[color:"orange"] two of your best friends in a fight & none wants to lose. both wants u to choose Bush-style; either u're with me or u're against me. how do u make the choice & why? based on what? do u dare ask a friend to make choices u dare not take yourself? [/color]
In these cases, especially if I have nothing to see with the fight object, I refuse to side on either way. I let both know that I'm there for them whenever they might need/want me to, but that they won't involve me in their fight.
Is it a question of principle? Yes and no. Of course each case is unique, and the cause and context of the fight weights much in the balance; but the will to remain in a fight until the other one loses is rarely the solution. It brings more and more pain and no one gets out of it without blows.
So the only thing I do regarding the matter is to try to moderate them, slow the pace and try to find solutions, make them view the possibilities. Going further than that involves you directly and will most always raise the tension.
It is also a question of protection and respect towards you; making a choice you don't want to do is a kind of betrayal to yourself. In these cases I stick to one thing: as long as my reason doesn't agree with my feelings I don't make any step and continue to search; it's the way for me to take serene decisions. Since you only have power over your acts, minds and attitudes, you have to remain concious of what is in your power and what is not. That thing of "you're with me or against me" is not true. If you decide not to choose, you aren't against anyone; if you choose under the menace then you act against yourself.
If that person is angry after you for not siding and feels it like a betrayal, then he/she's a bit lacking of goodwill to solve the matter and of respect towards you, imho. And since that ressentiment is not legitimate, it might go away with time; that person will end up either coming back to you or go it's way, when he/she will be able to see the situation with enough persperctive. And you will have standed clean and won't have any regret.
Pain and violent feelings restrict one's view, and you, the only pain you'll go through is the helplessness and sadness of one seeing friends suffering and tearing themselves apart when he did all he could to at least ease the solving of the fight.
As for daring asking a friend to make a choice one wouldn't do itself, one can always ask... In these cases what is wrong imo is to expect/oblige the friend to answer/obey. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />
Personnally, I would not dare to ask such a question; I would even not dare to involve my friend further than asking him/her for his opinion about what can be my own responsility in the matter, what I could have done wrong and what I can do for that fight to end.
I hope this helps you a bit. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
