I think punishment with no explanation is wrong. A child has to know why he was smacked. Punishment should never go too far either. Another common problem in 'problem' families.
I understand your point of view, Womble - but I still think punishment (verbal/physical/psychic ) is not constructive. I believe in showing up consequences. Locking a kid up at all night is cruel as well, I'm glad we agree in this <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" /> With exception of the "smack" as you said - I used explanation - and if I understood you correctly, this should be included, right? Smack+explanation. I go for this => explanation+consequences
I do know that my way of explaining/consequences is tedious though, requires a lot of discipline and patience. Therefore I chose to have no kids myself
My sisters and I were brought up in a wealthy environment with a lot of priviledges - and in a terrible climate of violence and oppression as well (be it my strict parents or the countries I lived in). So, my XP lead to my result - as subjective as your XP leads to yours <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />
Kiya
No clue why the kids stopped clubbing the cats - maybe they found better victims? Or maybe my talking to them helped?
I made it clear to them that I would not tolerate it any further and would go to the police if they didn't stop. I explained, why I did not want it - I told them, the strays were under my protection - and their parents would get into trouble, as under 14-year-olds can't be "sued" in German laws - their parents can. And finally I told them - I would know how their parents (father) would react => with violence. I told them - "you've got a choice" => violence+my consequences - or non-violence and peace with me.
I don't know, I enjoy the result. Since nearly 2 yrs now. Has violence stopped between the kids? Nope <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/puppyeyes.gif" alt="" /> - I'm waiting for the next winter now...
As for kids/youths in the library => same procedure => 1st warning + explanation of consequences - consequence (out for the day) - or out for a year. But we do this in clearly defined steps we are willing to undertake then. Endless discussions and no consequences are futile spent time IMO.
