I had both problems you did. First, I didn't get the cut scene (therefore no option to tickle the spider). Do you have a saved gave right before you walked over to that area? I reloaded the one before, it was only by a couple minutes, and when I approached after applying the creme (from my inventory, btw, I grabbed all the bottles way earlier) I got the tickle option.
Then, when I tickled his right side, he attacked! I also had to tickle the left to get him to follow me.
Try using a saved game right before; it may just be that new one that is buggered, that is what it was for me.