Larian Studios Forums General Chat Chat (Anything) did we do jokes already?

A peanut is not a pea or not.

BEHIND EVERY MAN IS A SMART WOMAN




Barbara Walters of 20/20 (USA) did a story on gender roles in Kabul several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands.



She returned to Kabul recently and observed that women still walk behind their husbands, but now seem to walk even further back and are happy with the old custom. Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you now seem happy with the old custom that you used to try to change?"



"Land mines," said the woman.

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

The sad part is that it's true... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ouch.gif" alt="" />
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/disagree.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/memad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/sad.gif" alt="" />

A bunch of doctors are gathered together at a doctor's convention one night. A male doctor notices a female doctor from across the room. The female doctor notices too, and the next thing you know, they're sitting next to each other by the end of dinner.

After dinner, the male asks the woman if she wants to go up to his hotel room. "Sure," the woman says. "Let me go wash my hands first."

After she washes her hands, they have sex. Once they are finished, she washes her hands again.

This really starts to annoy the male doctor, so he says, "You know, you must be a surgeon, because you keep washing your hands."

Angry at this remark, the woman says, "Well, you must be an anesthesiologist, because I didn't feel a thing!"

Heh if I may paraphrase Jangg, "Classic Morbo" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

Well you ask I turn (doesn't sound well in english) <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" /> (it's somthing along the lines of Youe request I supply)



Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT what kind of salary he was looking for.

"In the neighborhood of $140,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

"Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years...say, a red Corvette?"

"Wow! Are you kidding?"

"Yeah, but you started it." <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" />

Try something like: "you say jump, I ask how high" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />
Or "your wish is my command" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

[color:"orange"]For Sale:
White van. Almost never left garage.
Max speed 26 m/h. Perfect for use as a hot dog - or ice creem stand.
Available on: www.vaticaan.it [/color] <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" />

Snake Bite

"I hope I'm not poisonous," said the first snake.
"Why?" asked the second.

"Because I just bit my lip."

Two sand grains are lying on the beach.
Hey, said the first grain, I think we are followed...

This is a dirty one...
Two big fat droppings are playing soccer.
A diarrhia passes by: hey, can I play too?
No, you have to be a tough one! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

You want more? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

[color:"pink"] You want more? [/color]

erm dare I say it YES!!

It is a real fact that a lot of venomous animals are not immune to their own poisons. Special... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Should I post this in here or in the fav lyric section?

birdy, birdy in the sky
why did you drop it in my eye
i'm a strong boy, i won't cry
i only hope that cows don't fly...

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

THE LONELY LITTLE BRAIN CELL (c)

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which by mistake happened
to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously but it was all
empty and quiet.

"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.

"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at
the top of her voice "HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"

Then she heard a very faint voice from far, far away .....
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > "We're down here." <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wave.gif" alt="" />

================================================================================


Subject: Business Math


From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about
those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to
those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about
achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these
questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%


and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14 +15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far [nocando] kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and
Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the
[nocando] and [nocando] kissing that will put you over the top.

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

It`s the same at school!!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Staying with Gal's trent <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

An older man goes in for his yearly physical, with his wife tagging

along. When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I

will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks,

"What did he say?"

The wife yells back to him, "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR"
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" />

@ Mea
Grossss!!!!! Iiiieeeuuuwww!

For the older memebers amongst us:

Do you know the first name of Alzheimer?

<span class='standouttext'>Spoiler : </span><span class='spoiler'>That's how it begins!! </span> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

But... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/puppyeyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cry.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/puppyeyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cry.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/puppyeyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cry.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/puppyeyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cry.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/puppyeyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cry.gif" alt="" />

Übereil

His name was "Spoiler Alzheimer" ?????? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

A couple goes to an art gallery and sees a picture of a naked woman with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on, but the husband keeps looking.

The wife asks, "What are you waiting for?"

The husband replies, "Autumn."