Courtesy of my friend Stan

Humor is universal and the same joke appears in many cultures.
Sometimes only minor changes need be made as changing a church to a
synagogue in "Repaint and thin no more." Sometimes the stories vary
tremendously but the point is the same. Here then are the story of two
pious dogs.

The Jewish Version:

A guy gets a new dog, a nice Jewish dog. So he calls him Irving.
He can't wait to show him off to his neighbor, so when the neighbor
finally comes over, the guy calls Irving into the house, bragging about
how smart he is.
The dog quickly comes running and stands looking up at his master,
tail wagging excitedly, mouth open, tongue hanging out, eyes bright
with anticipation.
The guy points to the newspaper by the door and commands "Okay,
Irving, Fetch!"
Immediately, the dog climbs on to the couch and sits, his tail wagging
furiously.
Then all of a sudden, he stops. His doggie smile disappears. He starts
to frown and puts on a sour face.
Looking up at his master, he whines, "You think this is easy, wagging
my tail all the time? Oy ... This constant wagging of the tail puts me
in such pain, you should only know! And you think it's easy eating that
dreck you call designer dog food. Forget it ... it's too salty and it
gives me gas. And also the runs, but what do you care? Why don't you
try it if you think it's so good? You try it. Dreck I say! Then you
push me out the door to take care of my business, twice a day. It's
disgusting I tell you! And when was the last time you took me for a
nice long walk? I can't remember when!"
The neighbor is absolutely amazed ... stunned. In astonishment, he
says, "I can't believe it. Irving can speak. Your dog actually talks.
Here he is sitting on the sofa talking to us."
"I know, I know." says the owner. "He's not yet fully trained yet. He
thought I said, 'Kvetch'." (Kvetch = Constant complaining)

The Christian Version:

A strong Baptist family decided to buy a home and make everything in
the house Baptist. They were going to make it look and feel Baptist
through and through. So when they were finished they went to a petshop
to look for a Baptist dog.
They asked the owner, "Do you have a Baptist dog?"
Surprised, the petshop owner thought about it for a while and then
nodded, saying, "Yes... yes, I think we have a dog that will fit your
description."
So the owner brought out the dog to the family, and the father said,
"Let's see if this is a real Baptist dog." So the father said to the
dog, "Go get a Bible."
And the dog ran over to a table, grabbed a Bible in its mouth, ran
back to the man and plopped the book at his feet.
Impressed, the father continued, "Let's see if this dog knows its
books of the Bible... Turn to Psalm 23".
The dog then opened the Bible with its snout and pawed through the
pages to Psalm 23.
Very pleased, the father bought the dog and brought it home.
The next day, the family had visitors. They showed their friends the
Baptist dog and the things it could do.
Finally, the friends asked, "Well, can it do any other tricks that
normal dogs do?"
The Baptist father wondered and said, "Hmm, I don't know. I've never
tried." He then ordered the dog, "Heel." (Heal)
Suddenly the dog leaped onto the father's lap and placed its paw on
the man's head and started to pray.
"Wait a minute!" exclaimed the Baptist mother, "This dog isn't
Baptist! It's Pentecostal!"

The question is not, Can they reason? nor, Can they talk? but, Can they suffer?
~Jeremy Bentham