[color:"orange"]Ok, this is a completely different topic.... and i want posts from both male and female....

The idea is to take a situation / feeling, and write 3 things that you look for that will deepen your love / trust in your partner.... only the positive things you look for.

I am hoping that this topic will NOT become X-rated, since that will only mean it gets deleted. I am not aiming to go anywhere close to bedroom doors with this.... only to take general everyday / common event feelings or situations and give 3 things thatyour partner can do that will make it more positive for you.

Here goes a couple of examples.... [/color]

When I want to be hugged, I feel for your reluctance to let go, for the tenderness in your embrace, for your need to keep me near…

When I am sick or feeling down, I search for the caring touch, for the concern in your voice, for your desire to make me feel secure.

When I watch you laugh, I look for the smile in your eyes, the sharing body language, the happiness because I am there to share in your joy.

When times are tough, I yearn for the confirmation that we will stand together, the hope that somehow WE will get through, the knowledge that every dark cloud has a silver lining.

What I want is...

to see the love for me in your eyes,
to know the warmth of your love in your touch,
to feel the Shekinah’s presence in our embrace.


Kyra_Ny

When i want to be with you (amongst a group of your friends), i long for you to want me there, for you to be proud of who i am, different or not, for you to understand who i am and why.....

When i have my own opinions about something (whether you agree or not), i want you to accept my opinion, to listen to and try to understand my reasoning for having that opinion, whether you agree or not, to allow me to build myself based on my opinions and believes...

(this is a little more of a complex one... but whether i believe that i dont drink coca-cola (example) for a certain reason, i want you to allow me my beliefs, to accept them, and to at least understand WHY... you dont have to agree.... you just have to give me the freedom to find my OWN beliefs, my opinions about SMALL things is what defines me.... if you try to change me, i will never be happy, i will never blossom like i should....... Its the same as accepting that a rose has a thorn.... like it or not... you understand that it is aimed at protection, whether the danger of deer exists in your garden or not...... )

[color:"orange"] Can't really help the thread here haven't found that person yet :s

But what I would want hm lemme think.
[/color]

I want your face to stay, burned on my retina and not fading away, I want my smile to be the puppet of yours.
I want me to miss you when you just leave the room but the feeling of your presence, how far you may be, to bring me to inner rest. but your physical presence should fire me up inside. I want the morning to shut us up and tell us to finally go to sleep.

well It's an attempt.

It was brilliantly said <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

When i feel insecure in my beliefs, i want friends who can assure me that my beliefs are based on a solid foundation, i want friends who keep me from straying, i want friends who make me feel like i am a friend....

You are all those friends, you are the ones that keep me going straight.

When i am tired, i want a an supporting arm, a soothing caress and a quiet goodnight wish.

When i wake up, i need to see the sunshine in your eyes, feel the breeze in your whisper and hear the birds' song in your kisses. (I feel that this is of utmost importance, since the first emotions you have when you wake, becomes either the light that drives the nightmates away, or becomes the nightmares).

When you feel lonely, i want to be the your companion, i want to be your smile, i want to be your friend.

When you feel upset, i want to be the one to run you a soothing bath, the one to light the candles and play the soft music, i want to be the one to massage the worries out of your thoughts.

flash me a smile, call me by my name & give a warm greeting.

& i'll be happy the whole week.

honest! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

.... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" /> now it won't be fair to keep asking & asking without giving ....

when i twitch my eyebrow at u, i'm giving a secret smile.
when i poke at your side while having a serious conversation with someone else, know that u're on the fore of my thought.
when i am being very very silly in front of u & only u, know that i am in my most vulnerable & i trust u with it.
when i lay my emotions in front of u, know that it's like handing u a sword with the point pricking my heart. be careful with it.

... come to think of it, i never told anyone things like these. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shhh.gif" alt="" />

me neither....... good ones tho! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

When i have a busy day, i want an offering to help (i'll probably decline, but i still want you to offer), i want to be able to share the weight of my burden, and i want to hear that its not too far to the end...

When i do something wrong, i want you to be angry, i want you to be firm , but i still want your forgiveness.

When i am falling into depression , i need you to be my cloud, so i dont fall too far, i need you NOT to be scared away by a sad face, but instead to embrace me, for only by offering comfort, can i get better..

(no i am not depressed.... but if i get depressed, that is what i need)

When i strugle to get something right, i want suggestions like "why dont you try this / /that" or "dont you think this/that might work", not "Do this" and "Do that", I want advice but not commands... and when i finally get it right, i want the credit to be mine.... i will share it with you regardless....

I want to find you my true love.(it`s valid? Even if it is the true) <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/question.gif" alt="" />

you guys are goofy you know that <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />







<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

I see a future of self centeredness leading to and early divorce here.
I see a person who cares about no one else but themselves here.
I see a person here who has no clue as to what true love is.

Lastly I see an individual who has taken something beautiful here and defiled it with their own personal ugliness.

I'm sorry Lady_Rain that Virgo_Bluefire has defiled such a beautiful thread.


Fafnir

Virgo is just joking !
Look at the smilies.

Barta

To Barta:

I understand Barta, but to me True Love is as Sacred as the most Holy thing one holds dearest to their heart.
Maybe if less people would make light of it, more people would come to realize what True Love really is.


Fafnir

You have to know what you wish for to get what you whant... Mikael Wiehe.

I miss you
But I haven't met you yet
So special
But it hasn't happened yet
You are gorgeous
But I haven't met you yet
I remember
But it hasn't happened yet

And if you believe in dreams
Or what is more important
That a dream can come true
I will meet you

I was peaking
But it hasn't happened yet
I haven't been giving
My best souvenir
I miss you
But I haven't met you yet
I know your habits
But wouldn't recognize you yet

And if you believe in dreams
Or what is more important
That a dream can come true
I miss you

I get so impatient
I can't stand the wait
When will I get my cuddle
Who are you?
I know by now that you'll arrive
By the time I stop waiting

I miss you

Übereil

PS I have no idea what I whant in life. Exept happiness. But since I don't know what happiness is, I don't know what to look for, so searching is pretty useless... DS

Sadly, true love is an endangered species.... people CAN make fun of it, in the same light that we can make fun of a dinosaur... we have never known, seen, or experience the true magnificence of it...

I did not take offence... i KNOW i am not normal... i dont want to be.... you see....

