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I believe it was well written. Nothing I would want to read though. Maybe concentrating more on descriptive writing instead of so much dialogue might help. Right now it just reads a bit like a screenplay.
No offence of course. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Yeah, I've been meaning to go back and add in more detail to the previous chapters.

I don't know if anyone notised, but I tried to be more descriptive in the last couple of chapters as opposed to the first six. I'm not saying I was successful, but I tried.

When I first started out, it was just something fun to do for myself to let off some creative energy and a lof of anger (don't ask, it's a long story I don't want to think about.) but a coupel friends I mentioned it to wanted to read it so I showed it to them, and I've been taking it more seriously since then.

I just haven't had much time lately with work and all this week.

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true, I missed detail, for instance describe his truck, the treehouse, his guitar.


Sorry, I just figured certain things had a universal description. Like a treehouse being a goofy looking wood structure with a roof.

I've actually been working on a description of the truck in chapter nine.

If anyone has any other suggestions, I'd be happy to fix it up.

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yes the guitar.... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" /> humbuckers or not? XL's or lights? Peavy or Marshall?
sustain or reverb? crossover or phaser, and lastly.... stereo or mono? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />


Er, they were in a treehouse in the middle of the woods. It's accoustic :P

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Here's what I get when I click on the link:

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Due to an inordinate amount of abuse, visitors to
this free account from your region or
country have been restricted.

If you are the owner of this site, you may upgrade to Platinum, which will allow all countries to view your site, as well as remove all advertising from your pages and increase your bandwidth.

For more information, please visit http://www.250Free.com/platinum.php


Well, if you want I could email it to you. I've been workigno n getting my site off the banned list so anyone can view it.

"I've never been a lover, I've always been a fighter. It's high time I fight for love instead of the usual crap reasons I fight for, like my own pride" -- A wise guy