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>>>> BROADCAST 1<<<< HELLO! CAN ANYONE HEAR ME? IS ANYBODY THERE? Richard? Is that you? Ah...Elsa my dear. I'm so glad to see you made it out of the Valley, before the tragedy struck upon the village. TRAGEDY? What do you mean, Richard? Well, I see that you must still be on location in the Orobas Fjords and luckily so. The forces of Damian have destroyed the village and left the entire valley in a toxic cloud of death. I was with Dr Needleman at the time, and thus able to make it to the waypoint shrine and teleport us to the broadcast station atop the Citadel. OH MY, HOW HORRID! Thankfully you were with him... and why was that exactly? Oh...Well...The kind doctor was tending a slight rash I had developed in my nether region, you see. I'm afraid I do...and sorry I asked. Fear not, my little passion flower, as it will not hinder the roaring engine of "The Richard Love Train". For I will remain steadfast, atop this tower with all these demons flying about, until our next joining. You mean our first...And we'll be WAITING SOME TIME for that one... Alas, I can feel the pain in your voice and longing for the embrace of a Champion, but we must remain diligent. For our job at hand, to bring the news of Rivellon, outweighs our rendezvous of lust. Yes...Indeed it does...thank the maker... Well Richard, I will continue to investigate the Fjords and the tracking of this evil sorceress Sonoura. I have a strong suspicion she plays quite the role in all of this. So Rivellon, this has been your Champion, broadcasting from the isolated Citadel Tower. Bringing you updates as they unfold from the Fjords.
Last edited by SENIOR CINCO; 09/05/11 04:36 PM.
UNKNOWN: Friends help you move...True friends, help you move bodies... E.A.P.: Blood was it's Avatar and it's seal. E.A.P.: Stupidity is a talent for misconceptions.
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old hand
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Ha ha ha ha. That pesky Richard.
"I don't even stay for breakfast!"
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Good day citizens, and thank you once again for tuning in to WDKS. I'm your endowed anchor, Richard of Aleroth. The arousing Ms Elsa has a WDKS exclusive with the self-proclaimed philosopher, Simeon. Lets join her now, live in the Fjords. Elsa, my little pincushion, are you there?
Your little what?...Anyway, I'm here with the philosopher, Simeon, who had a somewhat extended conversation with the notorious Sonoura, aka "The Naked Nun". Now Simeon, as I understand it, you lost your sight to age. The sorceress helped you regain your vision?
Indeed she did, my child.
And how exactly did she accomplish this? Through some sort of evil magic? And if so, what was the price you paid for dealing with a demon?
The role she portray was not that of the forbidden arts, but a mere prospector. She was sent forth to extricate the jewel of the emerald gods.
You mean a Malachite gem?
Precisely child. The incantation for my optics required two of the rare paragons. With only one in her possession, she ventured to the great Yggdragsil to rid him of the infestation, known as Charlie.
You mean the great Goblin Chief? It WAS rumored that he possessed a malachite gem.
I see the anecdote of his inventory stretch beyond the boundary of the Fjords. Though this Goblin Chief would prove not the title of greatness, that you so proclaimed.
I know you were not able to see it. I wonder how she was able to defeat him? She must be very strong.
Her stature is not more than that of a common hare by comparison, as her strength lies in sheer numbers. The loss of sight grants an acute sense of the acoustics. I could hear the soul of the Goblin being torn from his very flesh, by the minions called forth from the bowels of Hades itself.
FASCINATING! This interview is going a lot better than the last one, with that Crabbe fellow. So Simeon, with your sight restored, can you give us a description of the demon summoning sorceress?
My child, there exists not verbiage in the vocabulary of man that could bare description of such beauty.
Surely,you can give us SOMETHING. What color was her hair?
For the life of me... I... don't recall. Her milky white skin, with a silk-like sheen on those...
Ahem...BLAST, I knew it was too good to be true. You mean to tell me that you spent all day AND night talking, and your newly found eyes never made it UP that far.
I filled her mind with a plethora of knowledge and filled her...
OK! I think that will just about wrap things up here.
I was going to say, filled her purse with coin.
YEA RIGHT! I'm sure you were darling...Well Richard, that's what we have for now. I can see from here, that the barrier has been taken down. I'll continue to make my way through the Orobas Fjords and see if we can find SOMEONE to give a general description of Sonoura, that doesn't just detail certain body parts. Back to you at the Citadel.
Thank you, my ripe little apple of the airways. I'll be sure to pick you in dew time. This is YOUR Champion of Aleroth, remaining strong on the outside and stronger on the inside. Stay tunned to WDKS for more exciting news, broadcast LIVE, from the Fjords.
Last edited by SENIOR CINCO; 10/05/11 08:52 AM.
UNKNOWN: Friends help you move...True friends, help you move bodies... E.A.P.: Blood was it's Avatar and it's seal. E.A.P.: Stupidity is a talent for misconceptions.
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old hand
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Is Richard going to escape from the tower and hunt Sonoura down and what will he do once he finds her? Actually...I don't think that's appropriate for these forums...
Last edited by Demonic; 10/05/11 03:00 PM.
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Is Richard going to escape from the tower and hunt Sonoura down and what will he do once he finds her? Actually...I don't think that's appropriate for these forums... No, we don't want to go there...lol This will remain a PG rating.
UNKNOWN: Friends help you move...True friends, help you move bodies... E.A.P.: Blood was it's Avatar and it's seal. E.A.P.: Stupidity is a talent for misconceptions.
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veteran
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What's a "PG rating" Senior Cinco ?
On 7th of february 2015 : I start a new adventure in the Divinity world of Original Sin, it's a Fantastic Freaking Fabulous Funny ... it's my All Time Favorite One !
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It's a rating placed on movies and TV shows, warning the viewers of the content of the program PG stands for Parental Guidance. The general average of most drama or comedy shows.
An R rating would be next, meaning Restricted (age 17+) containing curse language, nudity and or gore. There is a PG-13, but I just refer to them as PG.
Last edited by SENIOR CINCO; 11/05/11 09:47 AM.
UNKNOWN: Friends help you move...True friends, help you move bodies... E.A.P.: Blood was it's Avatar and it's seal. E.A.P.: Stupidity is a talent for misconceptions.
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It's another sunny day in the valley, because it never rains! Ha! Dr Needelman, can you tell us why that is, exactly? No, of course you can't. This IS WDKS Eyewitness News. I am your host and Champion of Companions, Richard of Aleroth, broadcasting LIVE from atop the Citadel Tower. Along with my co-host, and rather speechless, Dr Needelman. Let us join now, our Concupiscent Corespondent in the Orabas Fjords. Elsa, my sweet, are you there?
A Concu...OH, nevermind...Anyway, how is the great Dr Needelman?
Well, my dear...He just sits there, on the floor, rocking in his invisible chair. He seems to remain in this state of shock, of sorts. Mourning the loss of his beloved helm, it would seem. Thus being reduced to nothing shy of a tomato.
Awww...The poor man. He was always quite the gentleman, he was.
Yes, well I must say, the rocking motion makes for a very effective boot buffer. I can actually see my handsome self in them.
RICHARD! That's a horrible thing to say.
Quite right, my dear...You're quite right. I should have described myself a little more dramatically.
I was referring to the kind Dr...Oh forget it, it's no use anyway...On a brighter note! I am here, in the Fjords, at the location of "Camp Eagle's Nest". I have here with me, two gentleman who witnessed the carnage, chaos and destruction of the demonically bound Sonoura. Now gentlemen, where did this display of satanic spawns take place?
ABRAM: It all took place on the lower level. She forced her way in, with those creatures of hers, and completely disrupted the little relm of debauchery and bloodshed, we had set here!
BEIRD: Yes, everything was going accordingly. To the plans of Lord John and Lady Kara, that is.
She beat Lord John and Lady Kara?
ABRAM: That frail thing couldn't BEAT her freedom from a sealed paper sack. It was that hord of minions that took or Lord and Lady.
And where were you two, while all this was happening?
BEIRD: We were on the stairs. Locked behind the barrier, erected by Lord John, to contain her and her small army.
I see...and after the defeat of Lord John and Lady Kara, how is it that you were able to survive?
ABRAM: We were no match for a Dragon Knight, so we came to an arrangement.
Wait a minute! Did you say Dragon Knight? I thought we were talking about the Naked Nun.
ABRAM: Nun, Sorceress, Dragon...yes, one in the same.
Amazing! Well, that does help explain a lot of the strange goings on. So, tell us more about this little arrangement. Was there any sort of possession taken place?
BEIRD: It was more of a mutual agreement. Our lives in exchange for the option of trade, you see.
ABRAM: More of an unwilling reluctancy, if you ask me.
Interesting, indeed. So, what sort of trade?
ABRAM: Well, obviously not having much use of grand weapons or armor. She does most of her trading with the dim-witted one.
BEIRD: DIM-WITTED?
ABRAM: INDEED! It would appear, this weak-minded imbecile, has fallen to this possession you speak of. Having with her the Hammer Of Razakel, a thing to my interest, and she trades it to her little pet.
But, that hammer was believed to be held by the powerful necromancer Barnabus. How did she gain this item?
BIERD: No doubt, the same way she way she took our Lord and Lady.
ABRAM: Yes, and trading it to the little Boy Toy, from stupid potions and trinkets! Getting her attention by flashing those rings and charms, only to fall under a CHARM himself!
BIERD: That Dragon does not control ME!
ABRAM: YOU IDIOT! SHE'S NOT HERE RIGHT NOW! IS SHE?!!
Now,Now, Boys. Let's stay on track here. Can either of you describe her?
BIERD: She was about your build and a little less dressed. Hmmm...
And...This is how it starts...
ABRAM: Yes,Yes, and she had red hair, long red hair.
BIERD: Her hair was BLOND.
ABRAM: It was RED!
BIERD: Or maybe it was brown...
ABRAM: You can't remember because you were DRUNK with LUST.
BIERD: No, It was most certainly, black.
ABRAM: IT WAS RED!
BIERD: You ALWAYS see red!
ABRAM: Yes, and the next RED I see, will be from your BLEEDING CORPSE, if you DON"T SHUT IT!!
Well, I think I've exhausted the information here...
BIERD: No need to run, cherry. We would love to HAVE you for dinner. HeHeHe...
ABRAM: Oh, quite so. After all, we seem to be short a guest, after the release of that cute Champion. HaHaHa...
Yes, well as frightening as that sounds, I'm AFRAID I must pass. Richard, back to you, as I make, an apparently, narrow escape!
There, there dearest. Don't start the festivities without Ole Richard. You know how much I enjoy eating on the fly.
Well, when and IF you're able to fly over here, I shall be long departed.
Fair enough, my little plumb pie. Keep it tunned to WDKS for Revillon's latest.
UNKNOWN: Friends help you move...True friends, help you move bodies... E.A.P.: Blood was it's Avatar and it's seal. E.A.P.: Stupidity is a talent for misconceptions.
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Helloooo Revillon! This WDKS Eyewitness News. I'm your Lieutenant of Libido and host, Richard of Aleroth. Along with my verbally challenged co-host, Dr Needelman. Is there anything you would like to grunt out to our listeners, Dr? Yes...Well, maybe next time. Let me take you now to our roving reporter with the scrumptious rumptious, Elsa.
Richard, that introduction made absolutely no sense what so ever.
I was merely commenting on your shapely backside, my dear.
Yes...Well, be that as it may, I don't think y...Oh sod it...I am here, at Dragon Cliff Castle, trying to track down the evil sorceress Sonoura, aka "The Naked Nun", and now known Dragon Knight. I have with me here, one of the Dragon worshipers, Gimm. Now, Gimm, I understand that you actually saw her IN Dragon form. Is that correct, and what was it like?
Ah, yes. It was a truly magnificent sight. She soared through the skies with the grace of an angel, and struck down those wyvern with the force of a fire god.
Wow! That must have be...
All hail! Our Lord has returned! Off in the distance, you shall bear witness to her grace this day!
Darling, That's a butterfly, and it's about to land on your face...
I shall kneel in wait of her presence.
Alright sugar, you DO just that. In the meantime, I'm making my way into the ruins of the castle. Let's see if we can find some...You there! Sir! Might I ask a few questions of you?
Certainly, me lady.
And, you are?
I am Tobelisk, great Dragon Sl...Ah, worshiper of the great Dragon, yes.
Hmmm, You don't seem as...well, taken by all this, as the other fellow.
My group and I are just not ready to accept a Dragon Knight, to replace the true Dragon, Orobas. For I will not be influenced by her wicked tongue of seduction. No-Sir-Ree-Bob, I wont! Leading the minds of these people astray, with all that...flaunting of...flesh and...those...lovely...
It would appear, you have been a little more influenced than you...
Nonsense! I will NOT surcome to that lustful trickery she bestows. Strutting around here, like a common...twitching that...tight little...
Thank you! I think that will be good for now, thanks. Moving right along, let's see if...Excuse me! Sir? A moment of your time?
Yes, my dear?
And,who might you be?
I am Jedediah, follower of the Great Orobas. And with the aid of the Dragon Knight, my people and I shall be graced by our mighty Lord once again.
What sort of aid, would that be exactly?
She has vowed to recover elements, so that I may break the seal that imprison's our god. Thus, she has set forth to High Hall, and we must await her return.
Well then, it's off to High Hall, I suppose. Until then, this has been Elsa, live from Dragon Cliff Castle. Richard , back to you.
Thank you my saucy side-kick, and once at High Hall, do give dear Beatrice a pat on the bum, from yours truly, will you? Until next time, kiddies, this has been your outspoken Champion, and the not so outspoken Dr, signing off. Stay tunned to WDKS, as the reports continue.
UNKNOWN: Friends help you move...True friends, help you move bodies... E.A.P.: Blood was it's Avatar and it's seal. E.A.P.: Stupidity is a talent for misconceptions.
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Great Reports I'm patiently unpatiently waiting for the next Broadcast Thanks for the funny to read reports . It must be, Senior Cinco, you've a great Imagination & Creative Mind ... All the best, Jurdenson & his Ghostly Ghost, not to forget ... his Buddy, compound with body parts selled by Grimm, amongst other things, and created by Mister flow flow flow ...
On 7th of february 2015 : I start a new adventure in the Divinity world of Original Sin, it's a Fantastic Freaking Fabulous Funny ... it's my All Time Favorite One !
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Thanks Joram.
I've been a little sidetracked as of late, with a newly found addiction, "Portal". Not being a fan at all, of 1st per games, I spent half the night playing that stupid thing. I also find it hard, to come up with ways to keep the reports interesting, and not sound 'too' lame.
I need to advance Sonoura through a few more areas, before the next broadcast.
UNKNOWN: Friends help you move...True friends, help you move bodies... E.A.P.: Blood was it's Avatar and it's seal. E.A.P.: Stupidity is a talent for misconceptions.
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... newly found addiction, "Portal". Welcome to the club  PS - I find your reports entertaining - don't worry about 'over thinking' them...
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Greetings fine people of the lands. You're listening to WDKS, Revillon's sorce for news. I'm your host and Provocateur, Richard of Aleroth. Along with the well suited, but unfortunately muted, Dr needleman.
This jut in...There has been an apparent disruption outside of 'Morals Cave'. On location is our bustly beauty, Elsa. Elsa what do you have for us? And please don't be gentle. I've been a bad boy, mummsy.
One of these days Richard, someone is going to put you in your place.
Yes my sweet, and it is in my hopes and dreams, that will include hot wax, feathers and leather.
Oh my, I think I'm going to be ill from that mental picture...NOW, ON with the latest. I'm here, just outside the entrance of 'Morals Cave', With the renowned Mage, Summoner and arguably psychotic, Bellegar. Now Bellegar, from what my sorces are telling me, you have this Cave of Morals set up like trap of sorts. That pits an unknowing passerby, with a trial of choices. Is that correct?
Indeed it does, and choose they must. For their end rewards, equals their just.
Why must you talk like that?
I do not know, what sparks the rhyme. For I've don so, since the dawn of time.
I see...well, just try and work with me. Will you dear? Thanks...Soooo, the evil sorceress fell into your little lair of mind games, and how did that turn out?
I greeted her, and tried my best. Not to stare, at those...
I think we can probably finish the rest of that ourselves, thank you. Can you give some insight, as to how these trials work?
I have told you more, than you need to know. If curiosity beckons, then you can go.
Tempting as that is, I think I'll just stick to the questioning for now. Can you at least tell us about HER experience with the trials?
She charmed foe aginist foe, as she bore her rath. And done so by choosing, her evil path. We spoke once more, and I do fear. I was smitten with love, as the end drew near.
Are you saying, you were taken in by this spell of hers?
I'm too powerful, to fall under such cast. Yet my heart felt something, that something could last. My mind filled with thoughts, both evil and mild. I pictured us wed, and her with child.
What was her reaction to all this?
I tried showing affection, through wit and pun. Alas I failed, and didn't get Nun.
Ok...that might have been a little more than I had bargained for, and I think we will leave it with that. Continuing my journey to High Hall, on the search for Sonoura, this has been another report from the Fjords. Richard, back to you at the Citadel.
Thank you, my cherished. Well, that concludes another edition of WDKS EYEWITNESS NEWS. Broadcast LIVE from Citadel Tower. This is your adorable anchor, Richard of Aleroth, reminding the fair maidens of Revillon to remain selfpleasured by the sound of my voice, until my return.
UNKNOWN: Friends help you move...True friends, help you move bodies... E.A.P.: Blood was it's Avatar and it's seal. E.A.P.: Stupidity is a talent for misconceptions.
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Richard just keeps getting more and more scandalous. Though I wasn't expecting Bellegar to fall in love with the naked nun!
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Ahh, Another day in the ever so changing world of Revillon! This is WDKS, and I'm your host that boast the most, Richard of Aleroth. Joined by my silent partner, Dr Needleman. Before we get to the news, of the day, I have a brief word from one of our sponsors. Mullet's Meat Market, where you are sure to find the best selection of fresh flesh on the docks. Because at Mullet's, you can't bet the price and you wont beat the meat. Elsa, lay it on me baby. Oh, how I DO love my job...
Richard, I believe that's fresh FISH.
I just read'em as I see'em dearest. It's a you say to-MAY-to, I say to-MAH-to sort of thing.
But that's completely different, it is. Oh...why do I EVEN bother? I am now, just arriving at High Hall, where the Dragon Knight/Summoner, aka 'The Naked Nun' was reportedly heading. In search...Wait! What's this? OH! BY THE DEVINE! The entire village has gone BONKERS! Everyone is dancing about, in nothing more than a loincloth.
I'll be RIGHT there!
I'm serious, Richard! It appears to be in total chaos. Let's see if we can find out what's going on.
QUINTUS: WHOO-HOO! Hay there cutie! Come to join in the fun?
What happened here?! What are you people doing?!
QUINTUS: Wye, were just having a PARTY! HAHAHA...Me and the boys are just letting off a little steam, to celebrate the victory over those damn Twooolls...mmmm...
Do you think, this is the sort of conduct expected of the military? And, WHAT are your men DOING?
QUINTUS: Yes...well, we've always been a close group. ISN'T THAT RIGHT BOYS? WHOOOO!
You can't possibly...Hey! Stop that!
GWYN: Bet ye never been pinched by a goblin before, have ye, human?
A goblin? But...you're...
GOBIE: Oh, don't mind him, sweetness. He was that way, BEFORE the Drudanae...Hey! Where IS Nicolas anyway?
BEATRICE: I think he went to see about getting some of that chicken from Mundus. Everybody's starting to get a little hungry.
Aren't you just a little bit nervous running around like that? Being the only female in the village?
BEATRICE: I wasn't always. The other lady, and her hubby, were ran off by the Dragon Knight. Besides, were all like family here.
The Dragon Knight? You mean Sonoura?
BEATRICE: Yes, she's quite lovely. Don't you think? She sent them away, right before she slew the demon in the well, and restored the water to our little home.
Why would an evil sorceress aid a troubled village?
BEATRICE: We presented her with four rare gems for the deed.
Ah, I knew there was a catch.
BEATRICE: She then showed us the way! BE FREE AND RELEASE!
GOBIE: THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!! WHOOO-WEEE!!
These poor people are obviously under some sort of spell...
GWYN: Hey! Watch this! I can put me WHOLE foot in me mouth!
...leaving them in a drunken and disorderly state. The aftermath, left in the wake of the mind-controlling Sonoura, no doubt. Richard, this grows even more strange by the minute. Back to you, at the tower.
Why must YOU have all the fun? I think you should babysit Sir Talks-A-Lot, and let me do the reporting. Oh, woe is me...That's it for now folks. This is your very depressed Champion...signing off.
UNKNOWN: Friends help you move...True friends, help you move bodies... E.A.P.: Blood was it's Avatar and it's seal. E.A.P.: Stupidity is a talent for misconceptions.
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