"I dont suffer from insanity....... <span class='standouttext'>Spoiler : </span><span class='spoiler'> I Enjoy every single MOMENT of it!!!!!!</span>

But in my search to understand what i am to do with the love i have, i need to know what other people need.. this is what this thread is about... knowing what i am supposed to do...

When i do things to spoil you, i want to watch the surprise in your expression, hear the thanks in your voice, feel the appreciation in your touch.

Love= chemistry.

When you see someone you love, a substance (don't know the name, but it's simillar to amphetamine) is released in your brain. That is what you feel. BUT! This substance will only be effective for 1,5 to four years! So, you can only be in love (in Sweden we have two words, where one is love and the other is being in love) with a person for four years (max). BUT AGAIN! Another substance will in time start to be released (this one is similar to morfin), so in time you can start to love the person. But you're not in love with him any longer. If you whant that you'l have to find a new partner.

So really, all you loving persons, you're all a bunch of JUNKIES!!! ( <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" />)

But on the other hand, who cares anywhay?

Jag såg dig komma på en strand, (I saw you comeing over a beach)
jag såg dig sträcka ut din hand. (I saw you reach out your hand)
Du tog mig i din famn (you took me in your arms)
och plågorna försvann. (and the pain disappearred)
Vad bryr jag mig om varför det är så (what do I care about why it's like that?)

Übereil

One aspect of true love is two people coming together as one.
Not one of the two working at the relationship whereas the other doesn’t.
It takes a cohesive effort from both sides.

True Love is not like a Fairy Tale book.
It takes a lot of hard work from both sides.
Look to your lover’s strengths and not their short comings.
That is unless they are abusive or something.
Then you need to get out quick.
That goes for mental abuse as well.

Accept your lover for who they are and accept the fact that you are not going to change them.
If they change it will be of their own accord not that of the lover.

Sometimes one walks into a relationship not seeing the whole of the individual they met.
Ask yourself after seeing the whole, can I live with this for the rest of my life; because, you will be. Both sides always bring in their own baggage (problems).
If you cannot then run and I mean run.
There will be great hurt because of the loss, but better to hurt for a few months, than hurt for the rest of your life staying with someone you slowly grow to despise.

True Love is not ooey-gooey romance each and every day of ones life together.
Is sharing finances ooey-gooey?
Is doing the laundry ooey-gooey?
No, they are not, but they are things two people share and they are a part of the whole.

True Love is doing things with your lover even though those things might be the most boring thing in the world to you and you do them without complaint.
Remember, you both have different likes and dislikes.

These are, but a fraction of things.

I realize this isn’t exactly how you want these words expressed, but I lack the talent of word placement which adds beauty to things said.


Fafnir <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Everything posted above is all part of True Love too, but those things should come out of want and desire for one another.
They shouldn’t need to be forced.
If we had these things all of the time constantly then we wouldn’t appreciate them as much as we do.
Like those of us who can see.
How often do we really appreciate our eyes?
That’s why True Love is so special to us.

I humbly admit I don’t have all of the answers and I am not Mr. Perfect,
I am only sharing what I have learned in 15 years of marriage.
And I am still married today to my beloved,
whom I love with all of my heart.


Fafnir <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I like to quote the lyrics of "Nerdy" by Poison The Well

Why do your eyes paralyze me
What makes me feel this way
Just carry me away with silence and heartbeats
As rapid thinking about your embrace
and how it makes me feel
I just want to feel this way forever
Sleep on portraits painted as perfect as you
Why have I been given the chance to fly
When I'm not with you I feel lesser alone
I remember your face / imprinted on angels
Your voice as beautiful / as the sounds of waves
crashing against my heart
Time slows down when you look at me
I'm infatuated with this / infatuated with you
It's so hard for me to understand why
I hadn't found you before don't dull away
hold my hand

I do agree that true love is hard work....

I also believe that the recipe (shortened version) is 2 people trying to be the person of the other one's dreams.

and i agree with the part where you said, if you cant live with the person forever, RUN.... unfortunately its not always that easy to run... often you only see the full person after a long time... by then you may be fairly dependent in that relationship..... but i do agree....

I think in that situation, you do "nothing" (not visibly at least), but without drawing attention to what you are really doing, you work on becomming independent, and keep your focus at the end of the tunnel

I agree that all the things we said previously here, are things that you do because you love the other person....

Even when you love your partner dearly, you dont always know how to react to their needs and emotions.... and that is why i started this.... in an attempt to find out.... and also in an attempt to make someone else understand... If 1 person can make his/her partner smile because of this thread, then i will also smile.

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/freak.gif" alt="" />

When we walk in a crowd, i want to hold hands, or have our arms around each other, i want us to look at the people and feel lucky to have each other, i want us to smile when we see a sign of a hardship that we have been through, because we have survived it.

When we talk, i want us to talk about the small things, the big things, i want us to share our feelings, not only about each other, but also about others, to tell each other of the people we have met, how we reacted to them, what we felt for them (even if its more than it should be, because this builds trust)... I want us to learn something new about each other every day...

No comments on my previous post?

About running if you don't feel you can spend the rest of your life with your current partner:

Isn't that pretty obvious?

Übereil

Ubs you r previous post is true to your style... very informative.... and very true <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

No its not always obvious... when you love, you always thinks its just another obstacle... you will get over it.... or it will change....

sad news, it doesnt <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/disagree.gif" alt="" />

and currently all i can think that i want is....

for this [SENSORED] [SENSORED] [SENSORED] [SENSORED] [SENSORED] [SENSORED] [SENSORED] Cramp to go away <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/memad.gif" alt="" />

(now who wished that one on me????????? )

But on the other hand, since your love will end in four years (max) you won't love him/her forever, and since you know this you don't make any lifelong decisions before that.

And this guy Cramp... Is he your boyfriend? Then if you feel that way about him, have you ever considerred leaving him?

Übereil

PS It's nice to be young and healthy, isn't it? DS

Yep but you still have no girlfriend. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

So you can expect a lot more than 4 years. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/badsmile2.gif" alt="" />

Barta

With who?

Übereil

Ask to spick he knows. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/XmasEek.gif" alt="" />

Barta

Nope this cramp is thank heavens not guy related....
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" /> I and yes its nice to be young and healthy.... (if you dont count the 5 days of agony every 8 months or so.....)

and about the 4 years , i said LOVE not IN-Love.... so thats after teh 4 year timespan.... thats normally also when they show their true colours....

http://www.huna.org/html/aspirit.html

I want someone who appreciates what I give, and who's offers I can appreciate.

Someone who is a friend, who I can talk with and have a two-way conversation about interesting topics.

Someone who realises what is happening in their life and can understand what problems are there and can deal with them, or ask for assistance, before they get out of control.

I want friends who can go on a goose chase with me and not think it is silly, i want friends who can laugh WITH me, i want friends like you.....

to Fafnir & Kyra, Lady Rain & her man Cramp(?) -> i hope to have such beautiful experience of love just as what u have. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/xmassmiley.gif" alt="" />

but for now i am in contentment with myself. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />

Cramp is not a man, or even a person....it's just a cramp....... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

Communication is the key.....as long as we are all on the same wavelength..... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/XmasJump.gif" alt="" />

hmmmm that would explain a LOT of things about my other half...... his left antenna is BROKEN!!!!!!!

(he is deaf in one ear) <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" />

Sweet Sweet by Smashing Pumpkins

Sweet sweet sweet sweet little agony
I don't know just where you've been
But I'll take take take
All that you have for me
In sin
Where are we going?

And they all want you to change
And they all want you to change

And the sad sad sad
All the sad faces drown
In this town
Where are we going?

And they all want you to change
Where are we going?
And they all want you to change
Where are we going?

Übereil

PS Being on the same whavelenght is one of the key things of getting along (I think) DS

Yes and a little more...

It is always better to ask for what was really meant when something is said, than to jump to conclusions.
We each have had different life experiences growing up and what holds one meaning to us may hold a totally different meaning to our love.

In other words we may interpret our love being flippant to us when they were really being kind and loving to us.


Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/xmassmiley.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

very very well said <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
When i get home, i feel great when i see you happy about my return, i feel special when you smile at me, i feel loved when i get a hug.

When I wake-up my heart melts; because, every morning
you leave a love note, telling me how much you love me. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kissyou.gif" alt="" />


Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Interesting, so many things to say about true love, so many experiences.

I would like to tell you to something about, but i still don't had this chance yet. But i believe this moment will come, like came for many of you here.


I took about 25min to write just that, cause i thinked too much about many things and about everything what all of you wrote here before.

I want you to bring my a box of tissues when i cry, give me a hug when i smile, and give me meaning for my life.

I want to see that sparkle in your eyes never die when you look at me even into our elder years.


Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

thats a nice wish.... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

I agree <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I want to be your cup of coffee when you are tired, your pillow when you sleep, i want to be the corner stone of your support.

(this is a reversed wish, but i think it illustrated the way people should compliment each other, to take care of your partners needs, to be his/her strength, because in that lies true love, the love that makes you unbreakable.)

I feel special when you call me near, appreciated when you smile, loved when keep me company while i am working.

(and right now i think what i want most, is for this puzzle to just fall into place - i am halfway with a 4000 piece puzzle, and have 2 more puzzles to build.... since i have to get them framed before feb)

Ok, after reading all of this I will give it a try,but don't make fun of it.

I want to be your umbrella when it's raining
I want to be your blanket when it's cold
I want to be your towell when your wet
I want to be your water when you 're thirsty
I want to be your bread when your hungry
I want your hand to hold on me...
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wave.gif" alt="" />

Its lovely <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

When you are sleeping, i want to be the sunshine in your dreams, i want to be the wall of your defences, but i want you to be the tower that hold me firm.

Please allow me to make the wish in my own way. Do not get me wrong ok? You know me after all...

Ava Adore - Smashing Pumpkins

It's you that I adore
you'll always be my ***
you'll be a mother to my child
and child to my heart

We must never be apart
we must never be apart
lovely girl you're the beauty in my world
without you there aren't reasons left to fight

And I'll pull your crooked teeth
you'll be perfect just like me
you'll be a lover in my bed
and a gun to my head

We must never be apart
we must never be apart
lovely girl you're the murder in my world
dressing coffings for the souls I've left to die

Drinking mercury to the mystery
of all that you should ever seek to find...in time

In you I see dirty
in you I count stars
in you I feel so pretty
in you I taste god
in you I feel so hungry
in you I crash cars

We must never be apart

Drinking mercury to the mystery
of all that you should ever seek to find
lovely girl you're the murder in my world
dressing coffings for the souls I've left behind... in time

We must never be apart

You'll always be my ***
Cause you're the one that I adore
And I'll pull your crooked teeth
You'll be perfect just like me

In you I feel so dirty
In you I crash cars
In you I feel so pretty
In you I taste God...God...uh-huh uh-huh

We must never be apart

@ Luc -> it's lovely, so don't u worry. each person is entitled to their vision of love. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

@ galadriel -> same to u too, so no need to feel shame. to some it may be cheesy but to the right person, he may just melt when u say it to him. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" /> it's love!

@ shyon -> it'll come, dear friend, it'll come. love's a funny thing. it'll come when u least expect it. so hold on. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

@ jurak -> come on, orc chief, u must've a lot of XP on love so please be Dr Love & help us young ones. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" /> we sure need your expert help & opinion. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

ok, another lyric, which is so lovey dovey! *always feel sad listening to it though it sounds very cheery*

Being Around by Lemonheads

If I was in the fridge, would you open the door?
If I was the grass, would you mow your lawn?
If I was your body, would you still wear clothes?
If I was a booger, would you blow your nose?
Would you keep it? would you eat it?
I’m just tryin to give myself a reason, for being around.

If I was the front porch swing would you let me hang?
If I was the dance floor would you shake your thing?
If I was a rubber check would you let me bounce
Up and down inside your bank account?
Would ya trust me, not to break you?
I’m just tryin really hard to make you,
Notice me being around.

If I was a haircut would you wear a hat?
If I was a maid, could I clean your flat?
If I was the carpet would ya wipe your feet,
In time to save me from mud off the street?
If you like me, if you love me,
Why don’t you get down on your knees
And scrub me?
I’m a little grubby
From being around.

I love the lyrics <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

The lyric i am posting now, has nothing to do with my name... but my name led me to find it <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> once i found it, it never left.... Its not exactly about love, but rahter about the longing for it.... a longing i think a lot of people experince, even those in long term relationships and mariages. Its only the lucky FEW that find everything they have been searching for....

[color:"orange"]There were times when the sky would bring me nothing
Except the smell of the rain at summertime
So I left my window open just to let you come inside
Saying that you'd never leave me was a lie

Well there were times that my eyes were filled with water
But all the world was desert dry
So I hugged my pillow closer and I tried to close my eyes
But the sound of distant thunder made me cry.....

Lady Rain,I hear you at my window
Lady Rain,I need you softly falling on my face
Why did the sunshine come and take you away?
I'd wait for you again, my Lady Rain.....

I hear the sound of her breathing in the darkness
An autumn rain can turn to snow in the night
I'll be sleeping this September, but I'll leave the fire light
Just in case you feel like coming 'round again

Lady Rain,I hear you at my window
Lady Rain,I need you softly falling on my face
Why did the sunshine come and take you away?
I'd wait for you again, my Lady Rain.....

And late at night, when you pour down on me
You're just in time to wash all the tears away....
[/color]

What I want is for you to be exclusive to me, Your Heart, Mind, Body, and Soul.
I don’t mind you having other girls or guys as friends.
Just as long as you always stay faithful and true to me.


Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

Life is like a game of diplomacy (i think the chinese have a similar game called "go" IIRC). You fight your various battles , make your alies, break your alies, tell the truth, tell lies, support people, backstab people, build trust, break trust.... you do all these things DAILY for personal gain.....

Now i need you to re-define the rules of this game, because love puts me above all this, love changes the personal gain into shared gain, love changes demands into compromises, love changes ME, into US.

Changing your way of life, doesnt just mean the things that you do... it means changing the way that you think. It means re-defining your OWN rules, the rules that you make for yourself and keep to, even when no one will know when you break them. It means setting a level of honor for yourself, a code of conduct that you keep yourself to... It means a level of truth far higher than what can be proven... IT means re-defining yourself.

How many of us have re-defined ourselves for the ones we love? Or are we just keeping to the new rules as far as others can see....

(Note: Diplomacy is a game of "conquering the world" you have various aspects in each coutry you rule... finances, diplomacy, military, economy, industry, technology etc.... the goal is to take over the other countries, but while you may be winning in one front (e.g military) you may be losing at another (economy)... so its a much more advanced game, than merely having enough gold and troops. The chinese version is even MORE advanced and can take years to master the game)

nice thoughts Lady....very nice! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> i wish my hubby could one day "Stumble" onto this page....... but i wouldnt even be able to con him into mentioning the word Larian, neverless type it in a url <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/disagree.gif" alt="" />

I think a lot of the things said here i would love to say to him, but he is not the type that will sit and listen for more than 2 seconds before he is side tracked, or starts finding hidden meanings in everything...... *sigh*

Why don't you write him a letter? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

WOW!! that's a great idea, Luc! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" /> now i'm not insulting or anything but sometimes it can be THAT simple. think about it, lady rain. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" />

i had problems with a certain friend & to 'talk' to her without being in her face was by writing. & i tell u it helps. that way u don't force a reaction or answer from that person in that moment when u tell him/her & he/she doesn't have to make an immediate decision. they have time to think.

why can't i think of that? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ouch.gif" alt="" />

The other good thing about writing letter is that you get to say everything before they can get self-defensive. Sometimes you just need to say it all without interuptions and they're bound to happen in conversation.

You just need to do one thing, Lady Rain
Write down everything you would like to say to him, but don't read your letter over. Otherwise you start to erase stuff that looks soft or even dumb and at the end you have a letter that is not from the haert anymore but from your mind. Just take a seat, make yourself comfortable, turn on som music but try not to chose something with lovelyrics because than you will start to copycat the songs in your letter, maybe drink a glass of wine to feel more relaxed and start to write with your favo pen or pencil. Don't think, just write!
When you're finished, just fold it and put it in an envelop and mail it to your hubby. Try not to be with him at the time he reads the letter, give him some time to think about it and hopefully the day will end in true romance!
An example: [color:"red"]To Adele Foucher (1821)
My dearest,
When two souls, which have sought each other for,
however long in the throng, have finally found each other
...a union, fiery and pure as they themselves are...
begins on earth and continues forever in heaven.
This union is love, true love,...
a religion, which deifies the loved one,
whose life comes from devotion and passion,
and for which the greatest sacrifices are the sweetest delights.
This is the love which you inspire in me...
Your soul is made to love with the purity and passion of angels;
but perhaps it can only love another angel, in which case I must tremble with apprehension.
Yours forever,
Victor Hugo
[/color]

Sadly, been there done that, VOWED never to be that stupid again....

Letters results in him, finding "hidden reasons / motives" in everything, or pulling things out of context, it doesnt get the reaction you would expect at all.

I have a more subtle way of telling him things (it took me YEARS to perfect). Just give him suggestions once in a while... if you stop to "speak" to him about it, you get the wrong reaction... if you just mention something and then leave it, you amazingly enough will notice a positive result (for a while at least).

He is not a bad person at all.... he is a very caring person, he always helps, all in all he would be a very good parther [color:"orange"] If he can just learn to be more open about emotional stuff [/color]

I love to cuddle, touch, hold on to, hug, kiss, etc the people i love.... He complains when he has to hug / kiss his sister goodbye / hello... He is the same with emotions. Its as if he cannot DARE to be caught out that he has emotions or even care about yours.

Take a mental picture of the 7 year old boy that doesnt want him mom to kiss him goodbye at school.... keep that picture in mind.... now all you do is you replace the faces with adult faces..... PERFECT picture of me & hubby.

So... please note i am not UNHAPPY in my relationship..... i just have a sense of longing to make contact with the deeper emotional things in life... i grew up with them, so the lack of them is very noticable to me....


__________________________________

When am busy breaking my brain over something (in this case a huge puzzle), i want you to come give me a hug, peek over my shoulder and help me find the missing link, before you move on to other things. I want US to smile gotether when we solved the mystery, I want US to look back at those events with pride <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

@ Lady Rain

There are so many people in this world that feel uncomfortable with showing their emotions. I know that living with such a person -even more if you are one that is used in showing your affection- is pretty hard. Not unhappy but hard. One day, if the situation is suitable, and if you have the courage to do that, just say to him that life is very short and that one day we leave this world regreting for all the things we could have done and we did not. Among those things are the kisses we never gave, the hugs we never shared. Pretty sad feelling indeed. Just that. And let him think about it.
Hope this Christmas Santa will give you what you want.
Luc <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wave.gif" alt="" />

O.K. this calls for a round of Hugs for everybody....well those that want 'em anyway! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/stupid.gif" alt="" /> ..."Gather around for a BIG group hug!" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kissyou.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/XmasJump.gif" alt="" />

Count me in! I need it this moment very much! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Especially for you Luc my dear.... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kissyou.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wave.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

That tickles!!!!!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

@ luc, maybe it will work, but i have the feeling that he just never in his life had a lot of affection in his youth.... so maybe its just normal for him to not give hugs and kisses...

@ Lady Rain
That is BS! My mother never gavez me hugs and kisses. She never went to the doctor with me when I was in pain, because "when you're not half-dead you're not sick", I never saw her kissing or hugging my dad or anyone else for that mather. A few years ago, when I came back from my work (I was away for a few day for training) I thought she could use a big hug and when I did she stood there with a look on her face like "what the hell is she doing??". My mother had frozen up! Or maybe she's just emty inside. But I need my hugs and to give my hugs to my hubby and my son.
I like to be kissed and hugged. My childhood has nothing to do with it. So I think your hubby needs to relax a little and warm up. One of these days, you are gone with another man because this one is prepared to give you the love you need so much. He should really watch out, because there is plenty more fish in the sea!! If you catch my drift...

@ gal'
I know he needs to warm up... but he has always been like that.... since the day i met him, he was never the huggy and kissy type...

Not the type, he almost looks like me, never was the affective type, believe me - sometimes i miss these kind gestures so much and i have no one to share my feelings - maybe he just don't know how to show his feelings, i was into this way but now i'm changing a lot, changing my way of thinking - and i saw the things can't do like that, the life can't be withou emotions, without people, withou love. If you want you can change how he show his feelings to you, at least with you, now with other people is more hard - heheheh...

I still believe that he miss you when you are far from him, and i still believe he miss your kindness just don't how to show you this.

ahh true love...

"to dream of riches, that is the dream of beggars
but true love, that is the dream of kings..."

which reminds me of a wonderful message i got from someone a long, long time ago:

"some have it for a lifetime,
some but for a day
love isn't something you measure that way

nothing is forever,
forever is a lie,
that's why you have to treasure each day that passes by..."

Maybe it will work, maybe it wont. But the point is that you will force him reconsider his whole life. What we do not have in our childhood is usually what we miss the most. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />
Good luck and do not give up ok? Remember that you diserve your hugs and kisses.

Oh, i demand them... no matter how much fuss i get about it <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

In anycase, i have a fox-terrorist that is always willing to stand in for any amounts of hugs and kisses <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> (she is currently playing hot-water-bottle on my lap and making sure that i KNOW of all my bruises and scrape marks - i slipped and fell in mud when we got home tonight)

But other than that at least i can say one thing.... I have never been abused in any way (emotionally or physically), and he has always been very protective over me (not over protective though.... the moment i say enough... it stops instantly)..... which is more than a lot of women can say in south africa.... men here are very prone to get agressive.

____________________________________

I want to be the moonlight in your darkness, i want you to be the sun in my garden.

When you feel sick, i want to be the medicine that makes you better, the soft pillow on your bed, the flowers on the night stand.

When you seek happiness i will be your map, even if the road doesnt lead to me, it will lead to your smile, and therefor to my smile. Wehn i seek happiness i need you to be my lantern, to either show me the way, or to shine your light on my map.

(my personal thoughts on the last phrase.... If someone seeks happiness, it wont help to try and point the person towards yourself.... That wont lead to the other person's happiness..... BUT if you let the person find their own happiness, while you follow to offer support (light), you will be there when the person finds it.... and your chances of being the foundation of your partner's happiness is almost assured <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I find this saying better than the one about the bird that flies away, and if it comes back it is yours, if it doesnt, it never was.... If you let someone fly away, you withdraw all contact/ support from that person.... that is not what is needed. By withdrawing from that person, may lead to a higher chance of the person coming back, but that may only be bacause they "need" your support, or because they couldnt find any other support in time. IF you are there, supporting them all the time, yet not being a hinderance to them, they will truely reach their happiness. Chances are that they will find that you are actually the foundation of happiness, they will find that they have all the needed support in you, that you only have their best interest at heart. If you were not their true happiness, at least you were there when they found it, and that will make you a lifetime friend. Sometimes friends are more valued than lovers. )

Lady_rain

Get agressive? Humm... i see, different culture. Here depends a lot of the man what you get, of course have the agressive type as the emotional type and the romantic, i would say that i'm a sad funny romantic type.

Any man can be agressive - but for some cases is more difficult depends a lot of the situation, at least for me and some friends what i know and about the culture here isn't that easy to get agressive, we have more conversation to before get mad, just if the guy is agressive by himself(these ones have to be punished, IMO of course.

talk about aggression, geez .... u guys just made me feel a bit guilty. yes, i'm inwardly aggressive. though i'm not aggresive to people, i am usually to my own self (me & my history of self-inflicted pain). i don't do that anymore. but still ... it's haunting me at the back of my mind.

best cure to aggression? love. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> had it for a short while then lost it. forever or for a period of time? i can't tell. as crusader put it, it's not measured that way.

lady rain, don't give up on hubby now. i think he needs it badly but not knowing or aware of his predicament. we asians have similar problems, in fact worse. almost all don't give out hugs & kisses (i think that may be classified as pornographic behavior <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> ), especially in public though kids today do it. yeah, well, kids & their excuse to touch. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> sadly couples who are committedto one another don't. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/sad.gif" alt="" /> my parents are like that. once in a while my mom would love to be hugged or have her hand held but my dad .... how's that saying goes?

MEN! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

i hope i won't end up being so UNromantic after i commit my love.

Yo Jang, at least you're not a bad man, as you said you are not like you was any more and your cure was the love. Man talk about these things make me think too much about everything. This life is hard man, but now is time to make money. Right? At least for me, i still not rich and well succeed(correct spell?)
but i'll be and with my love at my side in the right time, this are dreams, that's all i can say.

And start to be what i want.


