Larian Studios Forums General Chat ! -->JOKES<-- ;P

*Warning: Mature audiences only (Which means noone here will read it)*






For the third day running, Mr Benson has rung his boss and said he wont be in for work because he is very sick. His boss is getting a little worried and since Benson lives near him he decides to check on how he is doing on the way home. He goes to knock on the door and is surprised to find it is open, curious he enters and hears noises from the bedroom. Pushing open the door he sees Benson going hammer and tongs with a naked woman. There are sex toys and condoms strewn about and its obvious these two have been at it for some time. The boss is understandably furious and screams "BENSON! I THOUGHT YOU WERE VERY SICK!" to which he replies "I am, she's my mom!".

Ok! You can all draw and quarter me for that one <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kitty.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/alien.gif" alt="" />nice try... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> LOL
but next time try to make it somehow Div or RR linked...;)

I see Sopie Ellis-Bexter has been found dead in a Parisean hotel, which was being used by the French national football team, yes, it was "Murder on Zidane's floor". <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ouch.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/alien.gif" alt="" />And what does that suppose to mean?? huh???!!!
LOL?!

WARNING MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY, NO HATE INTEDED JUST FUN

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[color:"#9999CC"] A homo couple is having diner at a restaurant, suddenly Rick, the male in the couple says: "John, I have a pain in my anus, can you see if you can feel something?" they go to the restroom and rick unbuttons his pants. John, kneels and put his finger in Rick's anus, "Can't feel anything" he says. "Go deeper" says Rick. So John puts in his hand and sais: "still nothing". "even deeper" replies Rick. Now John puts whole his arm in Rick's anus, "i got something" ... "it's an golden watch???"

"HAPPY ANNAVERSARY!!" yells Rick.

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />
[/color]

Hehe! That was awful! :P

*More warning type stuff*







Q: Two gay couples are living in a block of flats. A pair of men, and a pair of women. When the landlord finds out he kicks them all out. Who gets out first?

A: The gay men, their sh*ts already packed

Q: What do you never say in a gay bar?
A: May I push in your stool?



This has lots to do with DD and RR. Im still thinking of a reason. Get back to me.

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kitty.gif" alt="" />

I like them 2 mandrake...a finger of fudge is just enough <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />

I actually knew a guy who packed chocolate fudge for a living! He could never tell people what exactly his job was!

Hehe! He was the cop in the Village People wasnt he?

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kitty.gif" alt="" />

heres a classic from my childhood:

Have you heard Jan's toilet joke yet?

Is that the joke? (In which case I dont get it)

Or a we supposed to say "no"

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kitty.gif" alt="" />

I'm with you on that one Mandrake, did he forget to write it??

yeah you're supposed to say "no"

Hehe! Ok! "NO". Is there more to this joke? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kitty.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/alien.gif" alt="" /> eeeer....I think we're getting <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/offtopic.gif" alt="" /> here... You might or might not have noticed, but(for those chocolate packers and gay-joke lovers) this thread is designed for DIVINITY JOKES. Please refer to page one of this thread, and try to follow the general idea....Is this so much to ask??? Or do you people only know this fat outdated jerk-off* jokes?
no truly big offence meant (I just wanted to offend you slightly)
regs, PROPHEET

PS. Kiya! Your nice and soft humour would be much appreciated here... I saw some of yours at TDHd, why don't you post something <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/stupid.gif" alt="" /> but not !@#$%^^ vulgar!?

PPS. The third part of DA JOKES is coming along in a week. It conatins all of the dialogues with NPCs that are (the dialogues, I mean) well, a teensie weensie bit unusual.
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*this word is [no can do] ...

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/suspicion.gif" alt="" /> Ooops a daisy <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cry.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/alien.gif" alt="" /> Due to unfortunate circumstances beyond my will and immunity system I had to step out from the posting; now, after a monthly struggle for health I am back... Thanks to one nice person here, I now have the Morpheus font, to fulfill the promise I gave a long time ago- to make the tweaked dialogues from DD. I am truly sorry, especially, that now this thread moved from the first page, so not everyone remembers that jokes on DD have their thread already;) (meaning the new thread "Did we do jokes already? in chat:anything) <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />
Regs, Propheet®

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" /> ummm, .... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ouch.gif" alt="" /> ....oh uh, ... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shhh.gif" alt="" /> no, that's not it...

American journalism 101

First lesson, only use the facts. However you can word tham as you please to make a story.

Example:

Yesterday Meg and I was playing around, her ring bumped me on the skull (sounded wild )
I also went to the store, on the way back I saw a police car and waved. He didn't see me though.
Finally the cat was on my lap and slipped, leaving a little scratch on my leg.

Now these do not sound like a story, however using only the facts and arranging them however we want (just like the big news sites), we end up with this.

Yesterday Meg attacked her husband and hit him with her ring. He now has a 2 inch scratch. The police would not respond.