Alrik,
I think you are looking for a very different type of game to what DA:O is.
In a High Fantasy world, the Darkspawn would be the main enemy and the rulers of the various factions would be noble, good and just. There'd be no betrayals, no power politicking and the hero would be a Paladin who gathered a group of altruists around him to combat the Darkspawn for the common good.
I suspect that is what you are looking for and hoping for in a game.
DA:O is Low Fantasy - which means it's a much more realistic world. There are no 'Good Races' (And as the Darkspawn are mindless and mind controlled, arguably no 'Evil Races' either). The main enemy for most of the game is a member of (What should be) your own side who betrays his own king for what he thinks are good reasons. Other factions are paralysed by their own power struggles and/or the results of terrible things done to them and terrible things they have done in their turn. Your character can make a better world, by the end, but it's hard won and does not solve all problems. The group you build is made up not of noble altruists, but damaged and scarred people, some of whom have done terrible things.
This, I suspect, is more your idea of nightmare.
So overall, Alrik, I'd say you are both right and wrong in your analysis. Anyone playing the game and trying to be a High Fantasy hero is going to be frustrated and disappointed. Not all the quests end neatly or nicely, not everyone who should be good and noble is even a bearable person. Everyone in your recruited party is a deeply flawed failure as a person (Though you can help some of them become better people).
Anyone playing the game for the happy glow of Good always triumphing over Evil and Justice reigning over all will hate DA:O. Anyone looking for deeply nuanced characters and a thoroughly believable world will love it, as I do.
See, personally I don't care if a game is High Fantasy or Low. I enjoy strong characterisation, great storytelling and a world that lives and breathes. That's what makes me happy, as a player. I get the same joy from a well crafted tale that is High or Middle or Low Fantasy, and the same things annoy me when done poorly in all. I want to walk into a new world, full of believable people. Give me that and I'm going to enjoy the game.
Yes, I felt sorry for the ghost child you mention and wished there was some way to re-unite it with its mother, but I see the fact that the game engaged me emotionally as a positive where you see the way it engaged you as a negative.
Your perspective is entirely valid and right - for you. As mine is for me
