Tbh, DOS 1 and DOS 2 have never been meant to play with complete strangers and are aimed at friends or at least Steam friends. Both games are very lengthy and choices made at some point will have long-lasting consequences (as an example: if a drop-in player decides to steal an apple and angers the whole town then the host is stuck with all these hostile NPCs even after the drop-in player has left the game five minutes later and never joined again -> a perfect thing to mess up someone's game). So, I am not really surprised that many people are apprehensive of strangers joining their game - though it never justifies foul language. DOS 1 had settings which allowed you to make the game open only for your friends or for people whom you explicitly send an invitation, so I presume that similar options will be coming for DOS 2 if they do not exist yet (I jave not tried out MP so far for the main campaign)
To the OP: you may find it very hard to find other players who would be willing to let complete stranger join their games. Maybe you should try asking here if someone wants to play MP with you? Or start your own game and advertise it in the global chat that all are welcome to join? Also, the arena fights are as far as I can tell aimed at random players, so maybe you can try them as well?
