Ok found the answer so this thread can be closed <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shame.gif" alt="" />
> 1. Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Because it activates pigment in skin and burns it out in hair. Also, tanned
blonds are sexier.
> 2. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
What else can women do with their mouth closed?
> 3. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Because it doesn't hit air.
> 4. Why don't you ever see the headline Psychic Wins Lottery?
Because there ain't such a thing?
> 5. Why is abbreviated such a long word?
For the same reason that phonetic isn't spelled phonetically.
> 6. Why is a boxing ring square?
Because a boxer can't go back to their corner in a round ring.
> 7. Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
In case the pall bearer slips.
> 8. Why is it that doctors call what they do practice?
In this group that should be obvious. (making this one statement was the
whole reason I bothered to answer this post).
> 9. Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
Rain moves faster.
> 10. Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on Start?
You are starting a shutdown process. That, and Bill Gates needs to hire me
as a human factors expert (I used to design computer interfaces).
> 11. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you
turn down the volume on the radio?
You do? Maybe it is so you can pay more attention with fewer distractions.
>
> 12. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing
liquid made with real lemons?
Money.
> 13. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
If you had mine, that'd be obvious too.
> 14. Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
Because it measures seconds.
> 15. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Because everyone's in a rush
> 16. Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
There is too a name for the tops of your feet. It is a medical name,
however, and isn't in as common usage as the sole.
> 17. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
We don't want to encourage them bringing mice as rewards to us.
> 18. Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
Sure. Skinny refers to skin, rather than stature.
> 19. If you throw a cat out of the car window, does it become kitty
litter?
I'm not sure. Do this one hundred times and let me know what the results
look like and I'll give you a more definitive answer (can you tell that I'm
not fond of cats?)
> 20. If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
Find one that breathes and I'll get you your answer.
> 22. Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
Yes, since AM stands for amplitude modulation. By the same token, I had an
AM voice but had to trade it in on an FM voice because with my AM voice, I'd
fade out whenever driving through tunnels.
> 23. What do chickens think we taste like?
Human flesh. Given a chance, they would eat us too.
> 24. What do people in China call their good plates?
I can't spell it on the usenet without using international characters, and
learning Chinese.
> 25. What do you call a male ladybug?
A transvestite? Seriously, it is still a ladybug.
> 26. What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
The color of their eyebrows.
> 27. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Dogs.
> 28. Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Bugs didn't require the ark to survive.
> 29. Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Habit.
> 30. Why do they call it a pair of pants, but only 1bra?
Marketing.
> 31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
We can't?
> 32. Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't
drink and drive?
To prove your age.
> 33. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? i iz hukt on fonix
For the same reason that abbreviation is such a long word.
> 34. Why are there Interstates in Hawaii?
Because of the law that brought the Interstate Highway system into
existence, which incidentally existed prior to Hawaii becoming a state. The
reason we have that is so that airplanes have a place to land during war
time. Further, you will always find at least a one-mile stretch of straight
road every five miles on any freeway (or at least you're supposed to).
Finally, the freeway was invented in Detroit by Henry Ford, who built the
first one during the war, to get folks from his plant in Dearborn (at the
intersection of what is now Michigan Avenue and I-94) out to Willow Run
Airport (which isn't the one they just rebuilt), which is where they built
the most airplanes during the war.
Ask a Mensan a silly question.
> 35. Why are there flotation devices in the seats of planes instead of
parachutes?
Because you wouldn't know how to use the parachute anyway.
> 36. Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?
The same reason they sell booze there - because they can.
> 37. Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?
No.
> 38. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
He goes in early, and drives a VW Rabbit (so goes the advertisement).
>
> 39. If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why does it
have locks on the door?
In case someone is sick, or in case the store has a power failure and has to
close anyway.
> 40. You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
It would never fly, and the folks inside would still die from the collision
forces even if the plane held together.
> 41. If a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime, what
does a freedom fighter fight?
That depends on who wins the war, as they write the history. Then again, a
bus stops at a bus station, a train stops at a train station, and on my desk
is a workstation.
> 42. If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby oil?
If you squeeze Olive Oyl, Popeye gets mad. Baby oil isn't made of babies,
nor can you make babies out of baby powder.
> 43. If a cow laughs, does milk come out of her nose?
No one has ever told a funny enough joke to find out.
> 44. If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn your
headlights on, what happens?
You have already disintegrated driving that fast, so you don't have time to
turn on your lights.
> 45. Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of a drive-up ATM?
So blind folks being driven by the cab driver don't have to give out their
PIN number.
> 46. Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called
shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
Because phonetic isn't spelled as it sounds. By the same token, we drive on
parkways and park on driveways.
> 47. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Their fur does. Their bodies don't
> 48. What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?
That depends on if he had a parachute or a flotation device <grin>.
> 49. Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Because the neighbors are apart from each other (but not by much).
> 50. If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Have you ever WATCHED Congress?
> 51. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
For the same reason they still call a women's prison a penal colony.
Gary (I swear I answered these in a linear manner) Rimar
Last edited by Morbo; 03/05/04 07:36 PM.
