Some comments I can give are
- it's a bit overwhelming, I'ts like a book where you need to return several pages to follow the plot once and a while. Can't really say what comes afterwards, but you might break it up a bit what you've got now. Introduce the characters and history little slower with some some descriptions of irrelevant details, so your readers know the charaters better/
[color:"orange"] It's mainly a short story where the mood and events take precedence over characterisation - I tried to convey that the reader 'gets' the motive for the characters actions by understanding the nature of someone in that position. Ex-cop following up a 7 year old lead on something he'd didn't want to resurface.
Maybe I was playing safe...he can't be out of character if you're to assume by lack of direct information he would probably act in that given way. In any event, the circumstances of the story drive the actions of character, so I felt it wasn't prudent to give too much background information unless it had a direct influence on a choice made by the character - elsewise a reader may wonder why I mentioned an irrelevant detail.
You've given me a lot to think about though... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> [/color]
- Also specify a date/time when the Marsh family was murdered or at least their bodies discovered. Now it's quite hard to understand the impact the picture of the hand had. Did he receive it before the bodies of the marsh family were found? Long before? or after?
[color:"orange"] The chronological order is mentioned in all of the text, starting in October 1926, narration then says 2 weeks earlier when the bodies where found, then talk of the symbol on the hand. He saw it before - he jumps 7 years prior to when he was a police officer and encoutered the symbol on the book and it effected him badly - then in present tense narrative 2 weeks ago he got the photographs of the murders with the picture of the hand and symbol.
And...yes, probably confusing - I toyed with the idea of exact dates, but felt emphasis on dates wasn't important, and so adding them mis-lead the reader into thinking about them - I was probably wrong. I'll await more feedback and see what impact arises.[/color]
- Graphical I see some, not much anatomic flaws. No real problem, just something I spot easely (did my part of human sketching etc when I was young)
[color:"orange"] Definitely...I see them too, often only after viewing again the next day - desire to finish the story as a whole before making corrections has lead to some of those errors. Some wont be fixed. I'd love if you could briefly point out areas that dont look right to you.
Though some are 'style' choices as opposed to trying to make perfect looking poses.
Thanks again [/color] <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />
