How to Tell if You're Dutch
Your country came into being by liberating itself from the Spanish, and has been occupied by the French (no hard feelings) and the Germans (lots of hard feelings).
You don't consider insects, dogs, cats, monkeys, or guinea pigs to be food. Raw herring is a well-liked delicacy, though.
Communists are 1) students in the sixties who wanted to change the world; 2) some old farmers in the north of your country who still vote for the minuscule communist party; 3) tough guys who did their patriotic duty against the Germans during the occupation.
An income tax rate of 60% is high, but you think that people who earn a lot of money should pay high taxes. You don't believe in a trickle-down effect.
Mustard comes in jars or glasses that can be reused as drinking glasses. Shaving cream comes in cans. Milk comes in cardboard boxes or (rarely) bottles.
You went over Dutch and European history in school, not much Russian, Chinese, or American. You couldn't name the last four wars that your country was involved in.
The nationality people most often make jokes about is the Belgians.
You don't really know what to think about your neighbors the Belgians. In general you think they are happier, less intelligent, more corrupt, and simultaneously more formal and informal than the Dutch. They speak Dutch, but in a funny way, unless they speak French. Their beer is the best. You get along well with them. A good thing about Belgians is that they are not arrogant. (They think the Dutch are arrogant and stingy, and make jokes about them).
Germany and the Germans are overbearing neighbors. You get along well with them, but Germans are known to be arrogant, which you are always alert to point out them. The war is not forgotten, and most people have elderly family members who were killed, deported or otherwise mistreated by the Nazis. Germany never returned the bicycles it stole, either. Even the most politically correct can make jokes or disparaging remarks about Germans and get away with it. Your greatest dream is beating Germans in the World Cup finals.
France is a country that doesn't understand your soft drugs policy. This is arrogant. It is a great place for summer vacation, and you like their cheese and wine.
The USA provides most of your entertainment, as well as technical innovation. If a non-American explains to you that something is better in the US than in the Netherlands, you will explain that American ideas will not work in the Dutch context. If an American tells you things are better in the US, you just think that he's arrogant. Apart from always telling you that things are better in the US, Americans are nice people. Your country has more money invested in the US than any other country in the world.
You don't think much about the UK. They produce pop music and football hooligans. Our Royal House shows how things should be done. Their Royal House shows how things shouldn't be done.
Your country used to have colonies but you rarely think about this.
You think development aid is a Good Thing. Sending money for arms isn't. You think human rights should be most important in foreign aid decisions.
Having a Royal House and a Queen is a Good Thing. Why, you're not sure.
