That pain reflect gets triggered from surfaces is something I reportet. I think, it's something that should not be possible at all, not only because it could make the wrong people hostile, but because it makes so real sense. Also not sure, if pain reflect triggers, if you walk trough a fire that was created by your own mages. Can be pretty hard to track, wich surface got created by whom.
Not sure about your Silence issue. With our plays they didn't turn hostile, when we prevented assassination. But we did not need to flee from Stingtail.
