This will be my last post in this discussion.
That strange post ... well, I had to "write something off my soul" , so to say. I don't know any better expression for that in English. I just wanted to show (in a way) what this discussion has caused within me.
I'm currently undergoing a process of deep self-analysis, for several weeks now.
I've come to a point where something broke me ... where someone tells me that "I
m a looser". I don't know where this comes from, but I still remember scenes from my childhood. Even scenes where my favourite character was Donald Duck, the "everlasting looser".
It might be that someone said this to me, or even I did it myself.
Remember the shattered glass lying in my bleeding wound ? That is what's left of my self-confidence.
However, no matter which direction I explore into my self, I come to this point : "I'm a looser". It doesn't matter anyway where it comes from, but it is there - and hinders my from developing a healthy self-confidence. Realizing how long it was there (childhood ?) I learn that I couldn't develop healthy self-confidence for a very long time now. That explains why I have so great difficulties in telling my weaknesses from my strengths; in fact, I don't seem to have any strengths at all, and all of the weaknesses seemingly mnuch bigger than they should be, I guess. That's why I react so strange, sometimes.
Even worse, my only point in my self where I could grow a healthy self-confidence so far was that writing. I had always thought I was good at it, my only strength, but it has crumbled to dust now, with this discussion. I have no strengths anymore. I have no (healthy) self-confidence anymore.
So where could I turn my self to ? Nowhere, because I'm a looser. There are no strengths, there are only weaknesses. And all because I'm a looser.
The glass is bleeding again in my wound, in my soul, and more fiercly than ever.
Wow, Alrik! I had no idea you felt this way and since I've been in that space many years ago, I do understand what you're going through. Without the benefit of meeting you in real life, I think you're being a bit harsh on yourself. I've left you some very positive messages about your ability to read, write and speak in more than one language. That, IMHO, is a strength. And you have other strengths, too. Other people have left you very positive feedback. Why do you focus on the negative?
Alrik, you've got a lot going for you. I only wish you could see the wonderful person that I do. I saw several positive points to The Adorant, but I never sat down and gave you a critique. And, I've said this numerous times already, the feedback you received was not tempered with positive reinforcement.
Please keep in mind whatever feelings you have about your self-image and weaknesses are temporary. They will pass. Life is about growth. It's about change. If I were you, I'd put The Adorant away for a month or so. Come back to it at a later time and view it with fresh eyes. Post it in its original German translation at a writer's site (not a gaming site). I'm sure you'll receive more appropriate feedback than what you received here. You do have the ability to write. I think you have a gem of a storyline. It's just not ready for publication. And perhaps you never want it to be published -- and that's fine too!
I'm sorry to see you go and I'm hoping you will change your mind. I've tried to be as positive as I could with my messages to you. I guess they didn't make much of an impact and frankly, that saddens me. I feel as though I have failed you somehow. I apologize. It also bothers me that you've taken one person's words to heart. Happiness and self-esteem are things you cannot find outside of yourself. They dwell within you. It's a matter of finding them and in time, I'm more than positive you will.
Faralas <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/mage.gif" alt="" />
