Larian Studios Forums General Chat Chat (Anything) The Serious Topic or GIT (part 2)

Okay, I'll start it off even though I know
I'll fall flat on my face here.


How would you feel if you came home and found your
significant other in bed with another person?
But I'm not done yet, let's also say you are just as guilty,
but you haven't been caught yet.
Why would it bother you so much if you are just as guilty?


Like I said, out of the comfort zone topic.
Anyone can participate in this topic;
simply add your thoughts to this discussion topic.

Tsel


EDIT: Just use the same rules as the original GIT thread.
If you don't know those rules just jump in cold turkey. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

If I came home and found my right arm in bed with another preson I would be kind of shocked <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />... (I mean, just picture this (with your arm, not mine...))

Alternative contence:

Since I don't have much experience on this kind of thing, I'll only pop in with interesitng ideas now and then <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />.

Oh, and if anyone DARES to share their thoughts and experiences on this, it will probablly be pretty interesting.

Übereil

Ubereil

If your right arm would be in bed with another person it would be great.
Because it would mean that you have found a girlfriend. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/XmasJump.gif" alt="" />
No reason to be shocked.

Barta

You're assuming it's in bed with a girl...

I realize only a handful of hours have past since I first posted this, but in the lack of serious responses I am going to have to assume that actions like this is common everyday acceptable behavior and to treat ones beloved in this way is totally okay.

I also posed this question; because, many here wanted to have serious, deep, intellectual discussions. I guess those comments were only words that meant nothing and held no value.

I'll resign myself back to simply posting links and pictures.

Tsel

No, I was just giving mine some more thought. It's hard to think when I'm at work.

It's a tricky one because I've been in similar positions before. I really don't know how I'd react. If things get to the point where we're doing that, the relationship wouldn't last anyway. It probably had failed some time ago and we just hadn't admitted it. If I cheated on someone it would be because I wanted to leave them and didn't have the courage to do it alone.

With my last girlfriend, things were bad for years. I wanted escape routes because I couldn't bare to leave her and be alone. I actively tried to cheat on her at one point, after I'd already decided I was leaving. The silly girl I made a move on was too bloody blind to see my interest, and I knew she was interested and she knew I was interested. I didn't end up leaving her after all. Then my girlfriend went and did exactly the same thing, but succeeded.

After that, we did remain friends (under shakey circumstances). Eventually, I fell in love with her again and found a way to win her back. Why, after all the [nocando] she put me through? Love sucks sometimes. So that lasted another 10 months before she went and did it again. She's not worth the trouble any more.

The only thing I wanted after that was for her to find out what it was like to lose all your support and have to learn how to cope by yourself, and not just bounce from boyfriend to boyfriend. I don't care for her anymore, just that the five years we had together isn't in vain.

HEF >

Thank you.

I realize this subject will bring up a lot of past pains
in many of us.
Please, do not let that be your albatross.
It takes great courage to talk about this subject
and everyone who does I applaud you all.

This topic is not asking you to reveal your name,
where you live or anything like that.
It is only a means to express your views whether experienced or not.
They are your views and moral topics are my best to discuss.
So I started this thread off on a moral topic.

Many, many years ago my first love cheated on me with another.
Even after so many years I have never gotten over that.
Now, sadly, all women suffer for what someone else has done to me.
It is very hard to trust again after something like that.
While I was in the military many men and women both cheated on their loves.
While I was on shore duty and my command deployed away,
as soon as the plane was in the air the spouses were piling up at the clubs
looking for their one night stands.
It broke my heart.
What surprised me is how many of them saw this as okay behavior;
hence, I bring this topic up here to see if this is the norm.

If any of you wish to play the devil advocate then do so.

I only started this thread with intellectual future discussions in mind.
Again, thank you HEF.

Tsel

if you couth your wife with another and you did it also (but she dididn't know it yet)

there are a few possibilties:
1) she DID know about it
2) there was difinately something wrong with the relationship for a while,
otherwise you wouldn't go (both) on an sexual adventure.

more info on the person sitting in your wife's bed
1) it could be your best friend
2) it's your brother


how i reacted?
normal...
if i do it , she can do too..because the respect is gone.
but if i go to another woman, the other woman will know this, because i sais this to her! and soo will i tell this to my wife

[color:"orange"]Why would it bother you so much, if you are just as guilty?[/color]

Is that the question? But then you assume, or even presume, that it does bother.

'You are just as guilty' - you are prejudicing a moral issue by implying 'guilt', on either side actually. Now, does this guiltfeeling come from within you, through your personal ethical standards - or is this some obscure moralizing that society has imbued you with? (Hard to distinguish at times, I concede)

What is 'bother'? - Hurt pride? Deceived trust? Loss of 'possession'?

Of course, if it would not bother you, the whole argument would be futile. You would be relieved to have 'shared guilt', and as such be able to switch from defending to accusing position (Even if only for yourself). I am not arguing that that would benefit the relation...

I personnally lack the experience of being caught in the act. I have been cheated, but found out (was told) only at a much later stage, when the crisis in the relationship not only had been overcome, but was at a stage where 'forgiving' was highly probable (or is this 'I had won' male vanity?). And I have been the one someone else (a stranger to me) was cheated with (I am talking of a 4 year relationship, not a spontaneous fit of lust). Did I feel 'guilt'? Not really - Did she? Well, let's say it was a burden in our relation, that we carried.

I've turned down countless chances to cheat on my gf because I'd never do that to her or anyone.

And I found that when I rejected any advance from someone else they got more determined, and at times it felt hard to stay faithful.

So because I'd never cheat, if I came home and found her with someone else I'm not sure what I'd do beyond throw her out and probably lose my temper altogether, taking my aggression out on him.

If I was cheating and caught her, well I'd act the same way as above, only, with much less conviction, because I know myself I'm cheating and that would dilute my feelings. Like when someone lies, you can sense the lack of conviction in their voice a lot of the time. Your emotions would be more in check but to keep the pretense of your cheating alive you'd probably throw her out or whatever but probably take her back eventually...

Of course it is a girl ! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/XmasJump.gif" alt="" />


<span class='standouttext'>Spoiler : </span><span class='spoiler'> Or maybe it is a transvestite. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/alien.gif" alt="" /></span>

Barta who doesn't forget Ub's silly jokes.

Thank you to all who has participated in this topic so far.

What is confusing to me is if someone, guy or girl,
cheats or is going to cheat, why don't they simply
get a divorce or break up before it comes to that?

I know some religions are highly against divorce,
but the alternative here seems so......
I can't find the words.
I hope you all know what I mean.

Tsel

[color:"orange"] ...why don't they simply get a divorce or break up before it comes to that? [/color]
- fear of 'rose war'
- lazyness
- family pressure
- society pressure
- children
- economic reasons
- practical reasons
- lack of scrupules
- residual value in the relation
- lack of self-awareness of the problems
- lack of self-honesty
-
-
-

...because in specific, individual circumstances it ain't simple?

EDIT: Trying to find a rational approach to an emotional (= irrational) problem is, I think, one of the basic issues.

@ HandE: Beats me...

@ Barta: maybe it's YOU <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />.

Now, let's drop this and go over to the serious topic...

@ Tsel's latest: About the religious thing: IF there is a god, I don't think he would like you to spend the rest of your life being married to someone you don't love, when you have someone out of marriage you love. A bit like Guinivere (sp?) and Lancelot.

And about the breaking up before: maybe they can't wait. Or maybe they simply lack the courage. Even though I don't have much experience, I recon breaking up with someone you've lived with for a long time and at one point loved isn't that easy.

@ Glance: About what bother is: Does it have to be so defined? You don't have to have a good definition on fysical pain to know that your finger hurts when you've cut it. Same with bother. In this case I think it referrs to conscience. And as you say, if it doesn't bother you, then whatever. But I think the thing here is that it does bother you. But still, you've done the same thing, so you get bad conscience for being bothered (and probably more) about it, despite the fact that you've done it yourself.

I think I had something else to say, but I seem to have forgotten it...

Übereil

That's not what I asked it for - that's why I gave potential answers with a question mark. But I do think it is something one should ask oneself and become aware of.


Not from my perspective - I have BEEN cheated in a relationship, and I was party to someone else cheating her relationship - I did not have another one at the time, for me it had been THE relation. Now whether my part in it was unreproachfully ethical or not, can be debated, granted - but it is a different issue in this context IMO.

It's very hard to break away from someone you loved, even if they have done something you can't seem to forgive them for.

You get emotionally tied to them.

Boy, ain't that the truth.

I think I spent 10 years of my life living with a Bourbon bottle, next to me
as my companion, until I finally started living again many years ago.
I don't think some stop to think what certain actions might do to others.

Which brings me back to, "Boy, ain't that the truth".

Tsel

That's a different thing IMO too. And I don't judge you, I was talking about the topic in general. Didn't think you would misunderstand me, but whue DO you think that <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />.

Übereil

Maybe it is early, but I do not see this topic progressing any further.
Thank you very much to:
HandEFood - Very Deep, Personal, and Touching.
the_bean - Straight Forward and to the point.
GlanceALot - Insightful and revealed a bit from a different side.
Plowking - Once again, boy ain't that the truth.
Ubereil - I liked your arm analogy.
and
Barta - for the comic relief Spoiler.

There was many thought provoking and enlightening answers posted.
You all should be starting the next thread in my eyes, but I can only pick one.

I'll past the torch off to GlanceALot.
[color:"yellow"]It's your pick of topic.[/color]

Again, thank you all who participated.

Tsel <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Strange thread ...

What's the Truth behind the Truth ?

And by the way, I can only *highly* suggest the Hat full of sky by Terry Pratchett ... not because of the first sight, not because of the second sight, but because of the third sight (or read, respectively <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" /> ) .