Larian Studios Forums General Chat Chat (Anything) did we do jokes already?

That is because Übi is a guy, we women are strong in words and you have to admit, those were really good!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN

Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
Dogs don't criticize your friends.
Dogs admit when they're jealous.
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
Dogs do not play games with you - except Frisbee (and they never laugh at how you throw).
Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
You can train a dog.
Dogs are easy to buy for.
You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
(OK. The *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
Dogs understand what no means.
Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
Dogs admit it when they're lost.
Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.


Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

Oh, my god, this has turned in to the "I hate men thread". Maybe I should put in some anti-women jokes? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOway, I'll join my fellow females in this!! HaHa!!!


Men are like....Animals
Messy, insensitive and potentially violent, but occasionally make great pets.

Men are like.....Bank accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

Men are like....Beer.
The first sip is always bitter.
No matter how many varieties you try, they are essentially the same; tasteless, full of bubbles, destabilize your metabolism and give you a headache, but somehow they linger and you either can't finish one or you can't get enough.

Men are like.....Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.

Men are like....Bras.
They offer light, medium and complete support.
Men are like....Buses.
They come every 15 minutes.

Men are like....Buses.
They have spare tires and smell funny.

Men are like....Computers.
And a smart woman keeps a backup.

Men are like.....Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

Men are like.....Curling irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

Men are like.....Fires.
They go out if unattended!
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

^^^ <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> ^^^


Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" />

Ooh! Sharp! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

Good ones, Kyra <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

Oh, ladies, please do not turn it into a two people thread with the anti-men jokes <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />.

I mean, really, if dogs are better than men, beer is better than women.

1. You can enjoy a beer all night long.

2. Beer stains wash out.

3. You don't have to wine and dine beer.

4. A beer will wait in the car while you go and play football.

5. When your beer goes flat, you toss it out.

6. Beer is never late.

7. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.

8. Hangovers go away.

9. Beer labels come off without a fight.

10. When you go to a bar, you can always pick up a beer.

11. Beer never has a headache.

12. After you've had a beer, the bottle is still worth 5 cents.

13. A beer won't get upset if you come home and have another beer.

14. If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head.

15. A beer goes down easy.

[15 of 53 reasons]

Hehe, here's another one from my dad;

If a Lady says "no", she means "maybe"
If a Lady says "maybe", she means "Yes"
if a Lady says "Yes", she is no Lady <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Since I'm young and inexperienced I can only say:

There is a word in Sweden that is called personangrepp (roughly attack of person), that is defined as insulting a person without being able to base these insults on any real facts (to call Billy Corgan a completely unmusical person, who can't sing and doesn't know how to play the guitarr can be called attack of perston). Just as you know.

Übereil

"I might like you better
If we slept together
But there’s somethin
In your eyes that says
Maybe that’s never
Never say never"
Queens of the Stone Age* - Never Say Never



*: Possibly only a cover by QotSA


Ubi: You mean slander ?


By the way, I find the beer-women jokes as bland as what Galadriel (no offence, Galadriel) posted on the previous page: I just wanted to balance the thread <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />.

Prehaps I did. I didn't know I did though, since I've never heard the word before.

Übereil

Nice Datd. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I was wondering when someone would react and save me the trouble.
Yes, I got lazy. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

I honestly find those jokes phoney and bland. Except for the conversation bits Kyra posted.

Agreed.
That's why I didn't reacted... like most others. I guess.
But someone had to sooner or later.

Havwaï

Two friends talking...
first friend:
"I've been to Havaï on holiday"
second friend:
"Nice, but it's prenounced Hawaï. How long you been there?"
first friend:
"Oh, only tvo veeks"

"jokes" to think about

In most mariages is only one sparkle of light left...
the tv screen

Worrying is like a rocking-chair...
It keeps you busy, but it gets you nowhere.

A New Russian tourist stops at a Chic hotel.
By mid-day, the receptionist receives a phone call:
"Too tee too too too too"

He think it's children playing pranks so he ignores it.
In a minute the phone rings again:
"Too tee too too too too"
He ignores it once again.
In a minute the story repeats:
"Too tee too too too too"
He puts down the phone and in an instant a man in a black suit walks to the desk:
"My boss complains about the terrible service in this hotel: three times he tried to tell you that he wants two cups of tea to two hundred and twenty-two."





In case if you didn't get the joke:
[color:"#37485A"]"Too tee too too too too" is "Two tea to two-two-two"[/color]
*

@ Setharmon =>

Didn't you know I posted those jokes specifically with you in mind,
you naughty boy you. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" />

All in good fun of course. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />


Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
With me in mind? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

So that's where I been lately... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ouch.gif" alt="" />

Setharmon? You back here? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Am I crazy? I thought you were away for like forever <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Glad you're back <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wave.gif" alt="" />

lol

Hi again jvb.

I been away like forever. It was just one of those short forevers. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Good to see you again. I miss some of the "oldies".

ps: yes, you are crazy. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

There once was a fellow named Nate,
Who had trouble procuring a date.
So with a few bucks,
Of inflatable luck,
He purchased his date in a crate.


Kyra_Ny <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />