have been at it for some time. The boss is understandably furious and screams "BENSON! I THOUGHT YOU WERE VERY SICK!" to which he replies "I am, she's my mom!".

Ok! You can all draw and quarter me for that one




I will call you "Squishy", and you will be my squishy! OW! BAD SQUISHY! - Dory, Finding Nemo
Re: JOKES: PART 2 [Re: Mandrake] #130103
29/11/03 04:19 AM
29/11/03 04:19 AM
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 64
Halfway to Heaven
Propheet Offline OP
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nice try... LOL
but next time try to make it somehow Div or RR linked...;)


You will have a gun on you; but are not to use it under any circumstances- it's only to strengthen your authority. (EH)
Re: JOKES: PART 2 [Re: Propheet] #130104
29/11/03 09:39 AM
29/11/03 09:39 AM
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 5,911
Exeter, Capital City of devons...
spick Offline
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Exeter, Capital City of devons...
I see Sopie Ellis-Bexter has been found dead in a Parisean hotel, which was being used by the French national football team, yes, it was "Murder on Zidane's floor".


Drink Up Ye Cider.
Re: JOKES: PART 2 [Re: spick] #130105
29/11/03 04:10 PM
29/11/03 04:10 PM
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 64
Halfway to Heaven
Propheet Offline OP
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Propheet  Offline OP
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And what does that suppose to mean?? huh???!!!
LOL?!



You will have a gun on you; but are not to use it under any circumstances- it's only to strengthen your authority. (EH)
Re: JOKES: PART 2 [Re: Propheet] #130106
29/11/03 05:57 PM
29/11/03 05:57 PM
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 3,295
brokeTM
Draghermosran Offline

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WARNING MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY, NO HATE INTEDED JUST FUN

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A homo couple is having diner at a restaurant, suddenly Rick, the male in the couple says: "John, I have a pain in my anus, can you see if you can feel something?" they go to the restroom and rick unbuttons his pants. John, kneels and put his finger in Rick's anus, "Can't feel anything" he says. "Go deeper" says Rick. So John puts in his hand and sais: "still nothing". "even deeper" replies Rick. Now John puts whole his arm in Rick's anus, "i got something" ... "it's an golden watch???"

"HAPPY ANNAVERSARY!!" yells Rick.





It's one of these days...
Re: JOKES: PART 2 [Re: Draghermosran] #130107
29/11/03 09:24 PM
29/11/03 09:24 PM
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Australia
Mandrake Offline
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Hehe! That was awful! :P

*More warning type stuff*







Q: Two gay couples are living in a block of flats. A pair of men, and a pair of women. When the landlord finds out he kicks them all out. Who gets out first?

A: The gay men, their sh*ts already packed

Q: What do you never say in a gay bar?
A: May I push in your stool?



This has lots to do with DD and RR. Im still thinking of a reason. Get back to me.








I will call you "Squishy", and you will be my squishy! OW! BAD SQUISHY! - Dory, Finding Nemo
Re: JOKES: PART 2 [Re: Mandrake] #130108
29/11/03 09:43 PM
29/11/03 09:43 PM
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 5,911
Exeter, Capital City of devons...
spick Offline
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I like them 2 mandrake...a finger of fudge is just enough


Drink Up Ye Cider.
Re: JOKES: PART 2 [Re: spick] #130109
29/11/03 11:44 PM
29/11/03 11:44 PM
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 907
Interpreting Divine Will ; )
Mslynx Offline
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Interpreting Divine Will ; )
I actually knew a guy who packed chocolate fudge for a living! He could never tell people what exactly his job was!


Step away from your senses! Your senses blind you!
Gaming In The Divine

Re: JOKES: PART 2 [Re: Mslynx] #130110
29/11/03 11:54 PM
29/11/03 11:54 PM
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Australia
Mandrake Offline
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Hehe! He was the cop in the Village People wasnt he?






I will call you "Squishy", and you will be my squishy! OW! BAD SQUISHY! - Dory, Finding Nemo
Re: JOKES: PART 2 [Re: Mandrake] #130111
30/11/03 03:01 AM
30/11/03 03:01 AM
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 3,295
brokeTM
Draghermosran Offline

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heres a classic from my childhood:

Have you heard Jan's toilet joke yet?


It's one of these days...
Re: JOKES: PART 2 [Re: Draghermosran] #130112
30/11/03 05:45 AM
30/11/03 05:45 AM
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Mandrake Offline
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Is that the joke? (In which case I dont get it)

Or a we supposed to say "no"




I will call you "Squishy", and you will be my squishy! OW! BAD SQUISHY! - Dory, Finding Nemo
Re: JOKES: PART 2 [Re: Mandrake] #130113
30/11/03 09:00 AM
30/11/03 09:00 AM
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 5,911
Exeter, Capital City of devons...
spick Offline
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I'm with you on that one Mandrake, did he forget to write it??


Drink Up Ye Cider.
Re: JOKES: PART 2 [Re: spick] #130114
30/11/03 01:04 PM
30/11/03 01:04 PM
Joined: Mar 2003
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brokeTM
Draghermosran Offline

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yeah you're supposed to say "no"


It's one of these days...
Re: JOKES: PART 2 [Re: Draghermosran] #130115
30/11/03 03:20 PM
30/11/03 03:20 PM
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Mandrake Offline
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Hehe! Ok! "NO". Is there more to this joke?




I will call you "Squishy", and you will be my squishy! OW! BAD SQUISHY! - Dory, Finding Nemo
Re: JOKES: PART 2 [Re: Mandrake] #130116
02/12/03 11:56 AM
02/12/03 11:56 AM
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 64
Halfway to Heaven
Propheet Offline OP
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Propheet  Offline OP
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eeeer....I think we're getting here... You might or might not have noticed, but(for those chocolate packers and gay-joke lovers) this thread is designed for DIVINITY JOKES. Please refer to page one of this thread, and try to follow the general idea....Is this so much to ask??? Or do you people only know this fat outdated jerk-off* jokes?
no truly big offence meant (I just wanted to offend you slightly)
regs, PROPHEET

PS. Kiya! Your nice and soft humour would be much appreciated here... I saw some of yours at TDHd, why don't you post something but not !@#$%^^ vulgar!?

PPS. The third part of DA JOKES is coming along in a week. It conatins all of the dialogues with NPCs that are (the dialogues, I mean) well, a teensie weensie bit unusual.
-----------------------------
*this word is [no can do] ...




You will have a gun on you; but are not to use it under any circumstances- it's only to strengthen your authority. (EH)
Re: JOKES: PART 2 [Re: Propheet] #130117
06/12/03 08:23 PM
06/12/03 08:23 PM
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 5,911
Exeter, Capital City of devons...
spick Offline
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Exeter, Capital City of devons...
Ooops a daisy


Drink Up Ye Cider.
Re: JOKES: PART 2 [Re: spick] #130118
03/01/04 01:01 AM
03/01/04 01:01 AM
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 64
Halfway to Heaven
Propheet Offline OP
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Propheet  Offline OP
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Due to unfortunate circumstances beyond my will and immunity system I had to step out from the posting; now, after a monthly struggle for health I am back... Thanks to one nice person here, I now have the Morpheus font, to fulfill the promise I gave a long time ago- to make the tweaked dialogues from DD. I am truly sorry, especially, that now this thread moved from the first page, so not everyone remembers that jokes on DD have their thread already;) (meaning the new thread "Did we do jokes already? in chat:anything)
Regs, Propheet®


You will have a gun on you; but are not to use it under any circumstances- it's only to strengthen your authority. (EH)
Re: JOKES: PART 2 [Re: Propheet] #130119
03/01/04 04:18 AM
03/01/04 04:18 AM
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 6,899
Somewhere between Here, ..and ...
Jurak Offline
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Somewhere between Here, ..and ...
ummm, .... ....oh uh, ... no, that's not it...


[color:"#33cc3"]Jurak'sRunDownShack!
Third Member of Off-Topic Posters
Defender of the [color:"green"]PIF.
[/color] Das Grosse Grüne Ogre!!! [/color]
Re: JOKES: PART 2 [Re: Draghermosran] #474312
02/10/13 12:05 PM
02/10/13 12:05 PM
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 1,097
Franken
Anthea Offline
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Franken
American journalism 101

First lesson, only use the facts. However you can word tham as you please to make a story.

Example:

Yesterday Meg and I was playing around, her ring bumped me on the skull (sounded wild wink )
I also went to the store, on the way back I saw a police car and waved. He didn't see me though.
Finally the cat was on my lap and slipped, leaving a little scratch on my leg.

Now these do not sound like a story, however using only the facts and arranging them however we want (just like the big news sites), we end up with this.

Yesterday Meg attacked her husband and hit him with her ring. He now has a 2 inch scratch. The police would not respond.

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