Larian Studios Forums General Chat Chat (Anything) did we do jokes already?

Son: "Dad, I have to do a special report for school. can I ask you a question?"
Father: "Sure son. What is the question?"
Son: "What is politics?"
Father: "Well, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me **Capitalism**. Your mother is the administrator of money, so we will call her the **Government**. We take care of your needs, so we will call you **The People**. We'll call the maid **The Working Class**, and your baby brother we can call him **The Future**. Do you understand, Son?"
Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it." That night, awakened by his baby brother crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents's room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally inheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.
The next morning he reported to his father, "Dad, now I think I understand what politics is."
Father: "Good Son! can you explain it to me in your own words?"
Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound sleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of [nocando] in his diaper."

Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?
- Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin.
What’s the difference between elephants and plums?
- Plums are purple, elephants aren’t
What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
- "Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"
What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses in the distance?

- Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.
What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
- "Look! A herd of plums in the distance" (Jane is colorblind)
Why do elephants paint their nuts red?
- So they can hide in cherry trees.
Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
- See, it works.
Why is it dangerous to go into the cherry orchards at noon?
- Because that's when the elephants jump out of the trees.
Why are pygmies so small?
- Because they go through the cherry orchards at noon.
What's that brown stuff between an elephant's toes?
- Slow pygmies.
How did Tarzan die?
- Picking cherries.
What’s the loudest noise in the jungle?
- Monkeys eating cherries.
Why did the monkey fall out of the cherry tree?
- It was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the cherry tree?
- It was stapled to the first monkey.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the cherry tree?
- Monkey see monkey do.
How does an elephant get down from a cherry tree?
- It doesn’t, it gets down from a duck.
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
- To stamp out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
- To stamp out flaming ducks
How do you get an elephant in a fridge?
- Open door, insert elephant, close door.
How do you know if there was an elephant in the fridge?
- Footprints in the butter.
How do you get a giraffe in the fridge?
- open door, remove elephant, insert giraffe, close door.
How do you shoot a blue elephant?
- With a blue elephant gun, of course.
How do you shoot a red elephant?
- You strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
How do you shoot a green elephant?
- Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
- Ever seen a yellow elephant?
What is grey and not there?
- No elephants.