Hehehehe... these final words was nice! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/stupid.gif" alt="" />

u have my moral support, Shyon. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />

remember .... Seek Ye First The Kingdom Of Money. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

& those who love your money will flock around u. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

if life is easy, my friend, we won't struggle at all & life may not be worth living.

Things would be so simple if people all over the world realise that Gods gave us our body in order to use it, love it and have it as a "tool" in a way in order to express what we feel. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Dear oh dear Luc, you sure made a point there Hon <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kissyou.gif" alt="" />

And yet that tool can become a sledge hammer if your love gives of themselves that which in vows they promised only to give to you. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/disagree.gif" alt="" />


Kyra_Ny

I whant to get rid of this embryo of a headache <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/puppyeyes.gif" alt="" />.

Übereil

@ ubs Would you like me to mail you some headache tabbies????

People should realise the power they have.... they have the power to break people, by merely not being responsible enough with the feelings we entrust to them.

We trust them with our very hearts, they should have the responsibility to keep it safe...

Love is all about keeping your partner's needs on high priority. I am not saying higher than your own, but still high priority. Making your partner happy, ensures your own happiness. Making them cry, MAY make you laugh.... but only for a while..... after that you will cry too.

Desconsider what was write here, i didn't finished my text cause i had to get away at that time and couldn't finished my idea. Later i'll post the right thing.

@ Mea
Yes I love you too <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kissyou.gif" alt="" />

I think that what love has become in our days is just a question of domination... Things have become so complicated that we have forgotten the point of loving someone. IMHO love is a simple thing. Either you love someone or you don't. No thinking, no changing. Just acceptance. Simple but yet so hard. The day I will find someone that will love me totaly for what and who I am, I think it will be the day I die.

*Luc... in a very bad mood today*

Well I love you for what you are (NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! dont go dying on me willya <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> )
I just love dancing girls in little pink dresses with lotsa black nails and Tattoo's, red hair and blue eyes with pale skin and not too forget those black boots <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kissyou.gif" alt="" />

@Mea
Really?
Well I will try to find someone for you. With BLUE eyes. Because mine are brown Mea. I have something Greek on me after all.
(...) But I still love you. Thnx for giving a try. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think of all the people i consider to be friends..... i can only count 2 in real life.... all the rest are friends i only have contact with via internet (3 i knew in real life, but they emigrated) and the rest are all HERE!!!!!!

SO to all of my friends here..... here is a little prayer just for you guys (and interestingly enough, i dont mean this funny)

[color:"orange"]Every evening
As I'm laying here in bed
This tiny little prayer
Keeps running thru my head

God bless my mom and dad
And bless my little pup
And look out for my brother
When things aren't looking up

And God, there's one more thing
I wish that you could do
Hope ya don't mind me asking
But please bless my 'puter too??

Now I know that's not normal
To bless a motherboard
But just listen a second
While I explain to you, my Lord

You see, that little metal box
Holds more than odds & ends
Inside those small compartments
Rest hundreds of my 'BEST FRIENDS'

Some it's true I've never seen
And most I've never met
We've never exchanged hugs
Or shared a meal as yet....

I know for sure they like me
By the kindness that they give
And this little scrap of metal
Is how I travel to where they live

By faith is how I know them
Much the same as you
I share in what life brings them
From that our friendship grew

"PLEASE" take an extra minute
From your duties up above
To bless this scrap of metal
That's filled with so much love! [/color]

@ Lady rain
Nice way of putting it, yes I believe a computer must be blessed because I have met more people with that piece of crap than in real life. But still a friendly human touch or a smile can do miracles for me...

Thanks Lady_rain for the pray, about the people around me what i can consider friend, well i think i have one, but has 5 years i never saw this friend again, so actually no one is my friend. Except for the people here of the forum.
I believe i have no one, cause my life right now is running fast a lot with all my studies and projects and work.

It's an interesting pray - look like that it show the real feelings of the writer. I like of things what are espontaneously(correct spell?).

you better Recognize........ ...

the 'puter! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" />

I think computers are taking over most of our lives.... it runs our lives, our finances (my bank has NEVER seen me, not even once), our friends and our work....

I must admit, if something happens to my computers.... i will spend more than 5 minutes crying.

And i think that i am blessed to have so many friends online... i also think that of all the forums i have belonged to (or still do), this one has the best collection of "REAL" people.... not those who are just there for the "image" or just there to sound important....etc (what ever false reasons they have), this forum has people who just WANT to be here....

You guys make this forum fun to chat in, a joy to look forward to, and a smile to experience <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

geez, feeling left out here. everyone, i love u too! thanks for the prayer, thanks for the advice, thanks for the encouragement, thanks for the beautiful thoughts, thanks for the warm wishes, thanks for friendship & thanks for love.

anymore than that, i would've have to buy me tickets to send myself to u just to deliver a hug. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kissyou.gif" alt="" />

Luc, hope u're better now.

We celebrated christmas, we made our new year wishes ... We joke, we live on.
We're very fortunate.

I want to warn young(er) forummembers and people who love children... I want to warn everbody seriously that the images are shokking!!!

My big wish is to have to never see things like this again.

I agree with you... its images we dont want to see....

What i want is the truth, the WHOLE truth, and no secrets like not letting the public know what goes into armour piercing ammunision...

I want the world to know the truth, stark as it may be, because only then, can we take down the lies....

Its beyond scary.....

respect me authoriti'!

Well, you cn't look and still, you do look. If this is our future, than I no longer want to be a part of this world!
[color:"fuchsia"]Make love! Not war!! [/color]

It's only our future for next 4.5 billion years... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/exclamation.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/memad.gif" alt="" />

Per janggut's suggestion in a post I am posting this here.

Another great way for guys to meet up with girls is for the guy to buy, read, and practically memorize a Palmistry (Palm Reading) book.

You can offer to read a girls palm and if she says it's okay
One: It'll allow you to hold her hand.
Two: It'll add a bit of mystery.
Three: It'll allow you to be closer to her, so when you look up to tell her what you are reading, your and her face will be very close, and it allows great eye contact.

Now I'm not saying this to be slimy.
This is only another possible Icebreaker for a guy to use.
I remember what it was like when I first started out in the dating scene.
I was very shy back then.
This was one tactic I used to get and edge over other guys.

