Two little old ladies were attending a rather long church service.
One leaned over and whispered, "My butt is going to sleep."
"I know," replied her companion, "I heard it snore three times."


The religious leaders bring a woman caught in adultery to Jesus. He begins to write on the ground and says "the one without sin cast the first stone". Just as he finishes his sentence, a rock comes hurling past his head and pummels the snot out of the poor woman. Quickly, he turns to see who did it, and then with exasperation, he says, "Mother, that's NOT the idea..."



A man rings the doorbell at the rectory of a Catholic church late on a Saturday afternoon. The pastor answers the door, and man asks, "Father, my dog just died, and I wondered if would you say say a few words over him before I bury him. He's been my best friend for a long time."

The priest shakes his head and says, "Son, we don't do things like that -- but there's a small Baptist church just down the road. Why don't you go there? If you offer the minister a contribution, he'll probably do it for you."

As he turns to go, the man stops and asks, "Do you think $250 would be enough?"

The priest quickly grabs his arm, saying, "Why didn't you tell me it's a Catholic dog?"

The question is not, Can they reason? nor, Can they talk? but, Can they suffer?
~Jeremy Bentham