Ok.. the origin of Lady_Rain....
WARNING!!! this is not what you expect... it has NOTHING to do with rain.....
Lady_Rain started out in 1999 In CapeTown South Africa. Andrew (Fiance) and i just moved from Johannesburg to cape town, and started our own business there..... (and internet café). I was a whole of 19 years old....
For the first time in my life i was far away from friends and family... (and when people tell you how important your family's support is.... believe it... you may not like them, but you do rely on them)
To make a long story short.... we had to work long hours to make the business work.... there was a fair amount of stress involved.... and the stress also had its effect on our relationship. To make things worse, the only other business partner that we had, started cheating us our of money... "borrowing" money from the business to go away for weekends... opening loans on the business name (btw, we didnt know about this until WAY afterwards, when companies wanted to sue us for payment....).
Now the only part where rain has anything to do with the story, is that by now, its mid-winter in CapeTown, which is always a dull rainy affair... Weeks (if not months) of drizzling, grey skies and cold winds. If i mean grey skies, i refer to the grey skies where you cant even see different shades of grey in the clouds....
Now this added to my growing depression.... S.A.D. (seasonal adjustment disorder) along with the state of our business and then still the constant fighting between andrew and I....
Now just because Murphy had to smile on our lives.... my car gets totalled in the parkind lot... (some drunk guy smashed into the back of it at about 200 km/h - irrepairable and no insurance). So now we running a complete losing battle.
So murphy smiles at us again....
I get violently ill... fevers, rashes, and nothing helps (not even the mountain of anti-biotics the doctors threw at me... Eventually i end up in hospital... where an old nurse (the type you would stereotype as old-clan-medicine-women, complete with the leather skinn and abundant wrinckles), gave me one look and booked me for a sonar....
The short version is that i lost a pregnancy and it went ceptic.. i never even knew until that moment that i was pregnant.... (turned out that i was about 12 weeks).
The depression went from Bad to ABSOLUTELY MANIC in the next week (i still blame it on stress, hormonal fluctuations and more stress, plus the fact that i had no family close by, and i couldnt tell my mom what happened, since i was not married....)
The following weeks were hazes of sleeping tablets, anti-depressants (which made me more depressed), more sleeping tablets, and eventually a few attempts at cutting my wrists, overdosing, trying to drown myself, jumping in front of busses etc....
This drove Andrew over the edge... he couldnt handle this... so our relationship ended (thank heavens only briefly).
But this resulted on us closing the busines down and coming back to Johannesburg, where things started getting better for me.... I had my family again... my mom found out about the whole ordeal (i still HATE the person who told her - who discovered this thsi by going through my private files, and then misquoted it all to my mom, telling her that i had an abortion.... ) but even though my mom was past MAD, she was still my mom, and came to my resque... mentally at least.
in the weeks i spent after that trying to puzzle my life back together, the grey sky became a symbol of what i have been through, of the things i will never do again, of the mental instability that i will always avoid.... it also became a symbol of stupid desisions....
Lady Rain is everything that i will NEVER do again.... its the totem of "been there, done that, not going close to those waters again"