Tsel

Ube, take note! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Tsel, any help is appreciated. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />

There is no greater happiness than to feel that your precence increases other well being.

Charlotte Brontë

Yesterday I did some thinking (yes, I can acually think! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />). I was thinking about a task in school, for estethic class, which for me means music. Once this year I'll have to bring a music piece (meaning a song) which I like and play it for the class, and then I'll have to explain why I like it. Interesting enought. Well I thought a little about what song to choose and a little about why. After some turns I got into Ugly (it's in that post, the lyrics). And then I thought of what to say, why I choose that song. And the most important thing about ugly is the lyrics. Theose wonderfull lyrics who really describe what it's like to be whorse then everyone else and how hopeless it makes you feel.

Well, when I grew up, I was never really looked on as likeable. I was far from the most popullar kid in school (and onje difference between a child and a grown up is that a child lets you know if he doesn't like you). I played in a football team at this time, because everyone did. Espessially my best friend. I didn't care much for football myself, I acually found it boring. And I wasn't good at it. My lack of interest and lack of talent soon made me really unpopullar there (too). And the coaches couldn't kick me out, but at the same time, it's bad style to just let go of me and tell me I wasn't suited for football, couldn't I just quit? No, they couldn't do that. But they couldn't let me play either, so I only participated in trainings. And once in a while a game (late second half when we had a comfortable lead. I got to play as forward). At one point my trainer sat down with me to have a chat, and try to explain to me (and at the same time justify his own actions) why he couln't let me play. Couldn't I just understand that I wasn't as good as everyone else? If I prehaps did some training on my own in my free time, prehaps I could develop and get more playing time, but as it was, it was just not possible. Another time I got sent out from a training because makeing push-ups made me dizzy (which I was foolish enough to point it out). To note is that we didn't have our usuall trainer, we had anouther guy (I think he was like responsible for marketing and economy in the club). It was the whorst moment in my entire life.
But I wasn't that popullar in other parts of my life either (even though I wasn't openly despiced as in my footballteam). I think I was kind of accepted in mid grade and upper grade. In upper grade I even had friends (had like two friends earlier. Both from the same geographical area). Four mainlly, but later some more. But mostlly the first four. Two of them where like great pepole, interligent, responsible, friendlly, independent, they had high morals. I really admired them, they where basiclly what I allways wanted to be. And they liked me, I think. Not extremelly much, but they liked me, accepted me. I used to hang out with them in my spare time, one of those two I mentioned lived in this estate (not a grand one, only large) in the countryside, with a huge grounds filled with apple trees and bushes. Great for playing in (which we still did in this age), and the estate was allso big (we played here too). And he had several computers and some good parlour games too. Spending time there was great, most of all because you did things with others. But I'm starting to doubt whenever they really liked me or not, if they only let me come along because not letting me was bad style. Anyway, after we finished upper grade I havn't heard from any of them (but one, which I spoke with on the bus twice. Both if the first few months after ther Gymnasium started again). After than I had no friends. In my new class I there wasn't someone on my wavelenght, and everything I said was stupid or misunderstood. No one there really like me, my precense if for my classmates indifferent. For one year I basiclly walked around and felt I was nothing, not needed in any way by anybody. Believe me, there is nothing so saddening as to everyday feel that whatever you do, nobody will care, and it won't contribue to anything. And trying to change this... Everything I said was generally seen at with lack of understanding, and was generally looked over. After w ahile I felt like reaching out was like trying to get into a house with no door. Everything you could do was to throw yourself against whe wall. After a while you stopped trying, because all you got out of it was the pain from hitting the wall. And all you could do was feel sad and angry because you didn't understand how everybody else managed to get in, and why everybody but you knew how to get in. And feel sad because you were left out of the happiness you could see throught the windows of that house you couldn't get into. And it's with that attitude I found this place.

And you acually helpedme in feeling better. Thank you for that.

Übereil

@ Übereill
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />
You moved me, Übs, nice of you to open up like that. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/hug.gif" alt="" />
And believe me, more members here felt like you did when we were younger. Including me... But there is one consulation, the older you get, the more you will be appreciated for the person that you are and not for the way you look or how strong you are. The inner person is what will count at the end.

Ubs, you are much better than you think....

Do you think that any of the great people in the world had lots of "friends"???? Look at the biography's of ANY person who really changed the world as he knew it... they were the aparent "loners" the ones who were never accepted by the general crowd. It goes as far back as noah.

You do what you do best, you be the person who you are. If people dont have the intelligence to understand you, and iam not talking IQ... blerry hell a PARROT has an IQ ... I am talking about the ability to understand a person. I am talking about the (aparently lost in our day and age) ability to have true empathy.. not the false stuff people show today. If they cant understand you, its THEIR flaw. and their loss

We have come to know you as a witty, spontanious and true friend.... not some average say what everyyone wants to hear human. You are REAL, and still have that inner honoustly that soo few people have...

This forum benefits from your presence... you are part of the FUN here, part of the friendship and auro of acceptance... you see, things work like this.... the reason why you never feel that other people (people around you in real life, not interent)accepts you, is closely linked with the feeling that you see through their fake lives, and you cant accept that... therefore you can also not accept their "acceptance" of you in your heart... I also have that all the time. I cant accept people living their lives behind masks...

I think we are all lucky on this forum... most of us here has dropped our masks... we show people on this forum the true US. Not that we dont CARE what others think... we ca feel the auro of unmasked true people. and that gives us a feeling of peace and acceptance.... And yea, this is a very very unique forum... nowhere else have i seen so many people living their lives unmasked on a single forum....

Welcome to the real world



You could never get in, because you are afraid of it... not afraid of the happiness.... you see the people being "happy" in the house, but you also see their reflections in the mirror... the mirror that doesnt show the masks, and you see the sadness and the horror.

First mistake : Don't do things vbecause everyone else does it. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" /> Just be your self. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

As long as you begin comparing yourself with others, you'll lose. You've got no reason to compare, you're an Individual.



Have I already told the story of the Premiere of Star Wars Episode I ? When I had "bought" a ticket another personhad *never* actually bought, but at THAT evening this person dropped out of nowhgere and re-claimed the ticket ? When I was outside the building while everyone was enjoying the movie I had been waiting 16 years for ?

In the last weeks I met someone very special to me, and she opened my eyes. She called it a "martyr effect". You give too much to others, actually so much that there is not much left of your self anymore. That's why you feel sad.

