Larian Studios Forums General Chat Chat (Anything) "Sorry"

I have an interesting question. What does the word "sorry" mean to you? I notice that people use it a lot to mean all sorts of things.
"I'm sorry your mother died."
"I'm sorry I hurt you."
"I'm sorry I have to squeeze past you."
"I'm sorry that the train was late."
"I'm sorry you don't like what I'm doing."

In my mind, the only statement that makes sense is the second one. The rest seem like excuses. At work, when I'm working in a norrow corridor, I get frustrated by the third case. If you were really sorry, you'd go the other way instead of squeezing through again on your way back. I know they mean well and what they really mean is "excuse me."

While I've always believed that "sorry I hurt you" is the only correct usage, I think a lot of my recent conditioning came from my ex-. She frequently said sorry for things she did. It eventually became evident that she wasn't saying "sorry I hurt you", but rather "sorry the things I do hurt you." She had no intention of being more considerate, she just wanted an excuse to get out of it, give the illusion of consideration.

I've always been careful how I use the word "sorry". I don't see the need of living in regret. I learn from my mistakes (eventually, in some cases) and move on. That really pissed off one ex-girlfrind I cheated on (not intentionally.) I learned more about myself, and for that I wasn't sorry. I didn't like what I did to her and I know not to do it again, but I won't regret it. In hindsight, that probably was the right situation to say sorry.

In all, I guess this word is one of my pet peeves. I'm curious what other people think of it. Is it overused? Is it simple politeness?

Enjoy!

"I am sorry" in my opinion means "I am feeling pitiful, please forgive me".

But i can also use it in the opposite way.
For exemple if i say "I'm sorry you don't like what I'm doing", this means "I don't care you don't like what I'm doing" or "I am not sorry at all".

Barta

actually,

I'm sorry that the train was late = I feel bad about the train beeing late???

-> I'm sorry, the train was late = Excuse me for beeing late, the train was late.

sorry has many meanings, depending on context and phrasing many poeple mix it all up.

"Sorry" or "excuse me" are both often used for the "etiquette", as politeness formulas, nothing more, empty of their emotional meaning. "I'm sorry I have to squeeze past you." There are some cultures/languages (the ones that I know are Native American) where politeness formulas like "hello", "goodbye" or "sorry" (when not ment as a feeling) don't exist, and to whom it is a bit strange, nonsense.

Otherwise it can also mean "it is sad" or "I find it sad", without the regret, repenting aspect; to express concern like in "I'm sorry your mother died", "I'm sorry that the train was late" (and you had to wait for me) or "I'm sorry you don't like what I'm doing". Like in "I'm sorry I hurt you" that your cheated ex-girlfriend would maybe have expected (just an assumption): "I find it sad that I hurt you but I have no regret since it taught me about myself and I assume the consequences of it.
And it can be used in the way you use it, to express regret.

It seems to me that when people use it to express meant feelings, regret or not, they add something more to just "Sorry for..." (in conversations, at least).
But in any case, the most important is to understand and to be understood correctly, imho.

Interesting - colloquial sloppy use of an originally precise language?

'I am sorry' (from 'sorrow') to me (!) means that I have indeed a feeling of regret for what I am or was doing or of commiseration;

'Excuse me' is asking (in that wording demanding!) for forgiveness - it's mostly presumed to be granted, though that actually should not be self-evident.
(Simply test by answering 'NO' in any circumstance you're addressed with 'excuse me' - it baffles people all the time)

That is exactly why I have the opinion that foreigners new to a language are able to use it most precisely (at least if they've learned the words with the correct, true meaning) and are able to do word-games an "insider" cannot do anymore, because for the insider things are naturally.

Sorry is sorry in dutch, so we use it in english as we do in dutch.
- Regretting (I'm sorry I hurt you)
- Excusing (I'm sorry this happenend (when it's uncontrollable)
- Politeness, adressing (sorry, can I pass) wich would be pardon me in correct english. But We Flemmish use all 3 (sorry, pardon me, excuse me: "sorry, pardon, excuseer")

Is the word "sorry" not a little bit like the sentence "I love you"?
We say it over and over, and we mostly don't mean it really. I only say "I'm sorry" or "I love you" when I really mean it.
To me, the word "sorry" is only well if something happened that was your fault. Like saying "I'm sorry that your mother died" is kind of unlogical since you have no part in her dead. Also using that when you arrive too late at your job, because of the late train, is also nonsense to me. You can't help it, and for that you can't be sorry. At least, that is IMHO.
I'm only sorry when I hurt someone and I regret it later. But I guess that's it.
The proper thing to say after you said sorry (after stepping on someone toes), is to ask if you can do anything to make it up again.

maybe the best way is to feel it then say it?

only when u feel sorry (especially for yourself as that is most honest) then u say it out. otherwise it is as how HEF puts it; excuse, or has how Glance puts it; norm.

i have thought of that before but to tell people in ways other than using the word sorry is not easy. say the first part in HEF's list. sorry = regret? do we really? or we only sympathise? by the way, yes, i trivialise the word sympathy as it is also one of the most misused & abused words, much like sorry. sad to hear? are we really? such are attempts to empathise & if we are face to face with the person, would physical gesture be more honest than words? such as holding the person's shoulder(s), giving hug etc.

sorry is indeed misused.

on a somewhat related note I would like to quote Dennis Miller....

"Guilt is the feeling you get that keeps you from being a bigger A$$hole than you already are"

Thanks everyone. It's good to see how others see it. I can tell that my view is pretty much identical to Galadriel's. I know I'm pedantic, especially when it comes to English. It didn't help with me being moody for some time either.

@ HandEFood
You're not pedantic, a language is not as easy as it looks. And about you being moody, who isn't from time to time? No one has a happy mood every single day <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> You're still as sweet as always <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kissyou.gif" alt="" />