As to self-confidence: When I was younger, I wasn't even able to look up when walking a street. (Somebody might notice me...) And if somebody looked at me I blushed. Inevitably. It was hell. In school, I always got very good marks for my written tests, and the worst possible for my oral contribution. Even if I knew something, I just could not speak in front of all those people (my classmates, the teacher,...). <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/puppyeyes.gif" alt="" /> I thought I was stupid, ugly, different.
Yes, that reminds me of my youth, when I was at school. Things were similar, then.
And yes, I've already acknowledged that I'm often too hard with my self. I cannot forgive mistakes / faults / failures as aesily as you probably can do.
Well, about writing ... : I think I'm still able to do that. Well, last week (around the time when I was reading the above mentioned book), I had the horrible thought and feeling as if my hands would NOT let me write stories down anymore ! This feeling was like a ... boycott, or how it's spelled. Absolutely horrible.
I digged deeper and noticed why : Not because of the criticizm itself, but because of the hurt, the woulds it inflected in me - because I'm so hard to my self : A burned child fears the fire ! - That's how the saying goes. If I'll burn my self again, I'll cry out in pain, to paint it as a picture.
On the other hand, I would ever be able to write my "poems" down, which resemble much more my own "voice". I have much more experience in them, and since they are expressing rather my own "voice", there wouldn't be much to criticize there, I believe.
Anyway, that's not really the theme here; the theme is rather : How do I build up a normal, healthy self-confidence ? That's what I don't understand. And it stands apart from any criticism.