Your sadness, inferiority feelings and maybe lack of self-confidence are just illusions created to hold you down. Maybe someone created them, maybe you did it yourself, I don't know. But in fact, as long as you cling on to them, hold on to them, they will keep you down, down on the floor, hindering you to stand up and develop your very own full potential of living.

So stop giving too much that there is in the end nothing left of your self anymore. Instead, try taking what you need. Because you need it. You have the right to be in need of things like anyone else.

Übereil, read this text by Lady Rain, and meditate or think about it (or both). It has a *lot* of truth in itself.

That's it for now.

Alrik

*mumbles something about a drunk person always speaks a sober mind*

If you want to get the TRUTH of what you feel, and what you think... go write something after a couple of glasses....

Alcohol strips us of all pretence... all thats left is the REAL stuff...

I know now, but not when I was seven <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />. Now adays I rarelly do what others do (unless when I don't know what to do, if for example I'm supposed to be at this place at this time and a bunch of my classmates (who is supposed to be there too) is going somewhere, I'll tag along. But that's basiclly it).

@ Lady_Rain: Oh, didn't you read about my attitude to alcohol?

And I have no feeling of giving, really. I never really have the chance. But I know what you meen, and I'm trying. It's just that it's so damn hard. You can't do it in the blink of an eye, so to say.

And by the way, your posts warms <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

Übereil

Meditation works.

@ Alrik
Nice to hear that you have met someone, and I hope that you finally find hapiness in life. You really deserve it, friend. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />

I wish i could ever be alone to meditate... but time is a luxury in my life.... and being alone is just unheard of!!!!!

@ ubs, sorry i didnt know that you dont drink at all... i very seldomly drink... but when i do, i make sure i do it properly.... (not fallover drunk stuff, just way too tipsy to care about the world, and to fall asleep in 3 seconds flat)

Either which way ubs... we still love you for who you are.... a very warm person, and a person who makes us all feel special all the time <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> But it's a little bit complicated, still. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

@ Alrik
Take your time friend, nothing is rushing you. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/hug.gif" alt="" />

@ Al -> way to go! never mind it's still too early. enjoy the blooming. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

@ Lady Rain -> Cleg has a great idea. if i'm not mistaken, meditation doesn't take hours or to be alone to do it. u have to create that environment in your head, not around u for it to happen. it can be around lunch time, or drive back from work, while installing stuff on computer etc. there are many ways of meditation. do find out which is right for u! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

@ Cleg -> thanks for the idea. never thought of it. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />

@ Ube -> i used to scoff at my aunt's words 'one day when u look back, u'll laugh at things u took so seriously when it's just not a big deal at all'. now it comes back to me & i do feel that i was rather silly in my youth yet i enjoyed it much despite the many pains i had to go through (some were & still are the worst pain i have experienced). sop yes, one way to look at your life is to picture yourself in the future looking back into the past. that way, u view 'now' as past which is to be made to achieve what & where u want to be in the future where u envision yourself to be as u look into the past.

hope u get what i say. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Yes; in principle that's right. Just take the breakfast time (lunch time), for example. If you have a small park outside (don't know) with a bench, you could just sit there and close your eyes - and tell the internat timer to wake you up in ten minutes or so. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

I
want some of that luxury they call time!!!!!
quick schedule (of the average day)
7:30 wake up, shower get ready, make sure husband is fed and well, etc
etc etc
8:30 leave the house, and HOPE you can get to the office in peak hour
traffic in 30 mites.
9:00 grab a cuppa java in the rush to get to the first meeting (with
BIG bosses)
9:30 now that i am thoroughly crapped out etc etc etc, start the 2nd
meeting to motivate sales staff - this is normally with LOUD music,
lots of cheering and clapping and a headache to follow
10:30 Make sure everyone got the propper amount of leads needed, and
hand out appointments
11:00 everyone out of the office, phone clients to confirm delivery
times, sort out problems etc... (with boss breathing down your neck )
11:30 Appointments with clients every 2 hours.... till 9:30 pm, after
which you rush home and drop dead in bed..... (average appointment duration is 1:30 and requires more brainpower in overcoming objections, finding solutions to THEIR needs (with your own products naturally) and loads of negotiating
i didnt see lunch or breakfast times there...

Getting on the net, either very late in the evenings (in a braindead stage), or 3 minutes here and 2 minutes there between meetings while sorting through appointments.

What's the ponit of haveing a job like that? You might get loads of cash, but do you ever get time to enjoy all the cash you earn?

Übereil

@Lady Rain
Then you might consider to meditate in your dreams, if you can't take the time while awake. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" /> Seriously, if you manage to think about something precise when you fall asleep, often your dreams will bring you some insight about it. At least, it does for me.


I know what you mean, it's been a bit like that for me too; add that to the fact that I was always the youngest among my friends. But the thing that really liberated me is when I stopped seeing myself mostly through the others' eyes.

Sorry, but I can't resist : It sounds like he was a baby ... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

I do hope he isn't in a body condition that he really needs help like this, but if it is so, then I'm sorry (and glad that he has someone who helps him).

If not ...



Very good idea ! Worke for / with me sometimes, too ! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think i should try that.... hopefully i will succeed <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

As for hubby, he is perfectly capable of physically looking after himself.... the arrangement goes something like this... He cooks supper for us, i prepare breakfast for him and make sure he has sarmies for the day. sowwy in my hurry to type the previous post, i sort of didnt explain anything.

Okay; I rather expected this. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Lady Rain, i hope soon enough u will find a better job that treats u more humanely & gives u the time to live life. in the meanwhile, stay TOUGH!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wave.gif" alt="" />

About what Lady_Rain and I was talking about, here's some lyrics that perfectlly resembles that house:

This is the happy house...we're happy here
In the happy house...oh it's such fun
We've come to play in the happy house
And waste a day in the happy house
It never rains
We've come to scream in the happy house
We're in a dream in the happy house
We're all quite sane
This is the happy house...we're happy here
There's room for you if you say "I do"
But don't say no or you'll have to go
We've done no wrong with our blinkers on
It's safe and calm if you sing along
This is the happy house...we're happy here in the happy house
To forget ourselves...and pretend all's well
There is no hell.

Übereil

You got that one Spot on <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />