Perhaps Australians are the only ones who'll get the joke above, so:
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"You can’t escape, Beckham, you’ll have to come up for air eventually...."
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or
Dear Mattel,
The Players Association loves your ‘Cricket Barbie’ concept, but there does seem to have been a slight misunderstanding about what the wickets are used for. Also, rain is not actually a compulsory element of the game…
