Larian Studios Forums General Chat Chat (Anything) did we do jokes already?

A guy is sitting at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He's slamming tequila left and right. He grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy who was sitting next to him couldn't believe that the guy had just done that. He was more surprised when, ten minutes later, the same guy, unscathed, comes walking back into the bar and sits back down next to him. The astonished guy asks "How did you do that? I just saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet above the GROUND!". The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, slams it down, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls until right before the ground, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the guy walks back into the bar.

The other guy has to try it too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He drinks it and goes to the window and jumps. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all...SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila and the bartender says to him, "You're really a jerk when you're drunk, Superman."

I always bring at least a sixpack. You'd need more than one too! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> It's a very convenient and safe answer to use. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

That's how you STAY married! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> As Spanky said, "And How!!!" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

Subject: Work



There is a new virus.
The code name is "WORK".
If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail, or from anyone else, do not touch WORK under any circumstances.
This virus wipes out your private life completely.
If you should happen to come in contact with this virus, take two friends and go straight to the nearest bar.
Order drinks and after three rounds, you will find that WORK has been completely deleted from your brain.
Forward this virus warning immediately to at least five friends.
Should you realize you do not have five friends, this means you are already infected by this virus and WORK already controls your whole life.
If this is the case, go to the bar and stay until you make at least five friends.
Then retry.
I think I have five friends but am not entirely positive ....... so I'm headed for the bar anyway.
Never hurts to be safe.

Well, I don't work, but still, I don't have five friends... I better go to the nearest bar... But whait, I don't get in since I'm not 18... I'm in trouble <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/puppyeyes.gif" alt="" />!

Übereil

That's okay Ube.

You can always be a closet drunk. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

Whith what booze? I'm under 18, so, theoreticlly I'm not able to get my hands on booze. That all of my friends my friends (from school, so they're not really my friends) drink is a completely different matter... (Yes, they're the same age as me. Some of them are even younger!)

Übereil

Try it UB. Just try it. (if you can get hold of some)

Scary thing is, your friends at school will probably be the best you ever meet! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Womble!!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Why?

Übereil

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ohh.gif" alt="" /> You don't need to Ube.
Womble's being a bad influence on you. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kitty.gif" alt="" />

I know.

Übereil

I knew this knowledge came from somewhere, but ;;;;;;;

I've never seen that book...

Übereil

Sorry UB, just messing about. Lets not get this thread derailed into the whys and wherefores of teenage drinking. More jokes please!

Jokes, you say? Let's think <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" />...

Womble <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />! Funniest joke today. So short, so brilliant!

Übereil (sorry, couldn't help myself. No offence meant.)

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 AM.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said,
"How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband asked, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know "if the coast is clear."

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/sleepey.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/sleepey.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/sleepey.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/sleepey.gif" alt="" />

And what is sad is, I have known some girls that are that dumb.
Hair color didn't matter. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/sleepey.gif" alt="" />


Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />