Larian Studios Forums General Chat Chat (Anything) did we do jokes already?

*janggut promptly buries himself*

Two bone weary public servants were working their little hearts and souls out.
Their department was just too busy for staff to be able take flex.
But there had to be a way.
One of the two public servants suddenly lifted his head.
"I know how to get some time off work" the man whispered.
"How?" hissed the blonde at the next workstation.
Instead of answering, the man quickly looked around.
No sign of his Director.
He jumped up on his desk, kicked out a couple of ceiling tiles and hoisted himself up.
"Look!" he hissed, then swinging his legs over a metal pipe, hung upside down.
Within seconds, the Director emerged from the Branch Head's office at the far end of the floor.
He saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he thought he was doing.
"I'm a light bulb" answered the public servant.
"I think you need some time off," barked the Director.
"Get out of here - that's an order –
and I don't want to see you back here for at least another two days!
You understand me?"
"Yes sir' the public servant answered meekly, then jumped down, logged off his computer and left.
The blonde was hot on his heels.
"Where do you think you're going?" the boss asked.
"Home," she said lightly. "I can't work in the dark."

Little Johnny is at it again

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny, a child in the kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

Just heard this one, please remember it is a JOKE.
.
What have Adolf Hitler and Paula Radcliff got in common??
.
They both failed to finish off a race!!

OK this is not a joke and so is a bit off topic, but Spick's joke reminded me of this bit of trivia.

What do Josef Stalin, Art Garfunkel, Jerry Mathers (played Beaver on the 50's TV show "Leave It To Beaver"), and special prosecutor Kenneth Starr (The guy who brought up the impeachment charges against President Clinton) all have in common?






They all have or had psoriasis.

next Quis question :
"what's psoriasis?" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

read it phonetically bean <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

as in "Sore A$$es" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wave.gif" alt="" />

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad,
what is the difference between potentially and
realistically?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go
ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford
for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she
would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and
ask your brother if he'd sleep with Tom Cruise for a
million dollars. Come back and tell me
what you learn from that. "

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you
sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars? "The
mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really
use that money to fix up the house and send you kids
to a great college! "

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you
sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars? " The girl
replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt! I would sleep
with him for nothing, are you nuts?

"The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would
you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars? "Of
course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a
million could buy? "

The boy pondered that for a few days then went back to
his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the
difference between potentially and realistically?

"The boy replied, "Yes, sir. Potentially, we're
sitting on three million dollars, but realistically,
we're living with two sluts and a queer."

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

Another old one..

Pensioners Bert and Ethel decide to marry and spend their remaining twilight years together. As they snuggled up on their wedding night, Ethel began to worry that her heart condition may be a problem if the action gets too vigorous…

"Darling" she whispered in his ear "There’s something I need to tell you – I’ve got acute angina"

"Just as well…" he whispered back "…’cos you’ve got lousy tits"….

2 old ladies are gossiping on the cnr of the local street

Marg;
did you hear that Elsie and John still have it on every week? and they are both in there 80's now

Ethel;
really how do they keep up?

Marg;
well you know when the bell tower rings at midnight, John uses that as a rhytm to his err actions. you know Ding ..... ding .... ding .... ding ..... ding .... ding .... ding .... ding .... ding .... ding .... ding .... ding ....

Two weeks later same cnr same old Ladies

Marg;
did you hear that Old John died of a heart attack?
Ethel;
Goodnes no, how did it happen?

Marg;
well you know how I told you about the Bell Tower and midnight? well apparently just before midnight last week a fire broke out nearby and the fire engine came past Elsies and Johns house, dingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingding <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY. Check it out these actual cases:

A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife was nearby in the kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors.

His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her husband.

While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to
right the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the
spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet.

After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the
shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into
the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his
business. About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers
blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned
for an ambulance. The same paramedic crew was dispatched. As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn himself. She told them. They started laughing so hard, one slipped. They dropped the stretcher and dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.
____________________________________________
Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse...

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
_____________________________________________
Still think you are having a bad day?

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his walkman.
_______________________________________________
STILL think you! 're having a bad day?

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.
___________________________________________
What?! STILL having a bad day?

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now, feeling better?

According to this site.the story is not true. It is, of course, funny.
Ha! Ha! but not true.

