Larian Studios Forums General Chat Chat (Anything) did we do jokes already?

Is this story real or fictitious, who knows and who cares.
It's funny just the same.

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the
professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course,
why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at
which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul
gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how
many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that
exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not
a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than
one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one
religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls
in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the
volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature
and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until
all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take
into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must
be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen
over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine
being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"


Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

Ah sh*t! I can't laught since my parents are sleeping... I'll have to do it like this ( ).

We've just worked with this in chemistry, but we didn't resiev this question. Maybe they're saveing it for the main chourse test (extremely big, extremely difficult). I should study this answer, just in case...

Übereil

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" /> I believe the original paper was true, though that one has been changed. I've seen a lot more copies saying that she hasn't slept with him. All the same, it's still great! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

VAN GOGH'S RELATIVES...

The grandfather who moved to Yugoslavia..... U.Gogh
The brother who accidentally bleached all his clothes..... Hue Gogh
The really obnoxious brother.....Please Gogh
The brother who ate prunes..... Gotta Gogh
The uncle who worked at a convenience store..... Stop N. Gogh
His dizzy aunt..... Verti Gogh
His domineering aunt..... Vira Gogh
The cousin who moved to Illinois..... Chica Gogh
His magician uncle..... Wherediddy Gogh
The cousin who lived in Mexico..... Amee Gogh
He also had a Filipino relative..... Grin Gogh
The great grandfather who drove a stage coach..... Wells Far Gogh
The constipated uncle..... Cant Gogh
The aunt who loved ballroom dancing..... Tan Gogh
His ornighologist uncle..... Flamin Gogh
His nephew, the Freudian psychoanalyst..... E. Gogh
His cousin, an importer of tropical fruits..... Mang Gogh
His aunt who taught the power of positive thinking..... Way to Gogh
His bouncy young nephew..... Poe Gogh
The disco-loving sister..... Go Gogh
The wayward nephew..... Gogh Figure
And his niece, who is still travelling the U.S. in a van..... Winnie Bay Gogh


Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

Maybe it's the language, but I had trouble getting some of them (which takes me back: I wish I could speak (and write and read) all languages just as good as I speak (and write and read) Swedish)...

Übereil

Yeah, its definately a pronounciation thing UB. Hey, you speak 2 languages which is more than me!

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/offtopic.gif" alt="" />

And way more than me too, unless you include words like Burrito, Taco, Quesadilla, and so on. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />


Fafnir <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

Not forgetting Tequilla of course... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

and specially for Ky ..... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

There was a young man from Aberdeen,
Who invented a jerk-off machine.
On the twenty-fifth stroke
The damn thing broke,
And beat both his balls into cream.

Ahh I guess, that you can guess, where this came from <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Haha, du är så jävla värdelös, din nolla!!!

Übereil (just had to... I don't really mean it)

And that means...? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

That's right...

Übereil

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" /> I think someone has been a little sneak. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" />


Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/memad.gif" alt="" />

A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to
the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two were very tired and
fell asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying,
"Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replies.
"Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims.

"Good." she replies. "Get your own f*****g blanket!"

After a moment of silence.... he farted.

to this day the "Gentleman" has refrained from eating beans before going on a train journey <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

A picture is worth a thousand words.





Fafnir <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

And yet another. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />




Fafnir <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

A corn husker with seizures admits
That a floozy with flux is the pits,
But if one has the hots
Knowing girls with the trots
Tis no worse than shucking between fits.


Fafnir <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

>> A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a
>> night light, turned the answering machine on, covered their pet parakeet and
>> put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested
>> a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave
>> their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house.
>> They don't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat
>> the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to
>> get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit. Waiting in the
>> cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty for the
>> night. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just
>> going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband
>> gets into the cab.
>> "Sorry I took so long,"he says, as they drive away. "Stupid bitch was
>> hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to
>> get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck.
>> Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me.
>> But it worked. I hauled her fat [nocando] downstairs and threw her out into the
>> back yard!"
>> The cab driver hit a parked car...

And the moral? Driveing a cab is dangerous buissnes!

Übereil