Sry for the tardiness so here are 2 jokes

A guy was driving down a road and he ran out of gas. He went to the nearest house to ask for help. As soon as the owner opened the door, it started to pour, so the guy asked to stay overnight. The owner said, "OK, but if you see a monster in the garage, whatever you do, don't touch it."

The man went up to the guestroom, but he was too curious. He went down to the garage and saw the huge ugly monster. He decided to see what it would do if he threw a rock at it or made faces. He did both but nothing happened.

So the man went and touched the monster. Up the monster jumped and chased the man all over the country. When the man got to a cliff, he thought he was going to die, so he rolled up in a tiny ball.

When the monster arrived, he touched the man and said, "You're it!"




There's this guy in a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half-hour. Then, this bully steps up to the bar, takes the guy's drink, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The bully says: "Oh, come on, man! I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I can't stand to see a man crying."

The troubled fellow replies, "This day is the worst of my life. First, I get fired for oversleeping and getting to work late. Then, as I'm leaving the building, I find out my car was stolen. I get in a cab to return home and I forget my wallet and credit cards in the cab. Then, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. So I end up at this bar, and just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

Not in the mood for cheese?
That excuse has more holes than a slice this fine Gorgombert!