Points finger going 'Ha ha!' Simpsons-style. Oh the irony.... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

Pat and Shamus were standing outside the pub and desperate for a pint or two but they didn't have a lot of money.
Between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of 50 pence.
Pat said 'Hang on, I have an idea.
He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said 'Are you crazy?
Now we don't have any money left at all'.
Pat replied 'Don't worry - just follow me.'
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guiness and two glasses of Jamieson whiskey.
Shamus said 'Now you've done it.
Do you know how much trouble we will be in we haven't got any money!!'
Pat replied, with a smile 'Don't worry, I have a plan -cheers!'
They downed their drinks.
Pat said 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'
They went through with the plan, the barman noticed them, went berserk and threw them out of the pub.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Pat - I don't think I can do any more 'this. I'm pissed and me knees are killin' me!'
Pat said 'How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub!

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> good one! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

mea, u're one sick ....... keep it coming! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />

Newfie Fingers

Johnny was working at the fish plant in Carbonear when he accidentally cut off all ten of his fingers. He went to the emergency room in St. John's. The doctor looked at Johnny and said "Let's have da fingers and I will see what I can do." Johnny said, "I haven't got da fingers. "What do you mean, you haven't got da fingers? It's 2004...we got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring da fingers?" Johnny says,






................... Are you ready for this???????????? . Are you sure???????????????

.................. Remember this is a Newfie..... . ok....ok....ok.... . Here it is.....






"HOW DA FOCK WAS I SUPPOSE TO PICK DEM UP!!!!"

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

Seen on Sigs <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Christmas is coming, the frogs are getting flat! Please put an otter in the old man's hat. If you haven't got an otter then a marmoset will do; if you haven't got a marmoset, then God bless you!
"Are you the police?" "No Ma'am, we're musicians." -The Blues Brothers
"Bother," said Pooh, as the police found Piglet's body in his back garden.
Jesus saves sinners ... and redeems them for valuable cash prizes!
The opinions expressed herein are those of absolutely everyone at National Instruments: the management, staff, stockholders, their spouses, children, dogs, and cats. In fact, everyone in Austin also agrees. No, make that Texas. -Taken from .sig
"We are sorry, but the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again."
"I'm paranoid... I tried to join Paranoids Anonymous. They wouldn't let me know where the meetings were."
"Bother," said Pooh, as Moonbase Alpha depressurised.
"He's dead, Jim. You grab his Tricorder, I'll get his wallet."
Scientists have shown that the moon is moving away at a tiny yet measurable rate from the earth every year. If you do the math, you can calculate that 85 million years ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth's surface. This would explain the death of the dinosaurs. The tallest ones, anyway.
This program posts news to billions of machines throughout the galaxy. Your message will cost the net enough to bankrupt your entire planet. As a result your species will be sold into slavery. Be sure you know what you are doing. Are you absolutely sure you want to do this? [ny] y
"The Force. It surrounds us; It enfolds us; It gets us dates on Saturday nights." -- Obi Wan Kenobi, Famous Jedi Knight and Party Animal.
The opinions expressed herein are beamed to me periodically from Remulac, during the festival of the Moons of Meepzorp. (Toss me the senso-rings) -Also taken from a .sig
'The Lord cast Lucifer out of the Kingdom of Heaven, and into the fiery pit where he was to remain damned for all eternity. And for this Lucifer cursed The Lord and said, "I've fallen and I can't get up!"'
"Bother," said Pooh, as the small child choked on his eyes.
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Haiku: The willow bends down / Touching the ground in new ways / Plastic Bear Vomit.
In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in the proper order then why can't he? [Note- is Yoda a Skaven? His speech would seem to prove it.]
Watership Down: You've read the book. You've seen the movie. Now eat the stew!

When you're swimming in the creek, And an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray!
When an eel bites your thigh, As you're just swimming by, that's a moray!
When an eel, with all its charm, takes a hunk out of your arm, that's a moray!
When you scream, and you beg, but it still bites off your leg, that's a moray!
(Thanks to Afgncaap5@aol.com & co for the last two)
"Bother," said Pooh, as the "cop killers" pierced his kevlar jacket.
Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer.

