Byblos, you say that life isn't worth it without her. Why is your worth in someone else? I think like you do as well. I'm careful at what I accept because I keep my promises. But the person you made that promise with doesn't exist anymore. Her body's still inhabited, but if she's changed so much that you don't matter in her life, then she's not who you loved. You fell in love with someone who cared about you. The promise can no longer be fulfilled.

Doctors promise to save your loved one, but when they die, the doctors give up and move on. They don't keep pumping drugs into a corpse in case some miricle occurs.

Honestly, counselling is an alright option. I had only one session after breaking up with Alex. It helped imesnely. He didn't solve any of my problems but helped me see them in another way so I could solve them.

Quote
BEing alone my entire life wasnt by choice. I struggle with it but if you ask me to dance, even alone. It would be impossible, not physically but my mind just wont let it happen. I dont talk or do anything in public places but be silent

Why are you silent. I'd take a guess that you're scared of finding someone other than MT. You are denying that you are single. "Couples don't act in the way you'd like to." Only if you say it's so. Coupled people can dance with others and have fun with others and even platonically share a bed with someone of the opposite sex, but only if you say you can. You set the rules in your life. If God sets your rules then have a careful look at them and see if he really is stopping you from taking what benefit you can from life.