Poems from 28. June 2005
Expression of my momentary state of feelings.
Written in a sunny park, between around 18.30 and 19.00 (rough estimation).
Turn the pagesTurn the pages
My heart is fragmented to the soul
My core resists.
I feel torn in too many defense battles
I feel torn into my self.
Heart, can you hear me ?
I’m without any echo, without any sound.
I’m used to give all my hope
and keep no hope for myself.
I’m in the unpleasant fate
of a Healer who needs be healed himself.
I can’t work anymoree, because my spirit is broken.
So turn your pages,
close the book
and look no more at me.
Note : A variation reads “and to keep no hope for myself”.
"Turning the pages" is a theme found in the Alan Parson's Project ("Old and Wise" and elsewhere ) and in Fleetwood Mac ("Little Lies").
TornThe sweet bitterness is creeping,
the scent of a wounded heart fills the room.
You cannot sense the blood of the bleeding heart
because your senses are numb.
I cry out for help - my spirit sends message -
but with no-one to hear
everything is in vain.
I’m only blossoming in the nightshade
where the bitterness of the sweet
bittersweet
scent flows freely away.
No-one to take me home.
I’m living - yet - in the darkness -
- where no-one can hear me or see me
- feel mercy -
no need to see my ugly self.
I feel torn, the blood fills the floor,
and when it’s dried,
my heart is empty.
So let me smell the sweet smell
of my long, slowly painful death
- until I’m gone.
But wait ! There’s the sunrise ahead ...
Notes :
This one is more difficult.
First, the variations :
The part beginning with “I’m living” and ending with “ugly self” was put into it after the text was completed or near completion. So this small part doesn’t exactly sound in the same style as the rest.
The word “numb” was in the original “nunb”, which sounded better, but was literally uncorrect (numb is the correct word for what I meant).
The line “scent flows freely away” hadn’t the “away” in the first place. Was added.
The fragment “- yet - ” basically means “still”.
Second : Inspirational sources.
Everyone knowing the album “The lamb lies down on Broadway” by Genesis will find familiar details. The overall picture is inspired by one of my favourite songs of that album “The Lamia”, in which also “the bitter harvest of a dying bloom” is depicted. This was in fact my overall theme of this poem : A plant with a blossom (flower) that dies, and sends out a last, bittersweet scent which also includes the hint to the flower’s death.
But - there is one last chance of hope : The sunrise. The saying “But wait !” is nearly exactly “taken from” the song “Dusk” by Genesis (from the album Trespass”). I wrote “taken from” , because I wasn’t sitting in the park with the lyrics of all Genesis albums within reach. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" /> It is my style to often use fragments from other artists which I acknowledge and respect, in a similar way as modern musicians use samples from other artists in their music. To me, this is a symbolic way of saying “I like and acknowledge your work. I have respect for the great wealth of it and wish to show it to others (by using these fragments in this way)”.
The sunrise might wash away anything dark - like my often used picture of Darkness as a symbol for Depression. When the sunlight washes it away, redeems the person, healing might occur. Another theme is that of a vampire or other evil being that will disappear (turn into dust or so) when exposed to direct sunlight. The protagonist of the poem actually considers himself such an “evil being”, “evil” in the sense of “ugly, bad”. He has two choices in the sunlight : Be healed or turn into dust.
Okay, I guess this is a full-blown interpretation of that <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" /> ( I have never before ( I think) written an interpretation for my own works ! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> ) , so I hope you understand this “poem” much more than before. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />
On with the show :
BreakLove is so far away ...
I feel lost, without a trace ...
shipwrecked, isolated,
taken away from beauty and wonderfullness.
My heart’s broken
- fragmented -
it needs the tender hand of a lover ...
- to bring all the pieces back into their place.
What a cruel irony of fate ! :
I wanted to be a Healer ... -
- now I need Healing myself.
I believe I have failed.
(They deserve me no more.)
I gave all my hope to the others away
- never got a piece help back.
I’m fighting against my drowning in emptiness ...
- visit me in Drowning Street No. 10.
[fade]
so far away ...
so far away ...
so far away ...
[fade / repeat]
Notes :
First : Variations.
“(They deserve me no more.)” can be omitted.
[By the way, where does the word “omit” come from ?]
The line “-never got a piece help back” can be changed into : “Never got a piece back of my help.”
Even the word “help” can be omitted.
Second : For the performer :
The lines between [fade] and [fade/repeat] should be trwted like lines in a fading song, while they (the three lines) are repeated during fading. As a block.
Third : Inspirational Sources.
Again : Genesis. The “fighting against” is a fragment that appears with a similar message in “The eleventh earl of mar”. The word “shipwrecked” comes from the song “shipwrecked”, which describes imho fairly well the state of being ... well, shipwrecked. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" /> I mean isolated, outcast, lonely, all these emotions.
The last line “- visit me in Drowning Street No. 10” is in its “texture” a hint to a section in “Dancing with the moonlit knight” :
“Paper late !” cries a voice in the crowd.
“Old man dies !” the note he left was signed
“Old Father Thames” - it seems he’s drowned;
selling england by the pound.
I tried to use it in the same “ductus” like in this song and in “Aisle of plenty”, both on the album “Selling england by the pound”.
Last, two simple experiments (word-games) :
Break II [Fragmented]Heartbreak
Breakdown
Teardown
Downfall
Falldown
.
Diedown
Dropdown
Drowndown
(Darktown)
No-one.
Break III [Fragmented to none]Break my Eyes,
Break my Skin,
Break my Voice,
Break my Bones,
Break my Will,
Break my Heart,
Break my Spirit,
Break my Soul,
Break my Self,
Then there’s nothing left of me anymore.
Notes to Break II :
The second part (beginning with “diedown”) was added a few minutes later. So You could - if you wish to do so - read the “poem” as only consisting of the first part. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />
The part “[Fragmented]” was *originally* meant as a description of the whole “poem” itself . It’s literally fragmented into single words, and not even fully formed out. Later, I got the idea to treat the “[Fragmented]” as a kind of sub-title. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />
So I actually wrote “[Fragmrnted to none]” as a kind of sub-title to “Break III”.
As I found out during writing of “Break III”, it reminded me of a theme found in Mike Oldfield’s song “gimme back” : A human consists of various parts of the body ...
These experiments have no deeper meaning - except what you see. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />
Finally, as you can see, I often toss fragments and words and experiments around. Nearly *every* poem is unique to me, because it’s an experiment. That isn’t not so much true for my short stories, simply because they need more work. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />
I tend to rather write poems when I’m feeling sick (depressive) but when I feel good, I rather write stories. They’re much more fun to me ! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />
Alrik.
