The only true way to stop abuse is to stop the chain of abuse. In this I have failed, because I am no longer in my sons life on a regular basis, only see him a once in a while. I fear I have caused him some emotional abuse by not being there for him. In the future I WILL be in his life. Right now I must do what I have to do so that one day I can be in his life again. To put the wondering minds at rest, NO I did not sexually abuse my son. I drank and did drugs, in my opinion this was just as bad.
No - it's not as bad. I won't say it isn't bad; but never as bad as being a sexual predator.
Perhaps if you're strong enough now - you can write him and tell him (if he's old enough) why you aren't in his life right now? Again if you're strong enough - maybe you could write him a letter once every two weeks? Or even once a month? Baby steps - but very important ones. He needs to be convinced that it isn't his fault you aren't in his life - children will think it is because of them (remember how black & white the world is for them? Very few shades of grey.)
I know all of this depends on whether or not his mom would read/give it to him or not. Hope she is supportive.
Remember - you were a child when your father did his abuse and were in no way responsible for his actions. You're right - the only way to stop abuse is to break the "cycle". The best way to do that IMO is to realize that you are NOT your father and you won't do what he did because you know in your heart that you won't.
My father was a drunk, and both physically and verbally abusive. The sad part for me was - it was easier to "forgive" him then it was my mother - his co-dependant. I felt like she should have stopped him. Short version - is I am not any of those things, while my sister (6 years older) is both physically and verbally abusive to her children and grandchildren. It's all about choices.
Hopefully I haven't sounded to "preachery" (if that is even a word). Please forgive me if I have.
