Larian Studios Forums General Chat Chat (Anything) did we do jokes already?

How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
<span class='standouttext'>Spoiler : </span><span class='spoiler'> None .... Californians don't screw in light bulbs they screw in Jaccuzzi's <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> </span>

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" />
Who installed a hot tub not long ago? Not in Ca, a little more north...
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" />
Put's a whole other -lightbulb- light on that project.
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/badsmile2.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

You guys are just too funny!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> It's always nicz to read this part of the forum!!

Famous Last Words <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />
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It's fireproof.
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He's probably just hibernating.
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What does this button do?
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So, you're a cannibal.
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It's probably just a rash.
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Are you sure the power is off?
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Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?
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The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!
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Pull the pin and count to what?
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I wonder where the mother bear is.
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I've seen this done on TV.
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These are the good kind of mushrooms.
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I'll hold it, and you light the fuse.
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This doesn't taste right.
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I can make this light before it changes.
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Nice doggie.
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I can do that with my eyes closed.
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Trust me.
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That's odd.
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Don't be so superstitious.
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Now watch this.

Hey, Iuse my last actionpoints for reloading instead of healing...

No that was something different <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" />...

Übereil

What's the difference between 2 horses?

The genes...

Übereil

killer biscuits

Sounds like a canard but it's still hilarious.

Especially the line at the end of the article:" Lisa is blonde" makes it all the more hilarious!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

Yup, I wonder why they added that <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />.

Übereil

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners.
The Lammas class was in full swing.
The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances and coaching at this stage of the plan.

"Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher.
"Walking is especially beneficial.
And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"
The room was very quiet.
Finally, a guy in the group raised his hand. "Yes?" asked the instructor.

"Is it okay if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

There's a guy sitting on an island somewhere in the middle of the ocean (he's the only one there. Saying this in Swedish is much easier since you only say öde ö, which more or less means empty island). He's been here for a while.
One day a women arrive, pretty good looking, and walks up to him.
She sais "hi", he looks up (he was trying to light a fire (poorlly), and didn't see her comeing), and sais "oh hi there". She sais "... well, how long have you been here then?". He replies "erm... I'm not shure... For a while." She wonders "well, ahev there been anything you've missed during all the time you've spend here?". He thinks. And thinks. And thinks a little more. She decides to help him a little: "like a nice dinner or something"? He looks a lot happier and sais "well now that you mention it!". She smiles, and walks away. After a little while she comes back with a Nice dinner (think of your favorite dish, and that's what it will be). He shines up: "Hey, that's my favorite dish! I havn't had it in ages, though..." The women gives it to him. Shye allso gives him knife and a fork, but he didn't notice that...
When he's finnished, she asks him "well, is therte anything else you've missed during al the time you've spend here?" He starts to think again. She quicklly adds "like a beer or something". He sais "well, now that you mention it..." She walks away and comes back with a beer, which he drinks. He seems to enjoy it very much.
Then she asks, now in a slightlly different tone "well, is there anything else you've missed?", while she caress him on the inside of his leg. He shines up and sais:
"Don't tell me you brought the golfclubs?"

Übereil

The secret Star Wars Scene that was not shown!
A furious light sabre duel is under way. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER toward the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks round, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.

DARTH VADER: "Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father."
LUKE: "He told me enough! He told me you killed him!"
DARTH VADER: "No! I am your father!"
LUKE: "No, it's not true! It's impossible."
DARTH VADER: "Search your feelings; you know it to be true."
LUKE: "NO!"
DARTH VADER: "Yes, it is true and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?"
LUKE: "Threepio?"
DARTH VADER: "Yes, Threepio, I built him when I was seven years old."
LUKE: "No."
DARTH VADER: "Seven years old? And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp."
LUKE: "I destroyed your precious Death Star!"
DARTH VADER: "When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!"
LUKE: "Well, it's not my fault."
DARTH VADER: "Oh, here we go. 'Poor me, my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday, boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith.. waahhh wahhh!'"
LUKE: "Shut up."
DARTH VADER: "You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!"
LUKE: "I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!"
DARTH VADER: "Oh, for the love of the Emperor, 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open. Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer, right here baby!"
Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step toward it.
DARTH VADER: "I was wrong. You're not my kid. I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine."

Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.
Darth Vader looks after him.
DARTH VADER: "And get a haircut!"

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

Nice one, LadySarah <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />.

Übereil

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> That is the best thing I have seen in years! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

Bill Gates soup of the day

PATRON: Waiter!
WAITER: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
PATRON: There's a fly in my soup!
WAITER: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
PATRON: No, it's still there.
WAITER: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead.
PATRON: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
WAITER: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What kind of bowl are you using?
PATRON: A SOUP bowl!
WAITER: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem. How was the bowl set up?
PATRON: You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup?
WAITER: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
PATRON: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
WAITER: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
PATRON: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?
WAITER: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
PATRON: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
WAITER: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
PATRON: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.


[Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.]


WAITER: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
PATRON: This is potato soup.
WAITER: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
PATRON: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.

[Waiter leaves.]


PATRON: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!

The check:
Soup of the Day ..................................... $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day .....$2.50
Access to support .................................. $1.00

Reminds me of the parrot skit in Monty Python! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

Customer: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased
to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft
of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be
pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off
the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run
down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!
THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!