Larian Studios Forums General Chat Chat (Anything) did we do jokes already?

What did Mick Jagger say when he was asked why he carried around an old stale dinner roll given to him by the King of Morocco?













I know it's an old Moroccan roll but I like it!

Here's a smile for you:


Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening,
the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.
Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist - he insulted me
terribly this morning on the phone."
Immediately, the husband drove downtown to accuse
the pharmacist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him,
"Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it.
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up.
I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be
damned if I didn't lock the house with both house and car keys
inside.
I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little
too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from
the store I had a flat tire.
When I finally got to the store, there
was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the
store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the
time the darn phone was ringing its head off.
Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make
change, and they spilled all over the floor.
I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels - the phone is still
ringing - when I came up, I cracked my head on the open cash
drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with
a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor
and broke.
The phone is still ringing with no let up, I finally got
back to answer it." The pharmacist continues,
"It was your wife - she wanted to know how to use a rectal
thermometer!!"






"Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!!!"

knock knock











who's there?











little boy blue

















little boy blew who?














































micheal jackson.

I like it! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

err ... what exactly do you mean by that HandEFood <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/question.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

Just the joke. Nothing more... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LOL! nice one handefood because you dont sound weird now. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I don't? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/disagree.gif" alt="" /> I'm a failure in life... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/disagree.gif" alt="" />

neener, you poof. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" />

A nurse walks into a room and sees a patient pretending he's driving a car, with his hands at 10 and 2.

The nurse asks him, "Charlie! What are you doing?"
Charlie replied" Can't talk right now I 'm driving to Chicago!"

The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stopped driving his imaginary car and she asks "Well Charlie, how you doing?"
Charlie says "I'm exhausted, I just got into Chicago and I need some rest."
"That's great," replied the nurse, "I'm glad you had a safe trip."

The nurse leaves Charlie's room, and then goes across the hall into another patients' room and finds Ed sitting on his bed masturbating vigorously.

Very surprised, she shouts "Ed what are you doing!? "

To which Ed replies, "Shhh, I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago".

a funny pic is also a joke eh. http://www.asianjoke.com/pix/giant_cat.htm



Are You Really Sure?


A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."





Your kid has been kidnapped


A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

Cam, a Newfoundlander was having a few beers in his favorite watering hole,
when a short, well dressed and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him.
After three or four beers, the gay fellow finally plucked up the courage
to say something to the big Newfoundlander. Leaning over towards Cam,
he whispered: "Do you want a blow job?" At this, the massive Newfoundlander
leapt up with fire in his eyes and smacked the gay man in the face, knocking
him swiftly off his stool. He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar
before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot.
Cam returned to his seat and ordered another beer. Amazed, the bartender
quickly brought over another beer to the big Newfoundlander.
"Lord tunderin' Jesus, I've never seed you react like dat before," said the
bartender.
"Just what did he say to you?"
"I don't exactly know for sure," the big Newfoundlander replied,
"Something about a job."


is this actually offensive to newfie's? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" /> Good ones, kabuti! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot. It wouldn't be as much work as a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak.

She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. She went to the owner of the store and asked how much the bird cost.

The owner said it was $50.

Delighted that such a rare looking and beautiful bird wasn't more expensive, she agreed to buy it.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a whorehouse.
Sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird. She told the owner that she still wanted the bird.

The petshop owner sold her the bird and she took it home. She hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's not so bad."

A couple hours later, the woman's two teenage daughters returned from school.

When they inspected the bird, it looked at them and said, "New house, new madam, new whores."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended at first, but than began to laugh about the situation. A couple of hours later, the woman's husband came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "New house, new madam, new whores; same old faces. Hi George!"

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" /> lol!

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ouch.gif" alt="" />

the pic was funny, but let do nasty things when looked at site. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/down.gif" alt="" />

what kind of nasty things??? i didn't notice anything...or you mean the pop ups with ads not ment for minors <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> srry about that..it ain't my site so i can't do anything about it..next pic will go through my photubucket though

yes those. and some of the pictures and, ew.

THE TOP FIVE SMART-A$$ ANSWERS OF THE YEAR

Smart-A$$ Answer #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Smart-A$$ Answer #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a butcher, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The butcher replied, "No, ma'am, they're dead."

Smart-A$$ Answer #3

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Smart-A$$ Answer #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads 'Low bridge ahead'. Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Smart-A$$ Answer #1

The SMART-A$$ ANSWER OF THE YEAR "THE TEACHER "

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now, Class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-[nocando] guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand!"