The old gent showered, shaved, sprinkled on a light dash of cologne, coiffed his few remaining hairs, put on a clean shirt, slacks, sports jacket and loafers. Then he strolled down to the neighborhood lounge. He hopped up on a bar stool beside a beautiful young woman and asked: "Tell me ... do I come here often?"

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Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60 year old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

"Ah, that's nothing", said the 70 year old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80 year old, "eighty is the worst age of all."

"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60 year old.

"No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock, no problem at all."

"Do you have trouble having a bowel movement?"

"No, I have one every morning at 6:30."

With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and poop every morning at 6:30. So what's so tough about being 80?"

"I don't wake up until 7:00."

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Two older people go to their doctor and complain that they are having memory problems, he suggests that they just write everything down. So later that evening the man gets up to get a bowl of popcorn and he turns to his wife and says, '' do you want anything from the kitchen?'' she replies yes I would like a bowl of ice cream.'' He starts off and she says, '' and I want some cherries on it, you need to write this down.'' '' no I don't its just a few seconds.'' She thinks and says, '' well how about some nuts on it too, and now you will need to right this down,'' she pleads with him, but he is persistant, '' No, I can remember this, I am not that dern old.'' he storms into the kitchen and spends over half an hour working on her order. When he returns he is holding a bowl of popcorn and an entire breakfast, pancakes, sausage, and a glass of orange juice. He hands her the plate and she just sighs, '' What?'' He asks her, she just rolls her eyes and says '' You forgot the toast.''

The question is not, Can they reason? nor, Can they talk? but, Can they suffer?
~Jeremy Bentham