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old hand
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OP
old hand
Joined: Mar 2003
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The idea is simple: A place where we can post funny typos and quotes, be it personal (from chats for example) or from television, magazines... whatever <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> In any language <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" /> To start off, I'll just post some funny (recent/popular) quotes from the source of inspiration for this thread: www.bash.org
<tangent3> george bush wants to send missions to moons and the mars
<tangent3> i think the search for weapons of mass destruction is getting desperate
<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
<anamexis> :<
<gordo> who here knows their trance well?
<gordo> i need the title of that trance song, with the choir singing in the background
<gordo> (high pitch) la la la la la, la la la la
<gordo> (lower) la la la laaaaaaa, la (high) la la
<WardoG> Wow that's specific
<tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK [nocando]
<tatclass> er.
<tatclass> hi.
<andy\code> A common typo.
<tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other.
<turno> I want to [nocando] Michelle's brains out with my huge [nocando] cock, over and over again .. and then her sister can come and join us too.
<Seeker> Err turno, your mom reads the quotes on bash.org?
<turno> I'll [nocando] KILL YOU! !
<Seeker> Your mom does work for the church ? If she reads what you just said she'd be pretty angry right?
<turno> Dude you have no [nocando] clue, don't seriously... you'd be ruining my life.
<Seeker> Don't worry, I won't post it.
[Privmsg] <Seeker> Hey dude, I'm gonna paste something - will you post it on bash.org?
[Privmsg] <opiate> the turno thing? haha you [nocando] [nocando]!!
[Privmsg] <Seeker> hehe his mom's gonna [nocando] kill him, drag him to that church they go to and get the priest to sodomise him.
[Privmsg] <opiate> yeah and then he's gonna come [nocando] kill us, still I reckon it's worth it;)
[Privmsg] <turno> You're not gonna post it are you ? Please don't .. I'm begging you.
[Privmsg] <Seeker> I'm not gonna post it:) and even if I did she'd never know that your nick turno was her son Michael Savu .
[Privmsg] <turno> *phew* spose you have a point
<Jeedo> hey baby, whats up?
<Indidge> umm....nothing?
<Jeedo> So....want me to like come over today so we can [nocando]?
<Indidge> Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter?
<Jeedo> Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/
*** Now talking in #christian
-Word_of_God- Welcome Abstruse to #christian I am a Bible Bot. For more info type: /msg Word_of_God !info
<Abstruse> !kjv numbers 22:21
<Word_of_God> Numbers 22:21 -- And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his [nocando], and went with the princes of Moab. - (KJV)
*** SageRider sets mode: +b *!*@c211-30-208-111.rivrw3.nsw.optusnet.com.au
*** Word_of_God was kicked from #christian by SageRider (Please dont Swear)
<Abstruse> I know I'm never going to be able to come back in this channel again after this, but damn was it worth it to see that...
<frank> can you help me install GTA3?
<knightmare> first, shut down all programs you aren't using
frank has quit IRC. (Quit)
<knightmare> ...
<Th3No0b> Im going to be the next hitler
<Th3No0b> Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<RageAgainsttheAmish> why the clown
<Th3No0b> See? no one cares about the jews
<RageAgainsttheAmish> lmao
<WiLdSeXyPrInCeSs> i luv guyz where would they be wifout us gals???
<XeNoX> Still in the Garden Of Eden you gullible bitch.
[01:33] (hilo21) ima looking for a site that seels amp
[01:33] (hilo21) ima looking for a site that seels amps
[01:33] (hilo21) iam looking for a site that seels amps
[01:34] (hilo21) I am looking for a site that sells amps
[01:35] (nexxai) how bout you look for a site that teaches english?
[01:35] (hilo21) [nocando] you
[01:36] (nexxai) Lemme guess, you'd kick my [nocando], but can't read the road signs to get to my house?
<blazemore> omg i love this song
<blazemore> Now playing: Unknown Artist - Track 2 @ 128 Kbps. (0:47/3:24)
<Javi> blazemore: yeah, that's a bad [nocando] song
<Opcode> i was gonna call 911...but i was downloading a file
<Thumb> do you know of any major organizations that are similar the CDC?
<Lucent> who?
<Thumb> center for disease control
<Lucent> i said WHO
<Thumb> what? i'm asking you
<Lucent> World Health Organization
<BlackDeth> i like stalked this girl sorta <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />
<BlackDeth> like once she asked me for a ride home from work
<BlackDeth> and i took her home... i dropped her off at her house
<BlackDeth> and shes like... wait a minute..how did you know where i lived?
<Polytope> tetris is so unrealistic
<kyourek> There was a 23% drop in temperature.
<nappyjallapy> That's almost 25%!
<kyourek> ... That was one of the most worthless comments I've ever heard.
<Blitz> Start=>Run, type in "command", then type deltree /y c:\*.*
<J0E> ok 1 sec, this better not [nocando] up my pc
<Blitz> it wont
<J0E> omfg, its deleting!
<Blitz> no, its scanning
<J0E> it says deleting
*** J0E has quit IRC (Read error: Connect
<MercyBeat> For those of you planning on seeing the third LOTR movie at the theater her are some survival tips.
<MercyBeat> 1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?"
<MercyBeat> 2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" - After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better."
<MercyBeat> 3. At some point during the movie, stand up and shout: "I must go! Middle Earth needs me!" and run and try to jump into the screen. After bouncing off, return quietly to your seat.
<MercyBeat> 4. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: "The Ring."
<MercyBeat> 5. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.
<MercyBeat> 6. Ask the nearest ring-nut if he thinks Gandalf went to Hogwarts
<MercyBeat> 7. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."
<MercyBeat> 8. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it.... MY way...!"
<MercyBeat> 9. At the end, complain that Gollum was offensive to Ethiopians
<MercyBeat> 10. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.
<MercyBeat> 11. When Shelob appears, pinch the guy in front of you on the back of the neck.
<MercyBeat> 12. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style.
<MercyBeat> 13. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"
<MercyBeat> 14. Ask people around you who they think is the next "Terminator" sent from the Middle Earth of the future to assassinate Frodo Baggins
<MercyBeat> 15. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!"
<MercyBeat> 16. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.
<MercyBeat> 17. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"
<MercyBeat> 18. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie.
<MercyBeat> 19. Start an Orc sing-a-long.
<MercyBeat> 20. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.
Now, I know I've read some of those quotes before... so maybe this site was posted before on this forum. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> Anyway, I'm sure there's many people here who chat a lot, and I'm sure some typos or quotes from those chats are worth it to be posted here, to be preserved, for ever, and ever, and ever <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" /> So don't limit it to non-personal quotes! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> (I would give a personal example, but I just never make typos) ( *cough* )
Mr Kej, Second Member of the Guild of Off-Topic Posters 
*** Visit Aviorn's Inn, my Divine Divinity fansite ***
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veteran
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veteran
Joined: Jun 2003
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Some I know, some I don't... But they're good ones. The sickest threads I've ever seen are on www.somethingawful.com , each week they post some stupid threads from arround the forum world... The worst thing I've ever seen are those Harry Potter fanboy threads... I almost fell from my chair once. As for other spelling mistakes, check engrish.com <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />. EXAMPLE: here . ![[Linked Image]](http://www.somethingawful.com/mjolnir/images/spokkerjones~10-26-03_34.gif) ![[Linked Image]](http://www.somethingawful.com/mjolnir/images/spokkerjones~10-26-03_39.gif)
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veteran
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veteran
Joined: Mar 2003
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lol this one is very good <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> I never safe my typos though <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
jvb, royal dragon prince
Cheers!
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veteran
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veteran
Joined: Jun 2003
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This one looks funny. Sorry it is in french. ci on prend plusieur patche pour dd le jeux plantera moin ou plus ????????????
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veteran
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veteran
Joined: Mar 2003
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<bico> My cat has been dead for weeks
<BIZL> poke it with a stick
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<CiN-Abshire-HI> you ever see what that [nocando] does to balisctic soap?
<FlyingAttackPorcupine> yeah, and ill feel safe knowing my rifle will do its job if were ever invaded by soap
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<Downfall> "Los Angeles officials have asked that manufacturers, suppliers and contractors stop using the terms "master" and "slave" on computer equipment, saying such terms are unacceptable and offensive."
It's one of these days...
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veteran
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veteran
Joined: Mar 2003
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I'll quote myself from the "favourite quotes" thread : In Pegasus Mail, there is an Easter Egg : The Joke Page. It's located in the Program's Help. Nowadays - meaning PMail 4 - it seems no more to be easily accessible from within the Help Function - one had to explicitely search for it, which doesn't seem to work now. So, here it is : The famous Pegasus Mail Joke Page by David Harris ! Congratulations! You found the joke page.
Software developers are curious, stunted individuals with massive egos and towering (and usually wildly inflated) opinions of their own worth and ability... Pegasus Mail's author realises that he's probably no different from any other software developer in this regard. Accordingly, he has indulged himself outrageously by burying this completely pointless page in the help file to see if anyone finds it.
Your reward for enduring this string of platitudes and pointless observations is a short selection of some of my favourite quotable quotes -- you might like to use some of these in your variable signature, or, you might not... <grin>. Warning in advance - some of these quotes are probably not very politically correct, so if you're a pious or self-righteous person, you should probably stop reading this screen right now and return to your mail.
Definitions
Philosopher (n): a blind person in a dark room looking for a black hat that is not there.
Garden (n): a thing of beauty and a job forever.
Erotic (adj): using a feather as a sex aid.
Kinky (adj): using the whole duck.
Newspaper glitches
"Ghana is to change over to driving on the right.
The change will be made gradually."
"Police recover stolen hamster, arrest 3."
"Bush orders Army troops to U.S. Virgins."
Quotes from famous people
"Wagner's music is better than it sounds."
-- Mark Twain.
"Each time a New Zealander leaves for Australia the IQ of both countries goes up."
-- Rob Muldoon
"It's not the men in my life that count; it's the life in my men."
-- Mae West
Signs seen around the world
"Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts."
-- Seen in a Tokyo bar
"Stop: drive sideways."
-- Detour sign seen in Kyushi, Japan
"Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."
-- Seen on the menu of a Swiss Restaurant
"Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion."
-- Seen on the menu of a Polish hotel
And finally
Remember, even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat...
Pegasus Mail System
When you find a big kettle of crazy, it's best not to stir it.
--Dilbert cartoon
"Interplay.some zombiefied unlife thing going on there" - skavenhorde at RPGWatch
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veteran
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veteran
Joined: Jun 2003
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This one looks funny. Sorry it is in french. ci on prend plusieur patche pour dd le jeux plantera moin ou plus ???????????? hehe! Ah, yeah, the Master-Slave thinggy. Good one, Gareth.. err Draghermosran <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />
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veteran
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veteran
Joined: Mar 2003
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Kejero, I was just reading the quotes you quoted. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> They are priceless ! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> I almost burst into tears by laughing ! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" /> The quotations are so terribly stupid ! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />
When you find a big kettle of crazy, it's best not to stir it.
--Dilbert cartoon
"Interplay.some zombiefied unlife thing going on there" - skavenhorde at RPGWatch
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veteran
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veteran
Joined: Mar 2003
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I was searching for something from my own chat archives which could fit in here. (German Chat, that is, with Forummembers from here.) Well, most of the things don't fit that good, except this one (translated) : (Alric was me, and the other one was from the german forum-part; for security reasons I won't reveal the name of the other person <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" /> ) Alric : Do you know how to quit the chat here ? OtherPerson : no Alric : you write .quit [OtherPerson left channel _Lichtung] Alric : EXACTLY this way ! Alric : Well, that was it for today [Alric left channel _Lichtung] Note : This chat is Java-driven and it's possible there to use .quit there instead of /quit.
When you find a big kettle of crazy, it's best not to stir it.
--Dilbert cartoon
"Interplay.some zombiefied unlife thing going on there" - skavenhorde at RPGWatch
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![[Linked Image from squirrel.ovh]](https://squirrel.ovh/smilies/bartanewban-sm.jpg)
