Why are there no Walmarts in Iraq?
If there were they'd be Targets.

What would you most want people to say about you at your funeral?
"Look! He's moving!"

A worthless friend of mine took up the practice of meditation. I guess it is better than sitting around doing nothing.

A friend of mine went out with twins.
"Did you like the twins?" I asked him.
He replied, "Yes and no."

A guy walked into an antique shop and said, "What's new?"

An Alaskan was on trial. The judge turned to him and said, "Where were you on the night of October to April?"

When the X-ray specialist married his patient, everybody wondered what he saw in her.

"I'm very upset. The doctor told me that I have to take medication for the rest of life."
"What's wrong with that?"
"He only gave me 4 pills."





The question is not, Can they reason? nor, Can they talk? but, Can they suffer?
~Jeremy Bentham