Larian Studios Forums General Chat Chat (Anything) did we do jokes already?

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" /> That list is great, Mea! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

An oldie but a goodie

A New Zealander, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck.
They found themselves stranded on a desert island and after being there for a while they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down.

One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds,
the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Kiwi.

Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Kiwi took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and lo, and behold, there was another shipwreck.

The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Kiwi had ever seen.

She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health.

When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual.

It was another beautiful evening: red cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon the New Zealander started to get 'those feelings' again.

He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over
to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear...

'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'

Sweet!

Übereil (maybe I should pull of one of my father's spesials?)

Trick or Treat

A little boy and girl go trick or treating.

They knock on the door of this house and the man who answers it says, "Well, you two are awful cute. Who are you supposed to be?"

"We're Jack and Jill" she replied.

The man says, "You can't be Jack and Jill, you're black!"

So, they go off and a while later they come back dressed differently.

They ring the doorbell and once again and the man opens the door.

"Well, now, that is just darn cute. Who are you this time?"

"We're Hansel and Gretel" says the little boy.

"Well, I hate to disappoint you son, but you can't be Hansel and Gretel because you're black!"

Heads hung low, they leave. Not too much later the man hears the bell ring again. This time when he opens the door there stand the two children but this time they are BUCK NAKED.

"Oh my! And just who are you supposed to be now?!" he asks.

Chocolate M & M's, " said the little girl. "I'm plain. He's got nuts.

*shivers* Nasty...

Übereil

PS I got one <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />:

There are three Turkish emigrants (pretty old story) sitting by the Swedish immigration Board, seeking Swedish membership. They're supposed to be called into a little room and answer some questions, and they'll know if they were granted Swedish membership.

Anyway, the first guy were called in. And the guy who asked alöl the questons asked him:
"How long have you lived in Sweden" and the Turkish emmigrant answered:
"One year". Then the guy said:
"I'm sorry, I can't grant you Swedish membership". And the Turkish emmigrant leaved...

Outside, the other two asked him:
"How did it go? How did it go?" And the second guy looked sad and said:
"Decline" and the other two said:
"Ah, that's too bad, better luck next time" and stuff like that.

The second guy were called in. And the guy who asked all the questons (the same guy, since it was the same room)asked him:
"How long have you lived in Sweden" and the Turkish emmigrant answered:
"Two years". Then the guy said:
"I'm sorry, I can't grant you Swedish membership". And the Turkish emmigrant leaved...

Outside, the other two asked him:
"How did it go? How did it go?" And the first guy looked sad and said:
"Decline" and the other two said:
"Ah, that's too bad, better luck next time" and stuff like that. (Ctrl C, Ctrl V...)

The it was the third guy who were called in. And the guy who asked all the questons (still, same guy, same room) asked him:
"How long have you lived in Sweden" and the Turkish emmigrant answered:
"Three years". Then the guy said, looking glad:
"Congratulations, you are now a Swedish sitizent". And the ex-Turk emigrant leaved, and looked happy.

Outside, the other two asked him:
"How did it go? How did it go?" And the third guy looked mean and said:
"I don't speak to you, bloody Turks".

DS

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns to tell their adventures on the seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, hook, and an eye patch. Curious, the seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about the hook?"

"Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand clean off."

"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch?"

"Arrrrr, you see a seagull shat in me eye," replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to seagull droppings!!!?" the sailor exclaimed.

"Well..." said the pirate, "you see I only had the hook a week."

Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ouch.gif" alt="" /> That HURTS!

Übereil

Or how about this one:




There was a young fellow named Cager
Who, as a result of a wager,
Consented to fart
The whole oboe part
Of Mozart's Quartet in F major.

So the fiddlers started to play
With Cager a-farting away
When to his despair
He ran out of air
At the upbeat to four after "A"

To Cager this was quite a bummer.
His bung was really a hummer.
Imagine his glee
When he found out that he
Had been farting the wrong Koechel number.


Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> (I love limericks)

ok this joke is hard to translate on text..
(but noraly you have to shout very hard in the end)
(and i can't change the size of my text also)
So basicly this joke is already ruined before i begon!)

A friend of mine emailed this to me yesterday. She said that it reminded her of somebody from one of our local shops.

-----------------------

BODY MEETING
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain, "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".

"I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.


The Moral of the story?

The arsehole is usually in charge.
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

There once was a young man named Aaron,
At whom the ladies were starin'.
He was tall, dark and tan,
Quite the ladies man,
But then, to his dismay, he woke up.


Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> Sorry guys, I couldn't help myself. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I loved it, and I want more <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

Okay MeaCulpa just for you, but this one is a little naughty.

There was an old pirate named Bates
Who was learning to rhumba on skates.
He fell on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates.


Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> Again, I'm sorry guys, but I couldn't help myself. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

Get some self-controll <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/memad.gif" alt="" />!!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ouch.gif" alt="" />

Übereil

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/offtopic.gif" alt="" /> My warped sense of humor came from managing a Truckers Truck Stop, here in America while in my 20’s, and being around a bunch of guys all of the time. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

My sence of humor came from my father. I'm beginning to realize that he's not too funny...

Übereil

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/offtopic.gif" alt="" /> Or maybe Übereil

Your Father is an Honorable man with good intensions. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

Take Care
Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

He is. But that doesn't make him funny though... (Unless funny doesn't mean that he's got a good sense of humor, but something else... Don't remember how it is in English.)

Übereil