Hi everyone! Dropped in for a moment and noticed this very interesting topic and couldn't help but add my impressions.
First I want to say that although I definitely enjoy writing, that I don't consider myself a pro; however, I do consider myself a "professional" reader <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />.
Having said that - I would like to say that I have only read this page (due to limited free time) so I am basing my unsolicited opinion only on the passage above. First, I would like to say that it was very well written; however, as a reader I received no sense of emotion at all. Have you ever seen
2001: Space Odyssey with Hal the computer? And how he has that almost emotionless voice? That is how it translated in my head as I was reading it. When reading for enjoyment I want something that engages my senses - the more I am involved with the characters, whether they bring me to laughter or tears - the better I enjoy it. You want your readers to feel what your main character is feeling (and when you use your first person voice "I" that person is the character your readers try to more closely identify with). Of course, being a female reader - I probably want all that "touchy feely" stuff - even if it has a male bias to it.
Hmmm, have you considered letting the creature be a male for a thousand years and then a female for a thousand years? Again, since I have only read this page I am not sure this is a possibility or not. I have the impression that the creature is immortal unless it meets with some sort of fatal "accident" so it is certainly possible that it could morph between the two sexes.
So here I am hoping you don't think me too presumptuous for offering my humble opinion (but giving it anyway <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" /> ). <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wave.gif" alt="" />
