Larian Studios Forums General Chat Chat (Anything) did we do jokes already?

[color:"orange"]
is coming......... [/color]

@ Jurak
By the looks of your other posts, someone has been doing some smilie-shopping! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/stupid.gif" alt="" /> ohh yes, gotta love those smilies..... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

If WW2 had been an onlinegame (requires R34d1n Sk1llz)

*Fu** Killer[AoE] has joined the game.*
*Eisenhower has joined the game.*
*paTTon has joined the game.*
*Churchill has joined the game.*
*benny-tow has joined the game.*
*T0J0 has joined the game.*
*Roosevelt has joined the game.*
*Stalin has joined the game.*
*deGaulle has joined the game.*
Roosevelt: hey sup
T0J0: y0
Stalin: hi
Churchill: hi
Fu** Killer[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
T0JO: lol
Roosevelt: o this foockin sucks i got a depression!
benny-tow: haha america sux
Stalin: hey Fu** Killer you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Fu** Killer[AoE]; sure whatever
Stalin: cool
deGaulle: **** Fu** Killer rushed some1 help
Fu** Killer[AoE]: lol bye bye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry
Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get anti-air guns
Churchill: i cant afford them
benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
paTTon: stfu
Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the foock up
Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
deGaulle: this is foockin weak u guys suck
*deGaulle has left the game.*
Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
Fu** Killer[AoE]: ROFLMAO
T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf! thats bull**** u f*gs im gunna kick ur butts
T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little b**** ill get u
Fu** Killer[AoE]: wtf
Fu** Killer[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge foockin army
Fu** Killer[AoE]: thats bull**** u hacker
Churchill: lol no more france for u Fu** Killer
Fu** Killer[AoE]: tojo help me!
T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
Fu** Killer[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
Stalin: WTF u a**l! WE HAD A FooCKIN TRUCE
Fu** Killer[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
benny-tow: haha
benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
Fu** Killer[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya
Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an a**
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
Eisenhower: LOL
benny-tow: hahahh oh **** help
Fu** Killer: o man ur foocked
paTTon: oh what now b****
Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
*benny-tow has been eliminated.*
benny-tow: lame
Roosevelt: gj patton
paTTon: thnx
Fu** Killer[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my s***
Fu** Killer[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
Eisenhower: Nuts!
benny~tow: wtf that mean?
Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
paTTon: coming to get u Fu** Killer u paper hanging hun c*********.
Stalin: rofl
T0J0: HAHAHHAA
Fu** Killer[AoE]: u guys are fockin lame
Fu** Killer[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Fu** Killer[AoE] has been eliminated.*
benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!
Fu** Killer[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
*Fu** Killer[AoE] has left the game*
paTTon: hahahhah
T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs
benny~tow: shut up noob
Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
Eisenhower: yah me too
T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
Eisenhower: foock u
paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
Stalin: go to h*** lol
paTTon: fock this s*** im goin afk
Eisenhower: yah this is lame
*Roosevelt has left the game.*
Fu** Killer[AoE]: wtf?
Eisenhower: s*** now we need some1 to join
*tru_m4n has joined the game.*
tru_m4n: hi all
T0J0: hey
Stalin: sup
Churchill: hi
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be lame gimmie nuculer secrets
T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!
*T0J0 has been eliminated.*
*The Allied team has won the game!*
Eisenhower: awesome!
Churchill: gg noobs no re
T0J0: thats bull**** u foockin suck
*T0J0 has left the game.*
*Eisenhower has left the game.*
Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****
Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumb***
tru_m4n: l8r all
benny~tow: bye
Churchill: l8r
Stalin: f*** u all
tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
*tru_m4n has left the game.*
benny~tow: lololol u commie
Churchill: ROFL
Churchill: bye commie
*Churchill has left the game.*
*benny~tow has left the game.*
Stalin: i hate u all f***
*Stalin has left the game.*
paTTon: lol no1 is left
paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
*paTTon has been eliminated.*
paTTon: o s***!
*paTTon has left the game.*

Übereil

@ Jurak
You must send me the link (pm) where you got those cute smilies from! Please?? Please?? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

@ Übe
Very good joke, too bad that it wasn't an online game, huh?

Yeah. It's well written by the way <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />. Espessially like when Trueman comes in, since it was more or less that that acually happened.

Übereil

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" /> That was great, Ube! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" />

It's hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but
> here's one:
>
> Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small
> tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is
> that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot
> tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says,
> "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a
> beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small
> tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.
> It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."
>
> (Wipe that smile off your face!) <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />



<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/alien.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/stupid.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/hug.gif" alt="" />

Good joke that .... Jurak, got it in the email about a month ago and have been happily forwarding it to various ppl (scratches head *thought I had posted here too*), and I remember just being amazed at the amount of ppl who did not "get" that joke <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

@ Mea and Jurak
I got that email too, amazing to me is how many people got that joke in their mailbox <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" />

Elderly Jokes
An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.
The bartender asks, "What's wrong?" The old man looks at the bartender
through
Teary eyes and between sobs says, "I married a beautiful woman two days ago.
She's a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a
meticulous housekeeper,
Extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and
intensely passionate in bed."
The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, "But that
sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?"
The old man looks at the bartender and says, "I can't remember where I
live!"


<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

Customer Service Operator: "Hello. How may I help you?" Blonde: "Yes, I need Jack's telephone number?" Operator: "I'm sorry, I don't understand. Who are you talking about?" Blonde: "Your User Guide clearly states on section 17, page 5, that I need to unplug my fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, what's Jack's phone number?"

A blonde read a newspaper headline that blared, "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed." As she shook her head at this sad news, she asked the man sitting beside her, "How many's in a Brazilian?"

Cheers! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/hug.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kissyou.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/XmasJump.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/bday_jump.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/party.gif" alt="" />

Woho, Jurak's back <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/bday_jump.gif" alt="" />!

Übereil

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/bday_jump.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/bday_jump.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/bday_jump.gif" alt="" /> Jurak is back in good ol' joketown!! Welcome back!!

Daddy's Job

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?" Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."

"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"

Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman." "Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?" Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.

Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

As I've Matured...

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in...

I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I've learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.

I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things

I've learned that ex's are like fungus, and keep coming back

I've learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I've learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the [nocando] are permanent.

Love it! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/delight.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />

Jurak, my main man, glad u're back! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/XmasJump.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/bday_jump.gif" alt="" />

just part time for now, but thanks anyway........ <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

A part is still better then nothing hey Jurak? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

hmm I dunno Jurak, part time don't sound right to me, after all it is getting cold up there so no Tub Time means more 4US Time, IOW we want you more than part time .... my customers at the restaurant are getting bored with the same old jokes ... I need input !!!

So please supply soonest <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/hug.gif" alt="" />