Imp-possible Jokes
Joke 1
A Deathnight, a Human and an Imp were about to be executed. The guard brought the first prisoner, the Deathnight, forward and the executioner asked if he had any last requests. He said no and the executioner shouted:
"... Ready ... Aim ... !! and suddenly the Deathnight yelled,
"EARTHQUAKE!" Everyone was startled and looked around. He escaped.
So they brought up the Human and asked if she had any last requests. She said no, and the executioner shouted: "... Ready ... Aim ...!! and suddenly the Human yelled "TORNADO!" Everyone was startled and looked around. She escaped.
Well, by now, the Imp had it all figured out. They brought him forward and the executioner asked if he had any last requests. He said no and the executioner shouted:
"... Ready ... Aim ... !! and the Imp yelled, "FIRE!" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />
Joke 2
An Imps pet Floogfrog died. When his friend came to visit and found him inside his hut with the dead Floogfrog he volunteered to go bury the animal. After several hours the bereaved Imp was wondering what was taking his friend so long to bury the animal so he went outside to investigate. He saw several holes in his backyard and the body of his beloved Floogfrog on the ground still unburied. He walked up to his friend who was busy digging another hole and asked him what he was doing. His friend replied he was digging a hole to bury the Floogfrog. The grieving Imp looked around at all the holes in the ground and asked his kind friend what was wrong with the other holes. Without raising his head from his work the digging Imp replied that none of them were deep enough. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Joke 3
There was once an Imp and a Deathnight and a Human and there was this magical slide. The Genie of the slide said to them, "I grant you a wish when you slide down this magical slide." The Deathnight slid down the slide and shouted "GOLD!!!" and he landed in a pile of gold. The Human slid down the slide shouted "SILVER!!!" and landed in a pile of silver. The Imp went down the slide and thought it was fun so he said "WEE!!!" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />
Joke 4
A Deathnight and his pet Tibar went into a bar. When the bartender asked for the Deathnights order, the Deathnight looked at him sternly and asked if they served Imps. A bit concerned at this the bartender said yes of course they did, they served all kinds of creatures at which the Deathnight said he’d have a pint of beer for himself and an Imp for his pet Tibar. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" />
Joke 5
An Imp goes into a hardware store and asks for a pound of grapes. The shopkeeper looks at him in surprise and tells him that they don’t sell grapes. The next day the same Imp goes back to the same hardware store and again asks for a pound of grapes. The shopkeeper once more tells him they don’t sell grapes. On the third day the Imp goes back to the hardware store again and again asks for a pound of grapes. The storekeeper is getting annoyed and tells the Imp sternly that this is a hardware store and they don’t sell grapes, the Imp just smiles and leaves. On the fifth day the Imp goes back to the hardware store and again asks for a pound of grapes, the storekeeper is getting fed up with this Imp and yells at the Imp that they don’t sell grapes, and that it's a hardware store and they sell hardware not grapes. On the sixth day…. You got it the Imp returns to the hardware store and asks for a pound of grapes. By this time the shopkeeper has no patience left and is furious and threatens to nail the Imps ears to the counter if he comes in once more asking for a pound of grapes. On the seventh day the Imp comes into the hardware store and to the shopkeepers surprise asks if he had any nails. The shopkeeper looks for some nails, thinking he’s finally going to make a sale to this Imp but finds he sold the last bag just a few minutes ago so he tells the Imp he’s sorry he doesn’t have any nails left, so the Imp says that’s ok and asks for a pound of grapes. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/beyond.gif" alt="" />
