Larian Studios Forums General Chat Chat (Anything) did we do jokes already?

Nice one Mea. And Kyras is pretty allright too, but I've allready heard it.

Übereil

I love them both! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

Talking about it - that's called oral sex isn't it? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

As we're going in for rude rhymes, I might as well trot out one of the oldest rhymes I remember from my schooldays:

There was a young lady from Ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling.
So she sat on a chair
with her legs in the air
and widdled all over the ceiling.


Nothing new about that one, but I have a 'historical footnote':

I'd always thought that the rhyme was something of an anatomical impossibility. But a friend who had been hop picking in the south east of England many years ago assured me that was not so!

Apparently, there were two rival camps who turned up each year to pick hops - the Cockneys and the Gypsies. One year somebody challenged everybody else to a pi$$ing competition - highest up the shed wall to be the winner.

The men were looking smug until a Gypsy woman peed clear onto the roof. He did give further details, which I will suppress here.... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Well if you usually talk with your mouth full yeah... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

This is an apology to the people who frequent this forum.

I am sorry. I should never have expressed my opinion. I am new around here and I did not realize that I was out of bounds in stating an opinion.

Thank you HandEFood for pointing this out to me. You were absolutely right.
This is a joke thread and just because I didn't see the humor in Kyra's joke
that gave me no right to state my opinion. Jokes have their place and opinions
theirs and this is the place for jokes.

Thanks everybody for your patience and I am sorry. Have fun and enjoy.

Shantara <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

@ shantara -> don't u worry. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" /> we're all ok here & in fact, u don't have to apologise for stating your opinion though this thread seems a bit out of place for opinions. & do stick around, ok? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wave.gif" alt="" />

@ Mea -> oh boy, u're getting funnier & funnier & funnier & ..... . u're easily in my top 5 of the funniest person in the forum, with good ol' Jurak being the FUNNIEST ever! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />

Filth warning!!! This is rather rude. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> but the punchline had me rolling..

Don't read if easily offended.

<span class='standouttext'>Spoiler : </span><span class='spoiler'>
There was a young man from Kent
Whose thing was so long it had bent.
It was simply no trouble
To put it in double
So instead of coming he went...
</span>

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> for some reason that last line has me cackling every time...

No! Not at all! Your opinions are most welcome! I was simply replying with my own opinion.

I think that fact that I rambled sent the mixed message. It brought back some painful memories which spilled out. I didn't want to bring the whole thread down or take it off topic, so I closed with another joke.

Please, if something here does offend you, you have every right to say so. It is a public forum and not everyone's tastes and opinions are the same. There's no point having a laugh if everyone can't join in.

I'm sorry for the misunderstanding! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shame.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I was going to tell yot that there's no problems in stateing your oppinion here, but pepole have allready done thet, so instead I'll pull off my fater's classical joke (HE pulls it of everytime he sees a packet of juice (I think it's spelled that way...)):

A man and his wife comes into a bar. They are from easten Europe somewere, and are not too good at English (NOT because they come from eastern Europe...). They walks up to the bar, and the man says:
Can I have a wiskey? Huve you juise/use for my wife? (he sais the juise/use thing as one word. It's funnier whan you tell it...)

Übereil

@ Shantara =>

No need to apologize.
You are a beautiful person and it's very nice to have someone like you become part of the family.

Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Okay, I'm posting this one special just for the guys.


Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the Princess' lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome Prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince that I am. Then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my Mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so".

That night, on a meal of lightly sautéed frogs legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought: I don't think so.



<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

What?
You didn't think it was funny?

Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

Personally Kyra_NY I liked the Kicker (some Belgian and Dutch members may get the joke on words here Kikker = Frog in Dutch)
But specially for our Damsel in not so much distress and not to forget our bearded one <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Oh and sorry for the lengthy joke <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />


Subject: Just had to send this






S O M E T I M E S






Sometimes...
when you cry...
no one sees your tears.







Sometimes...
when you are in pain...
no one sees your hurt.







Sometimes...
when you are worried...
no one sees your stress.







Sometimes...
when you are happy...
no one sees your smile.
























But FART!! just ONE time...

And everybody knows!!

Gotcha!! You thought it was going to be one of those heart touching
stories <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wave.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> That reminded me what one of my ex-step dads said once to me and my brother and sisters.
"Oh, you kids. You'd laugh at any joke as long as it had the words poo-poo or pee-pee in it."

We all started laughing again after he said that. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car --both could barely see over the dashboard.
As they were cruising along they came to an intersection.
The stoplight was red but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it; I could have sworn we just went through a red light".
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though.
This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.
She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!
Mildred turned to her and said "OH, am I driving?"


Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

I do that all the time and no one notice... I rarely do the other thing though...

Übereil

[color:"yellow"] HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN: [/color]
Compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her...

[color:"yellow"] HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN: [/color]
Show up naked.
With beer.


Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" />

It's discrimination, isn't it?

Übereil

That should do it! Well, depends how good you look naked. The beer takes care of that though! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/devil.gif" alt="" />

Well, I guess you are going to need more than one beer.
Because I look just like the Sea Hag on Popeye. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />