Larian Studios Forums General Chat Chat (Anything) did we do jokes already?

I have some more bumperstickers but they are all in Flemmish, so the translation may not be that funny.

It's better to have a tiger in the tank then a donkey behind the wheel. (especially for those Porsche and Ferrari drivers)
You can laugh all you want, mine is payed! (usually on very small and cheap cars)
My yacht is in the garage. (idem dito)
Mijn Toyota is van plastiek/ My Toyota is from plastic(on the "My Toyota is fantastic!" logo)

What is bumber stickers really? Never heard of them...

Übereil

You don't hear them, you see them. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />
What's a bumper (on a car)? And what's a sticker?
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

They're more rare these days. It was "in fashion" to have one on a car years and years and years ago.
Haven't seen one in years in Europe. Not that kind anyway.

Bumper sticker; usually on a cheap car
"My other Car is crap too"
"If my other car was a Mercedes, why would I be driving this?"
" Caution: Car driven by female with PMS"
And 1 for the Dutch/Belgians, some who may remember this:
"Rijjijofrijik"

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wave.gif" alt="" />

Rij jij of rij ik?
Do you drive or do I drive?
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />
I remember.
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wave.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />

Sounds almost like some alien's name. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

I've found something that might be offensive, so please be careful while reading it ! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />



Edit : Oh, [nocando] !

good ones <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

I think, therefore i spam..... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Here's a link showing cars with bumper stickers. I didn't realize that it was not common around the world. Here's a link to what they look like.

bumper stickers

More bumper stickers
a will...I want to be on it.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill it.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home.

I love them all!

Jedi-ism
Did you see that [nocando]?!

Three World War II veterans were sitting in their local tavern one night. They got on to the topic of women and how they were all still able to seduce them at age 80. The Air Force Captain started "I remember scoring with this hottie just last month. A 75 year old still in full working order!"
The Navy Commodore replied "Ha! Well I scored a nice young 70 year old just last week. I called it off though after she wanted me to meet her kids."
They both turned to the Army General and asked "So when was the last time you got lucky?"
"1945."
Holding back their laughter they asked again "What? <hmph> You haven't been with <snort> a woman since <snigger> 1945?"
"What's so bad about that? It's only 2100 hours right now!"

A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued... and won!

In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

NOW FOR THE BEST PART... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine.

This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

Ten Ways to Terrorize a Telemarketer in Your Spare Time

10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my
arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."

9. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is
located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

8. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of pause as she
tries to figure out where she could know you from.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can,"I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"

6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

5. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips.

4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the
telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!"

2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

And first and foremost:

1. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down

Pizzaaaaaa

And thats serious.

My favorite bumper sticker




A Tennessee man and an Alabama man were fighting in a war, and both were caught by the enemy.

"Before I put you to death," said the enemy, "do you have any last requests?"

The Alabama man said, "Could you shoot me after you play the song 'Yeah, Alabama?'"

"Sure," the man agreed. "How about you?"

The Tennessee man said, "Could you shoot me before you play 'Yeah, Alabama?'"

An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No."

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just lose their faculties

OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balance

OLD ACCOUNTS never die, they are deleted

OLD ACTORS never die, they just drop a part

OLD ALCAHOLICS/DRUG ADDICTS never die, they just get wasted

OLD ANTHROPOLOGISTS never die, they just become history

OLD ARCHERS never die, they just bow and quiver

OLD ARCHITECTS never die, they just lose their structures

OLD ASSETS never die, they just depreciate

Rominds me of a true story. A man was applying to become a police officer. On the application form it asked "Have you ever committed a crime?" He replied "Yes." Upon checking the database and seeing no convictions against the man, they arresetd him and used the application form as part of his testemony! (Oh, and he didn't get the job.)

In the year 2000:

"The annoying Aflac Duck will be replaced by the more annoying Affleck Ben."

"After being convicted, Michael Jackson escapes from prison disguised as a black man who likes grownups."

"Parents will no longer let their kids watch SpongeBob SquarePants, when it's revealed that SpongeBob once worked as a female contraceptive."

"NBC will air its most challenging episode of Fear Factor ever, in which contestants are asked to swallow the notion that Clay Aiken is not gay."

"While eating at a restaruant, a New York Yankees player will adminster the hymlic maneuver to a woman, promtpting the headline, 'Choking Victim Saves Choking Victim."

"The human race will finally recieve a message from outer space, a long boring message, about home refinancing."

eh um that was like 20 years ago? no?

The year 2000
that's pm or am?, Never been good with figures....

I meant "In the year two thousand"

It's a Conan sketch that he started when he first took over the show. After the year 2000 they are still doing the sketch "in the year 2000" with a twist of idiocy. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />