Alrik, although Whitefox may have all the subtly and diplomacy of a shark attack, she does have valid points which are worth taking on board. I think it�s great that you�ve got all your back history worked out and have some idea of Who? What? Why? Where? This is important for creating a good grounding for your stories. It is certainly very admirable that you are attempting to be creative in another language, because god knows most people struggle to do that in their native one!
What you need to concentrate on most is form and structure. As Winterfox mentioned you are very repetitive in your information giving, and while information on the sights, sounds, smells etc. of a place are important for creating an emotive mental picture, too much information (especially if it�s repeated) can annoy the reader. While you�re trying to master the form I�d suggest that for now, less is more. Although, if you want to see an example of lots of information used to produce an incredible emotive sensory picture then try reading Perfume, by Patrick Suskind.
In fact, I�d say reading is the most important thing a writer can do, aside from actually getting something down on paper. It can help you recognise the styles that certain writers adopt, the words and phrases they use, how they structure their sentences, how they approach dialogues etc. Reading around your subject, for example history, folklore, science, ecology can also be a big inspiration and widen your overall knowledge pool.
Hope that is of some help