"WHAT is your name?" "Captain Jean-Luc Picard."
"WHAT is your quest?" "I seek the Holy Grail!"
"WHAT is the maximum Warp speed of a Bird of Prey?" "Romulan or Klingon?"
"I.....I don't know AAAAAHHHHH!"
"You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. If you resist, you will be punished. Have a nice day." - The Borg
"It was only after their population of fifty mysteriously shrank to eight, that the other seven dwarfs began to suspect Hungry."
Disclaimer: The above are the opinions of God as recited by my telepathic goldfish. Those who oppose them with be struck by lightning. Such an event will be reflected on their electrical bill.
Read in the "letters to the editor" column of "TIME" in response to an article on teen suicide: "People should be aware of the dangers of killing themselves"
"Today's CS lecture will be conducted entirely through the medium of interpretive dance." --something I've always wanted to hear but never will
"Bother", said Pooh, mistaking the LSD tablet for aspirin
Last night as I lay in bed looking at the stars I thought 'Where the hell is the ceiling?'
Your eyes are weary from staring at the CRT. You feel sleepy. Notice how restful it is to watch the cursor blink. Close your eyes. The opinions stated above are yours. You cannot imagine why you ever felt otherwise.
People who think MSDOS & Windows are the slickest thing since sliced butter should be forced to wear a sign stating "This mind intentionally left blank"
I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it.
Just say NO to police searches and seizures. Make them use force. (not responsible for bodily harm resulting from following above advice)
"Bother," said Pooh as he fell into the nitric acid bath
Some of the more environmentally aware dinosaurs were worried about the consequences of an accident with the new Iridium enriched fusion reactor. "If it goes off only the cockroaches and mammals will survive..." they said.
"I am Loquacious of Borg. Prepare to be bored."
"Once you have pulled the pin out of Mr. Grenade, he is no longer your friend."
Japanese say Americans are lazy. HA!! At least we cook our fish!
Sir! Romulan warbird decloaki$^#@*& NO CARRIER
To install WordBlurf 9.0 on a network, place the write-enabled installation diskette in drive A and type A:netinstall. WordBlurf 9.0 will install itself on every machine on your network and nothing will go wrong. Really. We swear. -A user about to discover the real nature of networking.
Took an hour to bury the cat - damn thing kept moving.
I t±ld yo±, "Never±touch ±he flop±y disk s±rface!"
GOD IS REAL ... Unless declared integer.
"Mr. Worf, scan that ship." "Aye captain, 300 dpi?"
When in darkness or in doubt, Run in circles, scream and shout.
A police state is great, so long as you're the police.
The best way to accelerate a Apple Mac? 9.8 m/s²
1 = 2, for large values of 1.
E=MC². Very good, Einstein, but next time show your working.
Pentium processing? It's as easy as 1-2-3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841.
Beware of quantum ducks. Quark, Quark.
No, you can't make a phone call... NO! NO! %&*/l1.@#~ NO CARRIER
If speed kills, then Mac users will live forever.
umop apisdn w,I aw dlaH
Hy! Whr did my "" ky go?
"[nocando] it," said Pooh, being more forthright than usual.
A warning to drivers on the A5 to Norwich. It doesn't go there.
"The Pentium Processor - Now you CAN divide by zero!" -Intel slogan, or not?
C:\DOS\SYSTEM\OS2\UTILITIES\DOCS\HELP\WHERE\THE\F$#%\AM\I???
"Press to test." [click] "Release to detonate."
(A)bort (R)etry (I)nfluence with large hammer
Borg DOS: Assimilate drive C:? (Y)es, (O)k or (F)ine
Ferengi DOS: Unprofitable command or file name.
Klingon DOS: That command or file name has no honour!
Math Problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)ý]-[sin(xy)/2.362x+5
File Not Found.....Loading something that looks similar
Of people born in 1839, 100% who ate carrots are dead.
Really Get Stoned -- Drink Wet Cement!
Support your local coroner -- die strangely.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue
Phasers on "Blow the crap out of 'em"... FIRE!
Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay...
CAUTION! Do Not Look Into Laser With Remaining Eye.
"Bother," said Pooh, as he pulled the alien face-hugger off.
Avoid mess: Cover cat before microwaving.
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
All general statements are false.
All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power.
I nearly bought an Archimedes, but I decided not to take the RISC!
Hold a hard drive to your ear. Listen to the C:
Illiterate? Write for FREE HELP!
A seminar on Time Travel will be held 2 weeks ago
"640k oughta be enough for anyone" - Bill Gates, 1981.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
Smith and Wesson: The original point-and-click interface
(A)bort, (R)etry, (S)mack the friggin' thing
This product has been cruelly tested on cute furry animals.
"Look at that idiot with the bow and arrow", Harold c. 1066
Gosh it's cold today, turn another Pentium on will you ?
All in favor of telekinesis, raise my hands.
Do I BELIEVE in the Bible?! Hell, man I've SEEN one!!!
"Beam me aboard, Scotty!" "A 2x4, sir?"
One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
If a boomerang always comes back, why bother throwing it?
Do bl Sp ce is a v ry saf me hod of driv compr s ion (for all you DOS 6 fans out there)
The buck doesn't even slow down here.
Shell to DOS...come in, DOS...do you read...over?
Charlie was a chemist, but Charlie is no more: What Charlie thought was H2O was H2SO4.
"A Warrior does NOT steal quotes." - Worf
**-SYSTEM ERROR-** Press F13 to continue.
Keyboard not found, press F1 to continue (that was a real one, BTW)
75%, no, 72% of all statistics are made up on the spot
A fool and his money are... Hey! Where's my wallet?!!
Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key.
BREKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding.
COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer.
"Computer, end program!" *&%$# NO CARRIER
Dances With Tribbles: Stomp SQUEAK Stomp SQUEAK
Do not attempt to traverse a chasm in two leaps.
File not found, but if you'll hum a few bars...
I'm Heavily Armed, Easily Bored and off my Medication!
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
Math and Alcohol don't mix. Please don't drink & derive.
My computer is so stupid it #'#û! &^#û¨##ûNO CARRIER
People who think they know it all really annoy us who do.
REALITY.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot universe? (Y/N/Q)
There is an exception to every rule, except this one.
NO! Not DEL, *DIR*!
What!!! I'm missing Star Tre*(%$#zNO CARRIER
Shh! Be vewy, vewy qwiewet! I'm hunting wuntime ewwors
I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!!

Taken from our school bulletin: Most pupils who have adopted a Tamagotchi appear to be responsibly extending appropriate care and attention to them.
As with any real baby or pet, arrangements must be made to look after them while parents are at work or school.
Assemblies, classes etc. cannot be interrupted by distressed pets or babies- real or otherwise. We have neither a creche nor a pet-minding facility.
These toys must therefore be tended before or after school, or at lunchtime.
Should they be taken into supervision by a teacher, the consequences may be fatal. The only facilities we have to support Tamagotchis is a mortuary where at least they would meet an appropriate end to their lives.
J.G. Low, Rector.

"Look at the si-diddly-ize of that darn diddly ding dang thing..." "Shut your trap, Red Two." -Star Wars (thanks to Kevin Reilly)
"Go ahead and take the moral high ground. All that heavenly back lighting just makes you a better target." (Thanks to David Gerrold)
I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?
"Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. - Dorothy"
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished.
C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
Best file compression around: "DEL *.*"
"As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing."
Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
"The beatings will continue until morale improves."
I used up all my sick days, so I called in dead.
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
"I didn't live in this century." - Dan Quayle
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
Alzheimer's advantage #25: New friends every day!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Don't steal - the government hates competition.
Everyone has a photographic memory, but most don't have film.
Give and you might receive. Take and be sure of it.
Life: a terminal, sexually transmitted disease.
Love is grand. Divorce is twenty grand.
LSD: Virtual reality without all the expensive hardware.
To reformat a CD-ROM, use steel wool & heavy pressure
Tonight's forecast: Dark, followed by light.
I was an atheist, until I realised I was God.
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
"Pop goes the hamster - and other great microwave games!" - Nick Abbot
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" />

MOST IMPORTANT PROFESSION

Someone told me recently about an architect, a surgeon, and economist. The surgeon said, 'Look, we're the most important. God's a surgeon because the very first thing God did was to extract Eve from Adam's rib.' Th e architect said, 'No, wait a minute, God is an architect. God made the world in seven days out of chaos.' The economist smiled, 'And who made the chaos?'