Object Gender: Ziploc Bags? Male, because they hold everything in and you can see right through them. Copiers? Female, because once they're turned off, they take a while to warm up again.. Hot Air Balloon? Male, because to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it. Sponges? Female, of course: they're soft, squeezable, and retain water. Subway? Male, because every day it uses the same old lines to pick people up. Web Page? Female, because they're always getting hit on. Hammer? Male, because even though it hasn't changed in 5,000 years, it's still handy to keep around. Hourglass? Female, because over time its weight shifts to the bottom. Remote Control? Female. You might think it should be male, but just think about how much pleasure it brings a man and how he'd be lost without it!

A former soldier was telling his drinking buddies about the first time he parachuted from a plane. "When it was time for me to jump, I got to the door and froze. My drill sergeant stood behind me and whispered in my ear, 'If you don't jump right now, I'm gonna stick my ---- right up your ---!'" His buddies asked in anticipation, "So? Did you jump?" He replied, "Uh, yeah. A little at first!"

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/bday_jump.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

[color:"#33cc3"]Jurak'sRunDownShack!
Third Member of Off-Topic Posters
Defender of the [color:"green"]PIF.
[/color] Das Grosse Grüne Ogre!!! [/color]