The following excerpts are actual answers given on
history tests and in Sunday school quizzes by children
between 5th and 6th grade ages in Ohio.
They were collected over a period of three years by
two teachers. Read carefully for grammar, misplaced
modifiers, and of course, spelling!

> >> > >Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and
> >> > >mummies who all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the
> >> > >Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that
> >> > >all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
> >> > >
> >> > >---------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they
> >> > >made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
> >> > >Moses went up on Mount Syanide to get the ten commandos. He died
> >>before
> >> > >he ever reached Canada but the commandos made it.
> >> > >
> >> >-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred
> >> > >porcupines. He was an actual hysterical figure as well
> >> > >as being in the bible. It sounds like he was sort of
> >> > >busy too.
> >> > >
> >> >-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and
> >> > >without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also
> >> > >had myths. A myth is a young female moth.
> >> > >
> >> >-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went
> >> > >around giving people advice. They killed him. He later
> >> > >died from an overdose of wedlock which is apparently poisonous. After
> >> > >his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
> >> > >
> >> >-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped,
> >> > >hurled biscuits, and threw the java. The games were
> >> > >messier then than they show on tv now.
> >> > >
> >> >-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields
> >> > >of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they
> >> > >thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped
> >> > >out: "Same to you, Brutus."
> >> > >
> >> >-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by
> >> > >Bernard Shaw for reasons I don't really understand.
> >> > >The English and French still have problems today.
> >> > >
> >> >-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she
> >> > >was a success. When she exposed herself before her
> >> > >troops they all shouted "hurrah!" and that was the end
> >> > >of the fighting for a long while.
> >> > >
> >> >-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
> >> > >Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible.
> >> > >Another important invention was the circulation of
> >> > >blood.
> >> > >
> >> >-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he
> >> > >invented cigarettes and started smoking.
> >> > >
> >> >-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100
> >> > >foot clipper which was very dangerous to all his men.
> >> > >
> >> >-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was
> >> > >born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much
> >> > >money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,
> >> > >comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic
> >> > >pentameter.
> >> > >
> >> >-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple.
> >> > >They lived in Italy.
> >> > >Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet but her
> >> > >father was having none of that that I'm sure. You know
> >> > >how Italian fathers are.
> >> > >
> >> >-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel
> >> > >Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author
> >> > >was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Since
> >> > >then no one ever found it.
> >> > >
> >> >-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
> >> > >Contented Congress. ThomasJefferson, a Virgin, and
> >> > >Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration
> >> > >of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by
> >> > >rubbing two cats backward and also declared, "A horse
> >> > >divided against itself cannot stand." He was a
> >> > >naturalist for sure. Franklin died in 1790 and is
> >> > >still
> >> > >dead.
> >> > >
> >> >-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent.
> >> > >Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a
> >> > >log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham
> >> > >Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation.
> >> > >
> >> >-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the
> >> > >theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors
> >> > >in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator
> >> > >was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor.
> >> > >This ruined Booth's career.
> >> > >
> >> >-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions
> >> > >and has a large number of children. In between he
> >> > >practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his
> >> > >attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was
> >> > >the most
> >> > >famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel
> >> > >was half German, half Italian, and half English. He
> >> > >was very large.
> >> > >
> >> >-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was
> >> > >so deaf that he wrote loud music and became the father
> >> > >of rock and roll. He took long walks in the forest
> >> > >even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven
> >> > >expired in
> >> > >1827 and later died for this.
> >> > >
> >> >-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >The nineteenth century was a time of a great many
> >> > >thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by
> >> > >hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention
> >> > >of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring
> >> > >up.
> >> > >
> >> >-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which
> >> > >did the work of a hundred men.
> >> > >
> >> >-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits but I
> >> > >don't know why.
> >> > >
> >> >-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >Charles Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ of
> >> > >the Species. It was very long people got upset about
> >> > >it and had trials to see if it was really true. He
> >> > >sort of said God's days were not just 24 hours but
> >> > >without
> >> > >watches who knew anyhow? I don't get it.
> >> > >
> >> >-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman
> >> > >to do what she did. Other women have become scientists
> >> > >since her but they didn't get to find radios because
> >> > >they were already taken.
> >> > >
> >> > >--------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > >
> >> > >Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. The other
> >> > >three were in the movies. Karl made speeches and
> >> > >started revolutions. Someone in the family had to have
> >> > >a job, I guess.

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