After Alex and I broke up, I ended up with an ex-girlfriend, Nat. I ended up with her because she was there for me when things between me and Alex were falling apart. I was there because I wanted what I had with Alex. That was the biggest mistake. It was a long distance relationsihp. She was at Uni, just over the border. It was torturous after having broken up with Alex and then being in a difficult (and false) relationship.

Like I do with everything i can in life, I made the best of it. It hurt my heart. It hurt my wallet. But it fixed my self and my soul in a way that couldn't have happend if I stayed with Alex.

I visited Nat a few times. She was living in a rural town, Wagga Wagga. Just before I went up for the last time, we broke up because it was just too difficult. I went up anyway. I'd already spent a lot on the train tickets and Alex was moving her stuff out of the house that weekend. I just needed to be away. That weekend, I took the advice of another forum member here. I went for a walk and sat down for a while. I didn't look at what made my unhappy, that was obvious. I looked at what used to make me happy, completely excluding any other people. What did I do alone that made me happy? I started running. I ended up running right out of town. Then it started raining. So I took my shirt off and danced around. I felt great! Despite visiting a recent (again) ex, it was the holiday I needed.

I'd found parts of my self that were long lost, parts I hadn't even realised I'd lost. Since then i've recovered so much more and built on top of it. Sometimes you don't know what you've got until it's gone. Other times you don't know what's gone until you get it back.

It sucks she's gone. I feel for you there. Be angry. Be sad. Just don't live in the past.

Take a holiday, even if it's just going to the middle of nowhere for a day. Just think about yourself; not MT, not friends, not past loves, just yourself. Think what parts of you matter to you. You won't find your answers with anyone else. Others can guide or suggest, but you will have to find them alone.

Also, please feel free to PM me if you want to. Strangers are sometimes the best people to talk to. You can trust them to not judge you or to not tell your friends. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />